Hi, I'm a 22 yo guy with some previous sex experiences. I know where the clitoris is located and how it works. BUT with my current girlfriend I'm having troubles. We are together 4 months now and we have regular sex witch is good and she say she enjoys it, but often complains of me "loosing" her clitoris when i stimulate it. I have found that her clitoris is quite small and hard to locate at some times. She helps me to locate it no problem with the communication so far. But when it comes to being really aroused and she moves around in ecstasy, I have to notch up the my movements and the intensity of the stimulation...and that's when i lose it, witch leads to her losing what we built up during the foreplay. Any advice on how to overcome this little problem? I know how to work it, it's just that i really cannot feel it when I'm working on it. It's small and hard to find, no bumps or anything to give it away. I know she has one, I just need help on making it feel good.
On the other hand she says she really enjoys oral sex from me, during oral sex i tend to "find it" and keep it that way. Any advice is welcome and I'm willing to provide more in-depth explanations if required so...
P.S If it is of any importance, she was a virgin before meeting me and the sexual activity is quite new to her 2-3 months of sex, about 2 times a week. We are busy students with roommates, can't always find the right time & place.
Thanks before hand :)
Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:05
#1
Trouble stimulating the clitoris...
I would try something like this. Once things are getting hot and heavy, so that keeping touch will soon become difficult, I do a very similar thing. Not for the same issue, rather just the "ease" of maintaining contact once full time contact is desired. Hopefully you already know that a clitorus doesn't want to be manhandled from the first second on. :)
While having some type of sex position where you can have free access with hands, say like you standing on side of the bed she's laying on, put your hand on her abdomen thumb pointing down towards you. Then lay your thumb, for lack of a less cheesy description, like a hotdog in a bun so that basically your thumb tip can touch your penis as it's doing it's thing.
This way, you can slide your thumb up and down, maintaining contact from tip to palm. And no matter how much she hunches on you, the movement is usually following the same path as your thumb. It's the same reason that oral is easier as you described. You're just using more surface area to have a better chance of contact.
Hope that helps! :)
Thanks for the advice, will try it out!
Im really curious...
Find, read, and then follow The Program, a sticky post found elsewhere in the Married & Long-Term forum. There's more to this than you might imagine.
EEK is so right - this is much more complicated than stimulating the clitoris. She MAY have a smallish clitoris; she MAY have a thick hood; Your fingering technique may be not so good. Men tend to treat the clitoris as they would have their penis' treated and that does not work. May tend to be better with tongues than fingers. The clitoris becomes more sensitive to pressure and to speed of manipulation as orgasm approaches.
The big thing is to learn to read her responses. That takes time and practice. Some men never quite get the hang of it.
Do you really know where the clitoris is--in relationship to the juncture of the labia? Have you gone on a "sight seeing" tour?
Should her clitoris retract when she becomes highly aroused, you only way of relocating it is to actually know where it is in relationship to other "landmarks".
Next, indulge in more communication, either verbal or non-verbal in order to know how she is responding to your caresses and for what she needs now/next! Encourage her to guide your finger(s) and to move your hand in a way that will teach you what to do in the moment. This and the communication (moans & groans, "yes yes yes", etc., should help you become successful when her clitoris becomes elusive.
In my knowledge the clitoris is located at the top point of where the inner labia (aka P.lips) meet. Usually looks like a little bud, slightly lighter in color and can vary in size. Most of the clitoris is located on top of the pubic bone and the tip of it, what we can see and stimulate usually gets erected when a woman is aroused. I may have no Ph.D in sex-ed but I'm a biologist to-be. The communication still needs work though, we aren't together a long time and she has no previous experiences of intercourse. Although lately she claims to feel much more and recognizes different parts of her vagina to stimulation, eg. she said it feels much better when it rubs the "top of the inner wall". My guess is that she recognizes G-spot stimulation. In the long run all feels right, I'm just trying to make her feel the best.
P.S Not to brag but I have read quite a bit about oral sex and when I go down on them it's a guaranteed clitoral orgasm, sometimes G-spot but it's more rare. At sex i suck a but that is a whole new level of discussions and tons of problems, mostly psychological.
Im really curious...
If really curious, then go and read The Program.