When i masturbate i can only ever climax when i use a pillow. I masturbate quite regularly usually 2 or 3 times a day. I have tried different lubes, techniques, watching different types of porn and tried going without masturbation for a 5 days or so to see if that would help and it hasn't. Is there anything else i can try or has anyone else experienced something similar?
Tue, 10/14/2008 - 12:37
#1
Unable to come using my hand.
Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating.
Please answer the following questions:
* How long have you been masturbating?
* Where was the occurrence of the first time? Bathtub? Shower? In bed? Other?
* How often or regularly do you try to masturbate using your hand/fingers?
This is not the first time your question has been raised. My first suggestion is to try and duplicate the sensations received by rubbing against a pillow. Most of us begin by encircling the shaft or squeezing it between two fingers and thumb then rubbing back and forth within the limit that the skin will move. If you are not used to stroking by hand, you will probably discover that your wrist or arm becomes fatigued and aches. Not to worry. You are just using muscles in a different way and will have to build up a tolerance.
A lubricant can be added to the shaft and/or fingers and this will greatly reduce the pressure required. In fact, you can receive a great deal of stimulation by simply grazing the skin. Either way, grazing or squeezing, a lubricant will generally improve both the stroking action and intensify the sensations.
* Hot Spots--
We can have a few or many, it just depends upon how a person is "wired". One or more hot spots are generally found distributed around the Corona Rim, others can be found along the shaft and are responsive to a tighter grip. If you are prone to rub a hot spot a lot and do not want to chance chafing the skin, apply a lubricant to your hand action is not so abrasive.
The absolute hottest of these spots is the Frenulum. This the Y-shaped ridge of skin extending from the cleft of the Glans to the top of the shaft. Rubbing this part of the penis anytime will increase your arousal; waiting until you have reached the peak of your arousal, rubbing it will trigger your climax.
* Learning to adjust--
Women often learn to masturbate using a vibrator and then discover later that the relatively weak stimulation by hand is insufficient to bring about an orgasm. The fix with this as well as with your situation is to relearn or re-acclimate your nervous system to either less intense stimulation, and/or, a different mechanical routine.
I recommend trying to duplicate the the sensations received by using the pillow with your fingers/fist. This will be the easiest transition to make. If you cannot, then devote a few weeks to relearning how to masturbate only using your hand/fist. You will have to retrain your autonomic nervous system and the pleasure center of your brain to react to a different set of sensations. As with using the pillow, concentrate your efforts on those areas that respond the best and then try different amounts of pressure, rhythm, and, speed, based on the feedback you get. This will not likely be a quick fix because you will have to teach yourself all over.
I do not know how you managed to abstain for five days, you must have been climbing the walls! Holding off for a couple of days in between learning to stroke and stimulate the penis should help you because you will be much more receptive to the new sensations.
Involve the Glans, also. You should lubricate the palm of your hand, cup it slightly and rub the entire surface noting where it feels good, better, and best and concentrating on those areas while at the same time continuing to stroke the shaft where and how it feels best. If you find partial success, although, are still finding it difficult to trigger an orgasm by hand, try boosting the sensations generated by stroking your penis by including fingering the outside of the anus right before and then during your climax. Additional boosts can be hand by inserting a finger and massaging along the passageway and sphincter muscles. The greatest boost of all is to massage the Prostate gland while stroking. Involve the Prostate massage just before reaching the point of no return and permit these sensations to jump start your orgasm(s).
"Playing Ball" and How To Tips for Prostate Massage
This is also an excellent tutorial for people interested in and concerned about the how-to of Anal stimulation as well as play.
Try involving your mind instead of a video. Create a fantasy and let it play out in your mind as you masturbate. As you are relearning how to stimulate yourself, try masturbating no more than two times a day--once is better in the beginning. You will have to balance or manage stress with the desire to simply pleasure yourself; however, the more sexual tension you can accumulate the easier it will be to find a method or technique to release it.
Please give this a try for a few weeks. If you have additional questions or concerns feel free to p/m me.
-doc
To answer your questions, i have been masturbating from around the age of 12 so that would make it about 8 years now.
1st time was in my bed.
I try every couple of weeks but i find it very disheartening when i fail to climax so that puts me off trying for a while.
Thank you very much, i will give this a try and qill report back!
Thank you for the feedback. It is very refreshing to have someone concerned enough to actually reply back with additional information.
I believe the key to this is the same as it is for a woman who learns to masturbate and becomes accustomed to the very intense sensations created by the vibrator who then wants to be able to experience orgasms with her fingers only to discover that these less intense sensations are not having the desired result. Now, granted rubbing against a pillow is not in the same league as being vibrated, however, the change or retraining is in order to "re-tune" the brain to be "attuned" to a new stimuli. Please give all this a try and do not be in a rush. As mentioned, this will take some time.
> I try every couple of weeks but i find it very disheartening when i fail to climax so that puts me off trying for a while.
Here are a couple of additional questions:
* How turned on do you generally become when trying by hand? In other words, do you have any of the same physical reactions that you do with the pillow? (Stretching and tensing the muscles, perspiring, breathing heavily or haltingly, finding your attention zeros in on what is happening to your genitals as you loose awareness of everything that may be happening around you)
* How close to the brink of an orgasm do you usually get? (For more on this please read Chapter Four of this article:
MORE: From bungling student to graduating Lover Cum Laude
Male and Female Curves-
Please scroll down to this Chapter. The article discusses male and female arousal or response curves.)
I get very aroused and my penis would become harder than when i use a pillow. The experience is different because it is always in the back of my mind that i havent came using my hand before, but there is still the heavy breathing, arching of my back the same as when i use a pillow but as time goes by and i dont come i become more and more frustrated and i guess that would spoil the experience.
When using my hand i feel as if i am close to climaxing but can never achieve it.
If i use a pillow still just because some days im just going to want to come is that going to be detrimental to me being able to achieve an orgasm with my hand?
Understood.
How about zeroing in on what actually triggers the orgasm using the pillow and then substituting your hand/fingers?
Rub the Frenulum as you attempt to trigger the orgasm, not before. If you need an extra boost, then finger your anus or going inside--whatever it takes.
From your description it seems like you get right up to the brink yet cannot get beyond so this is why I suggested the technique above. It seems to me that if you are this close to achieving an orgasm by hand, your hand can approximate the type of friction and feel that the pillow does. I'm wondering if this is more a head trip than an actual physical difference.
I'll continue to work with you on this if you continue to try my suggestions over the next several days/weeks.
A good part seems mentally induced; fear of a poor failure can be self-fulfilling. Try to relax about it.
Yea i will try the techniques you have mentioned and ill continue to work on it, i will report with updates to let you know of any progress.
It is interesting you should mention fignering my anus as it is something that i have always thought about doing but never have. I will try that to see if that helps things.
Your help and the time you have devoted to matter is very much appreciated.
[QUOTE=northern_irish_guy;226700]Yea i will try the techniques you have mentioned and ill continue to work on it, i will report with updates to let you know of any progress.
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It is interesting you should mention fignering my anus as it is something that i have always thought about doing but never have. I will try that to see if that helps things.
Please read this article listed in the Index:
"Playing Ball" and How To Tips for Prostate Massage
This is also an excellent tutorial for people interested in and concerned about the how-to of Anal stimulation as well as play.
Your help and the time you have devoted to matter is very much appreciated.[/QUOTE]
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