If you've read some of my other posts, you've realised that my fiancée and I are separated by distances, until the 6th of July. So, because of this we talk about fantasies, turn ons, turn offs, etc. Recently we were flirting and discussing things we always wanted to do...and I said I always wanted to be tied up, and let the man have complete control over me, then do the same. This is a huge turn on, because up till him no body (why do you think I'm with him? ;) LOL) could over power me sexually. I am a very dominant person in life, and in sex...so I got bored easy of the submissiveness...I find it thrilling if someone can show me that I'm not really the boss! This leads to my current wants; the biggest turn on to me is a man who can make me vulnerable and overpower me in bed. Thus the whole "forced sex" thing is a huge turn on, and so is being tied up.
Anyways, we had briefly mentioned this before, and I was assuming its a turn on for him too because he didn't object. Recently, we discussed this in depth since we will be together really soon. I said how hot it would be, and that I wanted him to do it...he answered with some neutral, non-enthusiastic answer. So I asked him if he found it hot, having complete control over me and teasing me as much as he liked. He replied that he always has control over me (which is somewhat true :( lol) and doesn't need to tie me up to tease me! I agreed, because its correct...but he seemed to miss the point lol. He said after that he would do it for me, in that kind of...unconditional "I'll do it just for you even if I don't like it" type of thing...like the cliché when a man takes a woman to a romantic comedy type of thing.
So my problem is, I don't know if I should. :( I mean...he might end up really liking it! And for some weird reason I might end up NOT liking it...but chances are, he'll just be neutral about it and I'll love it...I'll feel guilty just "taking" and not giving, I can't think of any fantasy of his that doesn't interest me. This is the only vision we don't have in common. I might not enjoy it either...if I know he's not...any suggestions?
Btw, our relationship is fairly evenly balanced dominance/power wise...Its clear he wears the pants, but that doesn't mean I always wear the skirt!
I am interested in reading women's perspective on this.
If the two of you do go through with this, be absolutely sure you have a safe word. A safe word can be any word or phrase that is not used in general conversation that when spoken stops the proceedings immediately if not sooner, no questions asked. Words like "no", "stop", "don't do that", "quit" are not to be used as safe words.
My take on the matter is that your boyfriend is a kind and considerate man who does not want to come across to you as a beast or cruel individual. So far he has either not separated real world reality from roll playing fantasy. To do this he has to have confidence in his place within the relationship.
Oh it wouldn't be at all violent or anything, I'm not that hardcore S&M :). I was thinking just silk ribbon around my wrists tied to the bed posts, with maybe some candles and soft music. More romantic and erotic than hardcore. But we always communicate during, to make sure we're both happy and enjoying.
He is VERY kind and considerate, he even gets afraid of hurting my back problem when he squeezes me tight :D. The beast part though, its fine we talked about it, we always act ourselves...besides I always like it rough/hard, and he loves feeling masculine and in complete control, we love doggy style ;). By forced I meant in the sense of him pushing me into bed and pinning me down etc, not hitting/harming like real rape. I don't mind some pain, like being fu-cked so hard it hurts a bit...or being bitten/scratched...but not actually being hit. Just not my thing.
Roleplaying is something neither of us have done yet, but we both want to. In fact sometimes hes more enthusiastic than I am. We even have a cliché one for my "forced sex" fantasy that we've been planning; me as an innocent virginal school girl (complete in a plaid miniskirt and blouse), him as the bad boy or a teacher...He finds me studying or something, starts touching my boobs/pussy...I get upset and scared and try and push him away, but he over powers me and starts "molesting" me, perhaps ripping my clothes off of me or something to that nature, forcing me to have sex with him...I hate it at first, but then begin to love it, and even pleasure him :). Very much a typical hentai to be honest rofl.
Hope this clarifies some things!
Me and my bf also experience dstance relationships - and by coincidence until 9th of july, very similar to yours!
As for being tied up, I'll say - go for it. You don't know if you'll like it or love it or hate it? But how else can you find it out? If he's indiferent, not against it, then there is also a chance he will like it.
I started with silky scarf and now it developed to a tiny bit more extreme (don't know how to call that thing - maybe ropes?). I find it a huge turn on. Playing different things is definitely very good idea, spices sex up to the roof. Don't feel guilty or anything about wanting to try new things (as long as they're not damaging others of course...)
I am curious why he said he always has control over you? Anyways, I think when you first see each other you'll just enjoy the moment, as for the tying up? It's a tough one if he is not into it. Some men are okay with it since they know it's your fantasy, other's will not do it, or to any extent where it's fun. Pantyhose work well and silk ties off your robes work good yet are not too tight. Real handcuffs? They hurt and it's too easy to loose the key (not to mention embarrassing ;) ). You both have to be on the same page with it or it's just a giant disappointment. You know the rest of the stuff, mentioned by other's here...
[QUOTE=sera300;185022] Anyways, I think when you first see each other you'll just enjoy the moment, as for the tying up?[/QUOTE]
We have been together before "in real life", its not our first meeting. Not sure if thats what you meant or no. We have also had sex before already ;).
Well he knows my weaknesses/turn ons, and knows how to make me relax and just let him "do his thing". I dunno really...I know if I asked or tried when he was tired I could be in charge easy, maybe its an ego thing for him :p.
Anyways I don't want to use real handcuffs, too rough. Just some soft fabric so it doesn't chaff or give me rug burn :(.
Laika, this isn't really to spice up our love life. We have only had sex a dozen times, probably a bit more than that, and it has been in similar situations (because we were not home alone). I have done oral on him, as the "main event" but we haven't had time for him to do the same, he's only gone down on me to finish me because we have to do quick penetration unfortunately, due to the fact my mother was around. We have lots of "normal" stuff to still explore together, we're not at all bored yet! This is just a fantasy I have.
July 6th is when he is moving in with my mother and I, and we'll be sharing my room. We'll be able to do whatever we feel like then. :D
No, I knew you have been together before! I meant when you see each other after so long apart you way just want to spend some nice time together! Kink is good to spice it up! LOL!
Wow, July's a good month. I see my far away friend a little bit later than you guys, but in July nonetheless.
A little light bondage, like a silk ribbon around the wrists or ankles, would arouse me incredibly. Perhaps with a little bit more encouragement he could discover how pleasing the idea is.
Besides, if he ends up getting off, who cares, right?
[QUOTE=sera300;185027]No, I knew you have been together before! I meant when you see each other after so long apart you way just want to spend some nice time together! Kink is good to spice it up! LOL![/QUOTE]
Lol okay! Well to be honest...as much as I love sex, I miss snuggling and kissing the most :(...but then I'm a hopeless romantic...but SHH YOU DON'T KNOW THAT! :p
Ephemera, I loved your last comment...so true! :D
Tying up can be a lot of fun.
my girlfriend and i discovered it about six months ago, and we've been doing it consistently since. it was her fantasy, and it took a little convincing (i love her and didnt initally like the idea of "using" her that way). im glad she convinced me to try it. i have to admit theres an especially erotic feeling of being in control of her, and she tells me that she loves the feeling "turning herself over to me"(her words, not mine). it is an incredibly intimate time, because the emotions really come into play, more so than in normal sex.
just make sure you work out a safeword ahead of time. we use the "light" system. green=harder/rougher, yellow=take it down a notch, red=everything stops instantly. be sure your safeword isn't something you'll say accidentally. haven't heard red yet, and 9 times out of 10 if shes using a signal it's "green"
I'd totally go for it. Even though my wife is a very sensitive person, she WANTS me to use handcuffs on her. I don't understand it, but I like it just the same. She also uses them on me. You're right about one thing - it's quite an eye-opener to realize how much you're not the boss. Maybe more so for me, because in our family traditions, the husband is king..... It's fun. You should try it, but gently.
Oki, I'll bring it up with him sometime in the near future, and share the experience ;).
it seems like people who who are more dominant outside of sex really like to be dominated during sex
my girlfriend is really loud and outspoken and im kinda shy but whenever we have sex she always wants to be submissed