i have been married for 7 years now, life is wonderful, yes it has it's up's and down's but all is well.
the problem is: i know when my wife gets mad, and this time she is mad for some thing i did, and to be honest i don't know what did i do wrong.
i tried to ask here what is the matter and she says with a calm voice: nothing ( ladies you kill us when you say that ).
yesterday was our wedding anniversary, i got here flowers and a beautiful cake ( i know that i sow a smile but then back to the you are guilty look ).
i did not sleep in bed but i preferred to sleep on the couch. when i woke up i found a message on my mobile: why did you leave me alone in bed?!
i have been cuddling her and kissing here when i come from work and when we go to bed but she gives me her back and went to sleep.
she is trying to get me to figure out what i did wrong.
sorry guys but i just wanted to talk, this situation is killing me.
Mon, 05/09/2011 - 05:32
#1
trouble in paradise
have you thought that maybe she wanted some intimacy in many forms especially on your anniversary??
i have tried to see what is the problem but no answer before or after the anniversary but still nothing. i did not stop loving hugging kissing her but still nothing.
oh well you have to be a little more descriptive. a woman saying "nothing" can mean anything.
From the perspective of a woman:
*She thinks you should know what you did wrong. The "nothing", means "if you don't know I'm not going to tell you". You seem to get that part of it.
*Leaving the bed on your anniversary added insult to whatever injury is going on here.
*Lay it on the table for her. Let her know that you get that she's upset but can't figure out why, even though you know she wants you to. Ask her to help you by opening up to you about it, so you have the opportunity to apologize and try to fix it. An apology for the solitude on the anniversary might help too.
This "Nothing" and trying to get you to read her mind is NOT adult behavior.
You're a man. You do not do nuance. You do not read minds. Your message to her is "speak up or get over it".
Either she comes across with why or you just take her at her word that nothing's wrong and act accordingly.
The way to stop all such "little girl games" is to refuse to play along by ignoring her being annoyed (as above)...
OR
attack this 'silent treatment' head-on
"I realise that you're upset but you have to realise that I don't read minds, so tell me what's gotten you so annoyed."
If she still says nothing - you then say "Fine. You're annoyed for no reason at all. How frequently can I expect you to be annoyed for no reason at all in the future? I like to plan these things. Perhaps in the future I can give you a reason to be mad? I'm just trying to be helpful here. It must be hard on a woman, this being annoyed for no reason as opposed to being annoyed for a reason?."
Exasperate her. Nag her. Don't give her a moment's peace on this issue. But not weepingly as a lapdog; insert an air of honest he-man quasi-humorous inquiry because "women are crazy". Show her no mercy and she won't do this again.
we had a talk and she explained the problem. and all is well now.
thanks guys.