try moving to areas that are not so sensitive if she starts to hurt move away from her clitoris. actually on this board it is widely said that only 25 % of women can acheive an orgasm but I suppose like the uncut or not debate the one about how many women can orgasm is another one that can go on for ever

> My problem (surprise surprise) is that I can't get her to orgasm. Any time I am fingering her or giving her oral she seems to really enjoy it, I have been able to stimulate her clitoris and I think her G-spot as well.

Hi,
Your situation is probably the most asked on the Board and the one I answer the most. I'm surprised you have not run into one of those replies.

It is important to know that we do not give orgasms away. Each of us is responsible for our own. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achieve his/hers. In order to do this, we must learn to mimic their established routine of motions, rhythms, and pressures. So, while each of us understands the basics of fingering a clitoris and stroking a penis, there is more that I call the "Fine Art". It is this that must be learned. Upon learning to masturbate and climax, each of us quickly develops and then settles into a method that we then pretty much rely upon to bring about our climaxes. We can vary the method somewhat, however, if we miss the mark too much either an orgasm will not happen or it will be less than anticipated.

> I always make sure she is turned on and into it before doing anything to make sure she is well lubricated etc. and I also have tried many different techniques.

Way to go! A couple should devote no less than half an hour (more within reason if time permits) just making out--meaning, kissing and caressing each other's body, before ever moving on to foreplay.

> The thing is that she seems to be getting really into it (more moaning, moving along with it etc.), but after a while she just closes her legs and says thats enough.

This is not because she is not enjoying the moment and it does not mean that you have necessarily done anything incorrectly, only that she is tired and "sore".

> Now when I asked her she says that shes never had an orgasm, but what happens, as she tells me, is that it begins to feel too good/hurt/ become over stimulated or something to that extent and can never get a release.

Yup. We are all born with the millions of sensitive nerve ending in our erogenous zones and the rest of our skin {being the largest sex organ), and a pleasure center in the brain, AND, the "wiring" to connect everything known as the autonomic nervous system, yet Mother Nature has pulled a trick on us by not establishing the actual connections after puberty. This is why it is absolutely critical for each one of us male and female to learn to masturbate determine what it takes to trigger an orgasm. Once we can do this regularly and consistantly, we can then coach our partner on how to mimic our technique. Boys learn to masturbate matter-of-factly right out of puberty. Girls either learn later in life, if at all. The reason probably has to do with lower testosterone levels.

> I'm not really sure what to try, I have asked her to tell me what she likes and she just says she doesn't really know and that I am doing a good job, she just can't orgasm.

She won't be able to orgasm until she learns how to cause her own climaxes. This requires practice and some time alone learning about masturbation.

The clitoris is constructed like the penis albeit in miniature. The shaft is buried beneath the skin, and, the glans known as the "tip" does not have an opening for the urethra that is routed separately to the pelvic floor. Another major difference is that it has been estimated that the tip contains twice the number of nerve endings as does the glans! Now, if you consider how sensitive your glans is, just imagine what any woman experiences with twice as many nerve endings in an area about the size of a pencil eraser.

After a fair amount of touching, many women complain that their clitoris becomes too sore to touch. It really isn't pain, just that the hypersensitivity manifests itself as such. This is only temporary and will go away shortly. Men often experience the same sensation of pain only we get it immediately after a climax.

So, what is a loving partner to do? The answer is simple--stimulate the clitoris indirectly. This can be accomplished by folding the inner labia over the clitoris and massaging it indirectly; by rubbing the shaft, and, by fingering her adjacent pieces-parts.

> Is there anything I can do that I haven't tried (I've looked through and read all the guides on the website)?

YES! Let her read this in order to expand her knowledge about sex and human physiology. Unless and until she learns how to achieve climaxes on her own, she will not be able to by your attempts.

Once she can do this, then it is important to provide feedback either verbally or non-verbally on how she is responding to your caresses, and, for what she may need, now. The same holds true for you with her.

> I heard that only 85-90% of women can have orgasms, could she just not be able to? I honestly hope not, but I'm not sure what I can do. Any help is appreciated!

There is that possibility, yet until she decides to try and make a determined effort she will continue to remain a preorgasmic female. What's more, she will never know which catagory she falls into.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

what is fan fiction ? well certainly just having her browse this forum would offer a lot of help and insight

> But the problem still remains getting her to feel comfortable doing it. I try to be very open in regards to these matters, but I never will force her to do something she doesn't want to. Any advice there?

Give her the opportunity and the time to grow and mature.

> And as far as getting her to read this website etc. I'm not too sure how she would feel about that either.

I misspoke: what I meant before was for her to read our exhanges back and forth (this thread) in order for her to perhaps gain a greater understanding of the entire matter. She just needs some time to learn more about her body, it physiology, the male and his, and just general sex ed stuff. It'll all come in due course.

out of curiosity how old are you. yes perhaps print off this thread or just docs reply and have her read it maybe she will start to graps and be curious enough to come here later

Achieving orgasm for some women requires a certain mental preparedness and then an uncertainty. Some experts suggest acting like you would assume that having an orgasm would make you act without forcing it. I have used this trick in the past with the great reward of having multiple orgasms and triggering some powerful ones for my boyfriend too. Suggest that she may want to try this the next time that you are doing something.

Another suggestion, with increased sensitivity in one's nether regions it is a good strategy to move away from the sensitive area and concentrate on another erogenous zone. I know it can seem less fun but it will not be pleasant if you do overstimulate her clitorus. I accidentally did this to my boyfriend's head once... he didn't want me to touch him for like an hour because he felt slightly violated. Or try using a piece of cloth to touch her with. It lightens up the pressure of your touch and makes it easier to keep from overdoing it.

Good luck.

Excerpt from your message: "My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost 2 yrs now, and we love each other very much. Right now we have done just about everything but have sex. We are both virgins so neither of us have any experience...The thing is that she seems to be getting really into it (more moaning, moving along with it etc.), but after a while she just closes her legs and says thats enough. Now when I asked her she says that shes never had an orgasm, but what happens, as she tells me, is that it begins to feel too good/hurt/ become over stimulated or something to that extent and can never get a release."

It's hard to make assumptions from the little bit of information given, but here is my take on it:
Since she has dated you for 2 years and is still a virgin, perhaps the "problem" is in her head...not sure she wants to have an orgasm before having vaginal sex; guilt feelings that if she has an orgasm, she won't be or feel like a virgin anymore; afraid of what the orgasm will be or feel like; wonders if she'll somehow be different after; etc. Your comments made me wonder how well you have both really communicated about her feelings.
I can very much relate to her actions. I'm so sensitive that when I come, I practically kick my partner away. History: I was a virgin until I was married, and don't regret it for a minute. Yes, we fooled around before, too, but never went all the way and I never had an orgasm. Because of the way I was raised and my beliefs, I felt guilt about sex before marriage. However, after marriage, when guilt was no longer any consideration....WOW!! I am very sensitive as well and have multiples EVERY time I have sex. I'm older now, divorced and dating, but my sex life never wants for lack of orgasms.
My advice:
Talk to her more; consider how expectations of family, friends, each other, etc. may be coming into play; decide what you're BOTH comfortable doing (physically and emotionally).