Hi everyone. I need some tips on how to turn on my boyfriend. We have talked kinda naughty over the phone and I have tried licking and nibbling his ear plus french kissing. None of these things get him horny though. At least not at this point in our relationship. He says that he thinks about us having sex sometimes but he also says it has been forever since he has masturbated. So, what can I do to turn my boyfriend on? :confused:
Thu, 09/27/2007 - 18:35
#1
Turning Him On - can't do it!
Offer him oral?
I love it when girls make it seem like they HAVE to have you, right now.
Make him feel like the object of your desire.
Uhhh... If he doesn't get turned on just by being in the same room as you, something is seriously wrong... Either he's asexual or just not interested in you, which in both cases means he's UTTERLY HOPELESS. Forget it and find someone else.
By the way, this is the kind of thing you try to find out BEFORE you make someone your "boyfriend"...
I have to agree with oedi there - you ave given this male clear signals that sex would be fun, delightful, and desired by you and yet, he isn't doing anything?!?!
The guy just isn't interested in you. Move on.
Yeah we arent subtle creatures most of the time, if we like you it tends to be pretty obvious.
I don't agree that he isn't in to you, he says he also doesn't masturbate...so maybe he just isn't that into sex or is inexperienced. I mean if he was beating off all the time and ignoring you then I would say he wasn't into you but if he's isn't even doing it himself he sounds inexperienced. How do you know he isn't turned on? Maybe he is but not ready to go all the way. Just my 2cents!
I have to agree with up4anything. Guys tend to put their wants out in the open but maybe he thinks your more experienced then he is and is afriad he wont level up to your expectaions. Either that or maybe he simpley just isnt into the whole sex thing. Keep trying different things. As said above, offer him or, among other favors. Maybe what your doing isnt his turn on. Keep trying and good luck.
No No NO!
You guys are so damn far off the mark. If you have to shove your face in a guy's crotch to get a reaction out of him - he ain't into you.
You cannot force someone to be attracted to you. Sexual chemistry is either there or it isn't - in this case, it isn't.
Maybe he's just not into sex? That's why you think she should stay with him? Who the hell wants to put up with that nonsense? Lack of experience has nothing to do with it - trust me, if he was at all interested in her, he'd be begging her to teach him...
Get out of this flimsy excuse of a relationship and never look back!
Maybe he would like to be turned on by you sexually, but he really desires other guys? We can't do much about what turns us on, so this isn't something you can work on or solve over time. Let him go without taking it as a personal rejection of you,your femininity, or your sexual attractiveness. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Don't forget to be gracious about it.
Oed...you are right as far as getting out of the relationship, cuz if he doesnt even get hard or anything from her trying to turn him on he is either gay or hes got some issues.
but jus cuz i guy doesnt get turned on from being in a girls presence doesnt mean he isnt interested.
When I was first dating my girlfriend I didnt really masterbate to much and i would get slightly erect if we would make out for like 30 minutes or so...eventually this changed after on day she just reached down and started feeling me up and stuff.
I had always seen her as a very nonsexual person because she had never even held a boys hand before she started dating me....after that first feel up Im hard just from seeing her, because I know its ok to be sexual around her. some guys just need a sense of "permission".
With me, if he's not "up" for it, I know it is because I scare him. But that's just me.
BTW Oedi - I agree with you...again! Time for her to move on!
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;194485]With me, if he's not "up" for it, I know it is because I scare him. But that's just me.
[/QUOTE]
EEK Im terrified of you and I havent even met you lol:D
Yet my hubby thinks I'm just the most adorable of little fluffy kittens.
Well, when I was licking his ear and stuff I was really up close to him and I swear I could feel him getting hard. Also, he adjusted the crotch of his pants shortly after that. But when I asked him if it made him horny, he said no. So I am really confused. Maybe his definition of getting horny and my definition are different? He did say it felt good but wouldn't really specify how it made him feel good. Perhaps he was just afraid to tell me that it made him horny for some reason such as embarrassment or something?
Ladybug, i have gotten hard without being horny on numerous occasions...i mean i can wake up hard, my girlfriend and i can be making out, or she could just be sitting on me. The moment she reaches down and starts rubbing it either through my pants or in, thats when it switches...I find i need a slight twinge of pleasure to make me horny, since it makes me want to feel that pleasure again and again.
This may seem random but how long have you been dating, whats you age, and how experienced? I know they said lack of experience doesnt matter, but it might be a case of embarassment. Before i thought it was ok to be sexual with my girlfriend, i got really hard for some reason, and was kinda embarasseed, and it didnt help when she pulled me against her and i stabbed her in the hip.
[QUOTE=Ducy;194530]Ladybug, i have gotten hard without being horny on numerous occasions...i mean i can wake up hard, my girlfriend and i can be making out, or she could just be sitting on me. The moment she reaches down and starts rubbing it either through my pants or in, thats when it switches...I find i need a slight twinge of pleasure to make me horny, since it makes me want to feel that pleasure again and again.
This may seem random but how long have you been dating, whats you age, and how experienced? I know they said lack of experience doesnt matter, but it might be a case of embarassment. Before i thought it was ok to be sexual with my girlfriend, i got really hard for some reason, and was kinda embarasseed, and it didnt help when she pulled me against her and i stabbed her in the hip.[/QUOTE]
We've been on 3 dates so far. We are both 25 years old. However, he is very inexperienced when it comes to sex stuff because he's only been with 1 woman sexually before and this woman was physically disabled so she couldn't do much. I, on the other hand, am pretty experienced. I won't say how many I've been with but I do have enough experience.
Then you are going to have to "take charge" of the proceedings and SHOW him what superb sex with a participative, active woman is. Stop taking his rather timid 'no" for an answer - get him naked, do excruiatingly slow body worship until he's begging you to ride him and then go completely unbridled when you're up there! Then let him orgasm. A nice rest break of say 30 minutes while you drink something water-ish and then do it all over again but this time reverse it and have him do unto you what you just did unto him.
Depending upon your (collective) stamina - you can do this approx 4 times total in one evening. If this does not "clue him in" - bury him because he's dead!
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;194548]Then you are going to have to "take charge" of the proceedings and SHOW him what superb sex with a participative, active woman is. Stop taking his rather timid 'no" for an answer - get him naked, do excruiatingly slow body worship until he's begging you to ride him and then go completely unbridled when you're up there! Then let him orgasm. A nice rest break of say 30 minutes while you drink something water-ish and then do it all over again but this time reverse it and have him do unto you what you just did unto him.
Depending upon your (collective) stamina - you can do this approx 4 times total in one evening. If this does not "clue him in" - bury him because he's dead![/QUOTE]
Thanks for this advice. I will try it. I'm sure it'll work! :D
Wow, EEK, you're agreeing with me a lot lately...
Ladybug -
3 dates and you've already made him your boyfriend? And you had a fiance that you were moving in with less than a month ago and now that's over and you're already in another relationship? You have MUCH bigger problems than turning someone on. Get out of the relationship - work on being happy with yourself. ALONE. You're getting into relationships that are based on little if anything just because you need the security.
I had an ex-girlfriend like this years and years ago and she's the saddest, weakest person I've ever met. She had problems with herself and needed to be with someone (anyone at all) to validate herself - after one ended she was in another one in literally a week. She used relationships to escape from her issues. Which seems to be what you're doing. Don't be like this. Hold off on the dating until you're happy being on your own and independent - don't look for others to "complete" you.
The most desired woman, generally speaking, is the level-headed and fun but independent woman who has a quiet confidence in herself and in her abilities and embraces her sexuality. A woman who celebrates and truly lives her life as she wishes to live it.
Rushing from one failed relationship to another is NOT the way to develop these most desired characteristics in you.
This is another reason why we strongly encourage people, both men and women, to date as many people as possible simultaneously - whatever the word "dating" means to them. So you have the time to develop your independence and self-confidence.
Try it!
[QUOTE=oedipussy;194562]Wow, EEK, you're agreeing with me a lot lately...
Ladybug -
3 dates and you've already made him your boyfriend? And you had a fiance that you were moving in with less than a month ago and now that's over and you're already in another relationship? You have MUCH bigger problems than turning someone on. Get out of the relationship - work on being happy with yourself. ALONE. You're getting into relationships that are based on little if anything just because you need the security.
I had an ex-girlfriend like this years and years ago and she's the saddest, weakest person I've ever met. She had problems with herself and needed to be with someone (anyone at all) to validate herself - after one ended she was in another one in literally a week. She used relationships to escape from her issues. Which seems to be what you're doing. Don't be like this. Hold off on the dating until you're happy being on your own and independent - don't look for others to "complete" you.[/QUOTE]
No, this is the same relationship as before. Him and I are unofficially engaged still. We aren't moving in with each other any time soon though. We didn't officially start dating till about one month ago.
Officially?
Jeez, a timid guy!
Hmm I'm surprised no one has mentioned this yet... Why don't you try asking him what turns him on? Every guy is different in what we do and don't like, and when we get things we don't like it can be a turn off. I personally don't like much being done with my ears, like what you said you tried. Tell him you want to have fun, and to learn his body, and ask him what he enjoys.
oedi's suggestion that hes not into you is possible, but if you've been going out for a month so far surely he wouldn't keep going out with you if he wasn't interested. The other possibility is that he is shy and doesn't really know what to do.
If he is telling you that he isn't horny when he's hard, (a lie) maybe he wants to see how far you'll go to get him horny beyond what you are already doing. Also, just because the guy doesn't get rock hard the second that he sees you doesn't mean that he's gay or that he's got ED. Kissing is OK, but it doesn't really do that much for me. It can at times, but I usually need a woman to make some kind of actual contact with my genitals, skin to skin, dry humping, rubbing against me, something like that, before I'll get completely hard.
Well, I recently asked him if I turn him on and he said yes. I am so happy. :D And yes, I do believe him. He is always honest with me. :)
[QUOTE=V-Station;196094]Possibly you could look at dressing up in some fancy gear (nothing to scary like a gimp suit of course lol) but you could try a delicate pair of knickers, or thongs and a real sexy lace bra. This may not work however, I know my husband finds it uncontrollable if I have made my self "excited" down below and lead him to it, or if he catches me using toys. You need to entice him, men dont generally take a lot of convincing, just got to feel real hot in yourself and be a little dirty.:D
Try that and see how you get on
Cheers Tammy xx[/QUOTE]
Good idea, but I would say keep it simple...the last thing you want to do is use all your "get in his pants free cards" right now. I mean she said she gets him turned on, and as time goes on bump it up a bit...cuz what do you do ten years from now when your kidna bored sexually and you really have nothing since you have tried playing dress up, using toys and all that.
One does not need fancy outfits and toys. All one really needs are an inventive mind and a willingness to play exuberantly with him!
Nothing seduces like wild enthusiasm!
A beautiful woman with lust in her eyes, undoing your shirt buttons?
Yeah. That'll work!
(speaking from experience)
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;196151]One does not need fancy outfits and toys. All one really needs are an inventive mind and a willingness to play exuberantly with him!
Nothing seduces like wild enthusiasm!
A beautiful woman with lust in her eyes, undoing your shirt buttons?
Yeah. That'll work!
(speaking from experience)[/QUOTE]
oh man...I really miss my girlfriend right now:rolleyes:
Or as my husband says, "Just show up!"
If your boyfriend isn't timid or wasn't somehow repressed as a child, then maybe the problem could be is that he is simply TOO gentlemanly. Like it is ingrained in him to never take advantage of women or he doesn't want you to think that all he wants from you is sex.
Some guys don't react too well to aggression, like it puts them on the spot or makes them feeled forced into the situation.