* How can I trust her/him?
* How can I trust him/her, again?
* How can I trust anyone, again, after the last time?
* I worry that s/he is cheating on me....
+ I worry that s/he will cheat on me....
* I am jealous:
- of him
- of her
- that s/he may leave me
- that some guy she meets will take her from me
- because she might like some guy she talks to
* I do not have any confidence in what I think or do
+ I do not think I'm good enough for her and always worry
* I have very little self-esteem or self-worth
Relationships are partnerships in which two people, each with a past, choose to join together in order to have a future that is greater than the sum of its two parts. That said, the two people must have enough confidence in each other early on in order to get the relationship moving.
Regardless of what has happened in the past--or, not, in order for a (new) relationship to begin and move forward, it is necessary to proceed on faith and establish a modicum of trust in the other person. No trust, no long term future. Although trust is earned, in order to initiate trust in the beginning, each of us must give a little to the other person sufficient to get the relationship started and off the ground. That done, the rest is earned through the behavior, deeds, accomplishments, and, reliability, we give to each other.
Commitment does not equate to trust. You have to believe that, unless and until your partner gives indications of behaving any other way than honorable, respectful, and reliably, you can and should trust him/her. The longer the success of the relationship, the deeper and stronger the trust becomes.
It is counter productive to have the attitude that because an -ex proved to be bad, all guys/women therefore must be suspect. (How often have you heard a woman declare: "I don't trust any man?") This is saying in essence that I will trust you only if you successfully meet the following conditions (A, B, C, etc.), first. More often than not, what happens next is that whether he fails to meet one or more of those expectations or not, the woman will continually test him to see if he will eventually fail. The result is relationship stagnation.
Having (mutual) trust is in knowing that each person can count on the other to achieve a common goal.
I worry that--
Unless and until you have been told or have proof to the contrary, "believe" that all is right with the world as you know it. Operate using the principle of "Implied Consent". (Please read the article on this behavioral method.) Unfounded suspicions and needless worry are both counterproductive to a relationship.
When a man or woman is living in fear of some as yet unfounded event happening and dwelling upon this as if inevitable, as Dr. Phil McGraw often states on his TV show: "What I fear I create." Consider the answer to the following questions:
1. Of what benefit is it to be constantly consumed with worry?
2. Of what benefit is it to be so negative rather than to be so
positive in your outlook? **
Better me thinks to be upbeat and positive until you have reason to be otherwise.
When a person exhibits jealousy, s/he also demonstrates a lack of trust that is often accompanied with feelings of insecurity and anxiety over an anticipated collapse of a relationship. Jealousy often manifests itself with a combination of emotions such as anger, and/or resentment, over or about what could happen. Jealousy is irrational and unfounded fear.
Several types of jealousy exist ranging from rivalry to unfounded personal social interactions with other individuals. If you are the "jealous type" then to eliminate this from your life it becomes necessary to trust in your partner.
Here is the long and the short of it:
[URL="http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/general-discussion/28113-acquiring-self-..."]Acquiring Self Confidence
Building confidence in oneself is an exercise in character building. Part and parcel of this is our perception regarding our integrity, worth, and, our self respect.
The term defines how each of us as individuals view ourselves. Our self worth is often determined by how we perceive other people view us. One problem with this is that we sometimes tend to interpret how we believe other people see thru rose colored glasses.
Having good self esteem equates to having good self confidence. When a person states that s/he has low levels of worth, confidence, and, esteem, my response to each is to become an actor in your own life script, much like an actor/actress portrays a movie character. The more you act like the person you wish to emulate, the easier it will be to adopt new traits.
In addition, the more little successes you accumulate in your life and pursuits, the happier you will become with your new found accomplishment, thus the better you will feel about yourself.
If you distrust your partner, then there is little to no reason to continue the relationship. If you distrust your partner--why? Is it because of your insecurity, then you have work to do as the problem lies with you, not her or some potential third party.
If you find it necessary to check on her by phoning or texting or E-mailing or following her around town to check on her, then this is your problem not hers and you have much work to do on yourself. You've got to understand that these are not normal behaviors and because they are not, then the problem must by default be with you.
Now, please understand this: if you fear your girlfriend or wife will leave you, yet you have no facts in evidence, then she is there, with you because she desires to be. A simple concept that many men fail to comprehend.
I hope this is of help.