After calling around trying to get an appointment with various different gynecologists, I have realized that there seems to be no way that I can get an appointment before I leave to visit The Boy. This is a problem because The Boy and I had agreed that sex was a possibility this visit, and whether it's due to a tough hymen or a tight vagina that hasn't responded to my attempts at gradual stretching (hence trying to get an appointment with the gynecologist) insertion of anything is very painful for me. I've gotten to the point where I can insert half of a junior-sized tampon very slowly- this is a very big deal for me. Obviously, though, half of a junior-sized tampon is nothing compared to the penis of a tall male.
My question is thus twofold. We are probably going to attempt to have sex under the general theory that if my problem is indeed a stubborn hymen, sex is generally regarded as a natural remedy for that problem. Based on your experience, would this seem to be a reasonably sensible decision or should we hold off on this until after I've gotten a gynecologist's opinion? If we go ahead and try it, what would be your suggestions (besides start out well-aroused, go slowly, and use plenty of lubricant) to make this easier for both of us?
Your responses are very much appreciated as I am not exactly about to ring up my mother to ask for her opinions on the matter. ;)
Not trying to step on feet here (Brandye's) just a few thoughts. Do you know if your hymen is intact? Can you see it? If so, here were a few random thoughts when I read your post. If the Gyn is too far out; look for a General Surgeon, a Women's Health or Family Health Nurse Practitioner or Physicians Assistant (a female) many understand & will help out too, Planned Parenthood, a Gyn Clinic, or even try a "walk in center" or Minor Treatment ER...about 90% of those I know would do it if a patient was in need and having these issues. If all else fails, try a gyn & tell them you are having pain inserting a tampon and need to be seen--generally they will bump your appointment up faster since all keep open daily appointments for those who need to be seen sooner.
If not the hymen...did you try the tampon with LOTS of lube in you first and also on the tampon? Or a tapered Candle with LOTS of lube? Since you can get a tampon half way in, makes me believe it's not the hymen. Maybe if you are of age to drink, try to have a few sips of wine and masturbate to see if this help relax the muscles.
Good luck, Brandye has good suggestions! You can always take a trip to her! LOL!
[quote]Do you know if your hymen is intact? Can you see it? [/quote]
To the best of my knowledge, it is, and when I compare what I see in the mirror to the photos I have found online, yes, I can see it. The difference is that what I am thinking is my hymen is a solid barrier of pink flesh whereas in the photos and diagrams it is more often shown with a hole in the center. That's why I'm thinking I need a gynecologist's help for this one. But for all I know, I am not seeing what I think I am seeing.
[quote]
If not the hymen...did you try the tampon with LOTS of lube in you first and also on the tampon? [/quote]
Oh yes. Starting to think I should buy stock in Astroglide (I hate KY. Hate it hate it hate it. Never again.)
[quote]Maybe if you are of age to drink, try to have a few sips of wine and masturbate to see if this help relax the muscles.[/quote]
That was one of the first things I tried, and it didn't seem to make a difference.
[quote]Good luck, Brandye has good suggestions! You can always take a trip to her![/quote]
Well, hmm, I am going to be on that side of the pond... :D
Thank you for your suggestions- I will call around and see. I may also be able to get an aunt, who is an internist, to call in a favor for me if I have to do that.
You aunt should be able to do it! Ask her!!!
Well, you have heard what I would have said - mostly. All women should have a gyn exam before becoming sexually active. For you, that is even more indicated. I recommend you put off vaginal intercourse until you do see a gyn and make certain you are dealing with a tough hymen (easily fixed) as opposed to muscle contractions or other issues.
There are lots of neat things to do with that thing other than take it into your vagina.
[quote]
There are lots of neat things to do with that thing other than take it into your vagina.[/quote]
Exactly what I will be demonstrating to The Boy in lieu of sex if it comes to that. ;)
[quote]I recommend you put off vaginal intercourse until you do see a gyn and make certain you are dealing with a tough hymen (easily fixed) as opposed to muscle contractions or other issues.[/quote]
The gyn I saw prior to this (this would be for a second opinion) said "Get a little tipsy before you have sex." Didn't answer my questions about what else I could do. I was thinking that if sex were contraindicated she would have mentioned it. What are your thoughts on this?
I would not recommend getting drunk. If the issue is your hymen, that is easily fixed in a matter of seconds by any doctor. If it is muscle tension, then the issue is quite differetn and you are not going to get it solved in time.
There is much to be learned doing handjobs, blowjobs and other stimulating techniques. You can learn to relax by simply allowing him to explore with whatever technique you wish. Most women have a good bit of practice at playing before they actually admit a penis to their vaginas.
it could be that you have a sort of hymen deformation link
i had a septate hymen, and it had to be surgically removed (gyn's orders)
This link will take you to one of many sites that have illustrations of hymens and their various formations.
Additional information, photographs, and illustrations on this and other related topics can be found here and elsewhere on this very informative site.
> There is much to be learned doing handjobs, blowjobs and other stimulating techniques. You can learn to relax by simply allowing him to explore with whatever technique you wish. Most women have a good bit of practice at playing before they actually admit a penis to their vaginas.
Just out of curiosity, how long have you and "the boy" been dating? During this time, how long have the two of you been fooling around?
I ask because there is sometimes a rush to the finish line or destination without a lot of time spent enjoying the "ride" in between. If the two of you have not spent a lot of dates just fooling around and making out then I would urge the two of you to place your emphasis on this as Brandye suggests.
I also recommend that the two of you devote some time to reading several of the subjects listed in this Index:
One Stop Shopping--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics
There are many tips and much information to glean.
Folks,
We have nothing to tell us to jump to the conclusion that the hymen is the problem.
Talk to a doctor who is more sympathetic to your issue and make certain you describe in great detail what is occuring.
Thank you, Brandye, for all of your help. The research (theoretical and practical) that I have done indicates that the hymen is the issue, but of course I lack your experience and as such your expertise is valuable to me. Although I wasn't able to get to a gynecologist prior to the visit (ahh, long-distance relationships, gotta love them) I do have an appointment scheduled after I return and will certainly be asking plenty of questions.
DancingDoc, I have read all of the stickies suggested. Thank you for the link of photos of hymens- that is in fact one of the sites where I found the photos I used as comparisons. As for The Boy- we've been dating long enough to have mutually decided that we're ready to take the next step forward. No rush to the finish line here- it's about the journey, and as far as I'm concerned, the ultimate destination isn't about sex, it's about a relationship.
As far as sex goes this time? I think we're going to play it by ear, see how things go, and see how it works out. If not... well, as Brandye said, there are plenty of other options that both of us enjoy.
Thank you to everyone for your help- these forums are a great resource and I am grateful to all who lent me their experience.
Ears work, too, though I have never tried that!
I'm sure it would be possible although I personally find other places more interesting! :D