It all depends. Some women's first 3-4 times are painful. Others, their first time is just a "discomfort". thats how mine was for the most part.

> someone suggested to a virgin that she get on top of her sex partner the first time she has sex because that way she'll be able to "have control"...and go "at [her]own speed". Do girls actually do this?

But of course. The reason this suggestion has been recommended is because the Woman Superior position gives the woman the ability to "have control" over the following:

a. Initial placement of the penis against the hymen (if it is intact)
b. Amount of pressure used to insert the penis
c. Angle of penetration to some extent
d. Speed of penetration
e. Depth of penetration
f. Rate of and length of stroking
g. Speed of stroking
h. Her arousal

Hymens come in various configurations. If still intact, it may or may not (partially) block the entrance to the vagina. They can also have one or more openings in the membrane and the opening(s) can be of different sizes. Knowing the state or condition of yours is useful. (Do some exploring and have a look if you have yet to do so.) If you have a hymen and if you position the head of the penis either against the space between the hymen and the wall of the vagina, or, against the largest opening (assuming more than one) then penetration is likely to be easier.

I urge men not to poke, prod, or jab the penis into the vagina or against the hymen if it is there. Use pressure to effectively try and gain entry. Be gentle, guys! The vaginal opening often needs a bit of coaxing in order to expand, initially. If the hymen is also there, poking or jabbing it is just being unnecessarily rough on her--and you. Pressures against the penis go directly to the root structure within the body making it ache and we sometimes loose our erection because of this. So, steady pressure is best.

With the woman atop her lover, she can sometimes position the penis at an angle that is more comfortable. Much depends upon the inherent angle of the penis and the angle of her torso. In addition, while she may not have this useful information for first-time intercourse, it might be useful, later.

Speed of penetration is an important consideration. Along with this is (b). By assuming the superior position, she, not he, controls the amount and degree of pressure of the penis used to gain entry. She can back off if necessary, or press harder, shorter, longer, or whatever feels right and necessary at the moment.

Depth of penetration is also important. She can choose whether the penis goes shallow or deep and at what speed. It is her body and she has direct feedback on all of this so this is why the WS position is so beneficial for first-time intercourse.

f-h are all pretty much up to her as far as comfort and pleasure are concerned.

This position lets her be in charge of how she is aroused. There are two types of actions that work, separately or in combination. The first is to use a rocking or grinding motion as you sit on him. You can undulate your genitals against his pubic area and as a result have direct control over what happens how and when. The other action is to raise and lower your torso in order to stroke the penis and rub against your pieces-parts. Because you are in control and have benefit of direct feedback you know what action to take every moment. The woman is pretty much at the mercy of what the man opts to do (and how) if the couple chooses to use the defact standard "Missionary" position.

The man is not without input in the process. He can use his hands to steady her body and motion. He can continue to kiss and caress her. He can do pelvic lifts when she is raising and lowering her body. Depending upon how animated she becomes in her actions, he can use his hands to steady her breasts. Also, he can caress them at the same time she is doing other things.

There is nothing written in the sex manuals that says using the Missionary position for first time intercourse a necessary requirement to loosing one's virginity. It may be traditional, although, certainly not mandatory in this enlightend day and age.

> ...and go "at [her]own speed". Do girls actually do this? How the heck is this possible?

Making love is and should be a partnership. It is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other. There are lots and lots of sexual positions. You will find plenty of illustrations that depict how to use each one. Again, nowhere is it professed in any sex manual that I know of that the woman must remain a passive participant in the process of making love. She can and should take the initiative once in a while. Whether or not she does or not, she should also feel free to "let go" and to get into the moment as her arousal and passions build. As such she is entirely free to go at her own speed whatever that entails.

> I'm a virgin and I could never imagine riding a guy the first time I have sex because the first time will probably be so painful, I'll barely be able to move! I thought the first time is too painful?

Asked and answered, hopefully. Brandye has addressed this matter many times before. Much of whether there will be pain or not and to what extend depends upon several factors.
* how resilient the vaginal opening is
* how rough he is at gaining entry
* whether or not there is a hymen
* how relaxed you are

There may be little or no pain, some discomfort for a few times; or, it may be painful. That there might be too much to cope with or be able to move is a bit overstated. Now, having said that, there are some things you can do beforehand to help prepare the way and make the process easier, whether you have a hymen or not.

If you do, you can employ this exercise using your finger(s) to apply tension against the opening in order to help expand it. You can do this over the course of several days and while sitting in the bathtub partially filled with warm water that will help make the tissue more plyable.

In addition to working with the hymen if there is one, you can also work with the vaginal opening by using one finger to pull in each of the four directions, in turn, holding the pressure for a few moments before moving to the next direction. After a few days you should be able to insert two fingers, either of the same hand or one from each. When you can do this, you can tug in opposite directions. Plan to devote a couple of weeks to this on a daily or twice daily basis before attempting intercourse for the first time. There is no guarantee that all pain or discomfort will be eliminated; however, the exercise will certainly make the going easier and more pleasant, overall.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

Isador,

This is not the place to post this. The mods use this area for Boards news and, I am sorry, your defloration is not big news.

The pqain invovled is overblown in many accounts. A very few women do have intense pain; most have a piercing and almost instantaneoud pain and many of us wondered what is the big deal. If you focus on expecting pain, you will have it. I am among those who advocate the woman on top to control the speed and depth the first time. If, however, you are so focused on pain, you would probably backoff at the last minute.

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i used to think the same thing...i was like "are you crazy i cant do that" (i thought it would be embarasing) but it was actually pretty cool, and dont worry the pain will let you move its not like you are dying...just start slow and then get faster (at your own sped) just tell him to let you do it cuz trust me itll be easier for you cuz you know how hard to do it, and how fast to do it.

from a girl that knows...

Great post, dancingdoc2. :)