Hello everyone, first I wanted to thank you all for being here to help people solve problems in their lives. Second I wanted to say that I think this website is a great and informative source for people stuck in a state of confusion in regards to their relationships with their loved ones. Now on to the problem...
I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now and we have had sex multiple times before. We rarely get the opportunity to have time alone due to certain circumstances but when we do have time alone and get the chance to get intimate she can't enjoy it. I'm not sure if I'm too big for her or just the fact that she was a virgin before she met me and she is still extremely tight. I try to warm her up beforehand with fingering and what not, but that doesn't solve the problem. No matter what, when I first try to penetrate she writhes in pain, and thats the last thing I want her to feel when we are trying to make love. I want her to enjoy it more than I do, and I feel we have come to a very weird place in our sexual relationship. She told me recently that she doesn't look forward to it anymore because it hurts her too much. I have tried vaseline to make it easier on her, but once again, it is very painful for her. I want to make this work for us but I just don't know how, any advice would be very appreciated!! Thank you.
Maybe she needs a shrink or something to get at whatever is preventing her from enjoying it. And/or an obgyn to see if there's something wrong with her.
"Multiple times" in a year though is more likely what the problem is. You been going out for a whole year and have only had sex "multiple" times? She needs to get over it and allow it to hurt even 10 times in a row. Then she'll start enjoying it.
Is she frigid otherwise?
Every woman should have a complete gyn exam before her first experience. You should have no more sex until she gets this checked out and determines that everything is as it should be.
Please ignore the idiotic response in the above post.
Brandye, I have tried getting her to to go the doctor to get checked but she seems very uncomfortable with sharing that part of her life with he doctor. Would you have any suggestions as to how I should approach her about it? Being very direct and forward doesn't seem to be working with her.
As far as crackbaby, it's hard for us to have time to have sex because of time constraints and conflicting schedules. We barely have time to hang out during the week let alone have sex.
How long does it take to have sex if both of you want to?
This is her problem right now, you're being too easy on her (or just right if you don't really want to get laid). She needs to find another doctor if she isn't comfortable with her's. And she doesn't have to discuss it with him, she can get a referral to a gynecologist without saying much to him at all. If he won't, then many walk-in clinics will give her this referral too.
I 90% guarantee that its just her being too wound up over some issue and she needs something else.
Does it work when you two have been drinking?
Here's the thing as far as being easy on her goes. I'm not the type of guy that is going to demand sex from the girl that I love. I want her to enjoy it, and it usually doesnt take very long for us to get into it. The tough part is that we always have time constraints and that puts a mental block on her, I know that for sure. I want her to just let go and fully immerse herself in it, and we have done that before in the past.
I can't force her to go the doctor, all I could do is ask her to make an appointment and keep reminding her that she needs to do this. I feel I may be a little too girthy for her at this point and I'll probably have to bust out the bottle of astroglide to make it work.
Rob,
The doctors she would see hasseen and heard about anything that might be discussed. Yes, our sexual parts and their functioning is somewhat embarrassing to talk about. I am prejudiced but always see a woman physician for my gyn stuff. Anything else, I do not care whether male or female.
I have seen women die young because they refused to discuss issues with their physicians. We all have bodies; we all are sexual beings. We (SHE) must learn to get help when we need it.
you haven't been trying lube?
definitely go with astroglide, especially around the opening depending on how she's shaped your dick being lubed up will help a lot there.
Forget the "do it alone" advice from Crackie there.
SHE NEEDS TO SEEK MEDICAL ADVICE BECAUSE SEX SHOULD NOT HURT.
This is NOT because of you and/or your size (girth) whatever. This is HER.
The ONLY question you have to ask yourself is do you REALLY want to be with a female who will AVOID taking care of herself in such a fundamental way? If she had a broken leg - she would go to the doctor - yes? Well, this is the same thing - only more important because this will affect the rest of her life and her chances of having children - whereas her broken leg would heal on its own only not as well as if she had sought medical treatment.
She is not a child and it is time she stopped behaving like a child.
Until she sees the doctor - no more sex from you - period. For several reasons:
1. YOU do not enjoy causing her pain - so stop doing it
2. SHE needs to step-up and learn to take care of problems
3. BOTH of you cannot be going on like this and expect to have this relationship amount to anything
Sit her down and tell her everything I have said.
Then stick to your guns - no sex until she's fixed.
Thanks for your response everyone... unfortunately we broke up earlier this morning and things are just confusing now.
Evilkitten we werent having sex in the first place, and yes I know she needs to take care of herself and I don't know why she doesn't. I don't know where we will go from here, but it was somewhat of a mutual breakup. Life goes on..