Hello all, first time posting. Nice to meet you all.
My gf and I have a reasonably healthy sex life that we're both happy with, but we run into small issues with certain positions. When she is on top, she wants to move her hips back and forth parallel to my body. She says this is what she sees in pornography with women on top and is suggested by various sex help columns as a treat for their partner etc. However, this is a little uncomfortable to me as the pressure pushing downward (toward my feet) or upward (toward my abdomen) at the base of the shaft feels as though it is going to hurt something if she goes any further. As we continue, she gets a little less controlled in her movements and I find myself holding her hips to keep her from moving too far. She says I am too sensitive and should be able to handle that sort of motion. Is this something that people typically do? Am I actually too sensitive for some reason? Communication isn't a problem and so we don't really do this as a result, however, it is something I would like to be able to do.
On a similar note, she is interested in anal sex but I find the tightness more resistance than is comfortable. I realize that it's supposed to be tight, since it's not intended for that use, and I'm pretty sure I am not overly endowed for that to be the problem. This reinforces the idea that I might just be too sensitive or scared of hurting myself. I find then when applying the types of pressure that I've described, I have difficulty maintaining an erection.
I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Thanks everyone.
M
I wonder if it's just a slight variation in the mechanics? Like maybe have her slide herself up your abdomen a few inches? That way on the down-to-feet motion she's not bending you backwards, and on the up-to-face motion she's just sliding up a bit off your shaft.
As for the anal, sorry I have no first hand advice on that as I've never experienced it. I do think it unique though to hear the worry of pain coming from the giver and not the receiver in this situation. Usually it's that very tightness that draws a person into wanting to do it in the first place. Are you maybe not lubricating enough?
I'm thinking that an issue might be that she is short and I am not particularly thin. When she is on top, she is sitting at my base. So she doesn't spend much time higher on the shaft which might be why there's so little range of motion. I might try having her sit a little higher up and see if that helps things.
As for the anal, we are not afraid of lubricant. Before trying we did the research as we were both worried about her getting hurt. We used plenty of lubricant, but I haven't been able to get over that first hurdle before the discomfort causes me to be unable to.
Tell her she is dead wrong. Yes bending your penis can hurt, and telling you that you should handle it is like telling a woman she should be able to handle getting her cervix pounded after she tells you it's hurting. Just because some men she may have been with can or some COMPLETE BULLSHIT Cosmo magazine said so, doesn't mean so should you. If she is unwilling to try something different because she likes it but it is hurting you, then that is totally on her and honestly doesn't sound like a partner I would value. I find positions where my penis is angled near or past 45 degrees downward as heavy pressure boarding on pain; and although I will stay hard if kept there for a while, because honestly it's like kinking a garden hose, my dick will be angry, not want to play after it comes back past that angle, and may momentarily lose some sensation and erection. Finally, anything that ballistically/dynamically pulls my penis towards or past that angles IS rhythmically painful.
Personally I enjoy that position for her pleasure but it is not a orgasm trigger for me... and what she is doing is more of an internal stirring motion combined with clitoral grinding on your pelvis that she can enjoy, but most men honestly prefer thrusting and thus her bouncing up and down on you is a better option that you should request.
Suggest her coming chest to chest, or at least angled(leaning with her hands on your chest, as opposed to perpendicular to you) with you in that position and grinding back and forth on you as such, your penis will not bend downward as much, you will receive the bobbing stimulation, and she can still enjoy grinding her clitoris on your pelvic area.
She should stop taking advice from pornography and actually pay attention to what you like and find comfortable. :/
What kind of pain/discomfort are you experiencing? I mean does it feel like it is outer, as if your skin is being rubbed too hard or inner: too much pressure as if you were being gripped too tightly with your hand? If not either and it is sharp pains I would suggest seeing a health care professional.
If it isn't fun for you, do NOT do it. Doesn't matter if male or female, if you aren't into it, then that's it and it doesn't get done - end of story. No apologies required.
And yes, you two need to cut out the pornography and spend more time investigating each other on your own.
Personally I have never complained of my wife riding me in that position and she loved girating and or thrusting backwards and forwards. later in marriage we tried anal and she loved it plenty of lube will easy the pain mostly for her not for me I do not sense any pain when doing an anal position whith her in the past and with anyone else now. Now anal may be a little inconvenient for women to take because of the penis girth(circumference) in my case it is not that large but larger. I suggest you should see someone to have a look at your penis why do you experience pain during intercourse?
Thank you all for the responses. The pain isn't sharp and in fact I don't really let it get to a point of pain. It's more so an uncomfortable pressure around the base as though it's being pushed in a direction it's not supposed to go. There is little pressure to do this as a result of my discomfort. My inquiry is more so my effort to solve the problem if there is in fact one. It might just be a misconception on her part about what movements are appropriate in that position. She doesn't typically like to lean forward in that position as she requires clitoral stimulation to reach climax. Neither of us do anything we don't want to. The fact that I also have difficulty applying the pressure necessary to enter her anally (her request) lead me to believe that maybe I was just sensative to pressure for some reason. Recently, though, she confessed that she is unable to truly relax when we try that so I am less inclined to believe it's anything to do with me.
It seems to me that you both need to do some more exploring of your options. Are you both absolutely certain that she can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation? What about her G-Spot and her anterior and posterior fornices? How about body worship? Have you two even looked at The Program and the other articles on "sex at the cellular level" as some in here have called it?
Hi,
My wife is fairly similar on the clitoral stimulation. Only a few times has she with out direct finger stimulating, but rather indirect pelvic bone, both with the same position. Basically it was me standing by edge of bed she's laying on, with her legs fairly high up around me, but I'm also bent over her to kiss. I guess it's almost like missionary but with my lower half standing? For whatever reason, this position affords me the "least" stimulation, so that I was able to last quite a long while doing this. For us it took almost 40 minutes.
Anyways, I would get her really going with direct stimulation of hands as well as penetration, and then drop down around her to kiss. I would feel her slow back down, but slowly. Doing this several times, like edging, taking her closer to the brink and then leaning back down while staying fairly deep and "grinding" our pubic bones. I would only move like maybe 1-2 inches total. Not cervix pounding or anything. Plenty of lube, and the smallish motion to make sure I wasn't just making her sore and raw.
After doing this maybe 3 or 4 times, I was able to just keep going on the last time. Once I could tell that she wasn't declining again this time, I increased the stroke, more like a "usual" finish, and she came very nicely. I'd think this is just a mental thing, that if done often enough could be trained out. Granted I don't consider this a "vaginal orgasm" for the sake that there was a lot of clitoris involved, even with pubic bones, but it was still much different than a sprint buildup as a normal clitoral one does.
I'm sure this is a fairly ham-fisted approach to some of the hotspots EEK speaks of. This was before I had found this site, and her ways are much more precise. It mainly boils down though (for us at least) for me finding the position that afforded me the "least" stimulation and her the "most" at the same time. This just granted us the much needed time. In subsequent times we've tried to do this it has taken less time, but with jobs/lives/kids, etc, we're just bad about setting aside a large block of time to do this.
Hope this helps. :)
She's pretty certain that she can only orgasm with clitoral stimulation. We've tried G-Spot stimulation before, which she enjoys, but she doesn't feel it's enough to bring her to climax. I'm aware of the anterior/posterior fornices, but haven't explored for those in particular. We spend a good amount of time on body worship and I've read The Program. Though she get's impatient sometimes and wants to wrap things up (not that she's having a bad time but desires the orgasms; both of ours) rather than wanting to spend a lot of time teasing. Her only complaint aside from the position I mentioned and not being able to achieve anal sex, is that she wants me to be more forceful and controlling during sex. I'm not opposed to this (and I'm getting better at it), but its taking me a little bit to get the hang of it.
I am able to try quite a few positions with my main male partner,and can orgasm quite easily.However it is harder with my male fuck buddy as he is of a much larger body type and we can only do deepstick which is rather boring for me.However once again I am able to orgasm rather easily.Also my male fuck buddy has a much smaller penis and I find that it slips out very easily when I am on top.HS664 have your wife rotate her hips in a circular motion rather than parelell,as this may be less uncomfortable for you.I can do this with my main male partner and it drives him wild.
[QUOTE=Aphrodite_66;278602]I am able to try quite a few positions with my main male partner,and can orgasm quite easily.However it is harder with my male fuck buddy as he is of a much larger body type and we can only do deepstick which is rather boring for me.However once again I am able to orgasm rather easily.Also my male fuck buddy has a much smaller penis and I find that it slips out very easily when I am on top.HS664 have your wife rotate her hips in a circular motion rather than parelell,as this may be less uncomfortable for you.I can do this with my main male partner and it drives him wild.[/QUOTE]
Yes gyrating over your man to the left an to the right is quite a turn on.
Had the same problem slipping out when I attempted doggy style but not now and I love every minute of it