I noticed that you seem to be thinking cautiously about this because of reasons like "I don't know how I'm supposed to look". I warn against that. Sex is a very big step to take in life, and if you're going to take that step...you need to be absolutely SURE you're ready. If you feel confident that you want to take that step, you need to be worried more about things like using contraceptives than what you're going to look like.

Also, when my now ex-girlfriend and I first had sex, we were both virgins. When we first got together, we weren't ready for sex, and it took us a long time before we both were. I would advise that if you're thinking about having sex, think about the risks involved first. Think about if you're ready to open up that much to someone, and if you feel you are, start thinking about things like contraceptives and picking a good locale. (we did it in a public restroom....wouldn't vouch for that lol)

Don't worry about mundane things such as "what am I supposed to look like down there". It's really not a big issue and if it is, it shouldn't be.

Hold off for a while...read through the board and all the stickies...you will find vagina's all look different...as do penis'....read, be informed, use contraception which is appropriate...I suggest read a lot then come back to see what you need clarified...:)

Sex isn't just about him; it's about both of you. If you two are truly committed enough to be having sex, what you look like down there shouldn't matter.

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums, Anon. I hope you enjoy participating.

Please find the Index at the top of the main screen and read through the list of informative and how-to articles. There is much information in these articles and throughout the various forums that will be helpful to you and your boyfriend.

Flyer, Sera300, and Browser, have each contributed much insight and caution, please read the following:

Am I Ready For Sex?

Birth Control Failure Rates

> i dont know what he's expecting me too look like down there or ... anything like that.

In and of itself, this statement tells us that you are not ready. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week or in six months, but not today.

When a person falls for another, we unconditionally accept the total package including the parts as yet unseen. Everybody has body image issues. Just look at the thousands! of posts on the Board about penis size and am I adequate. Girls often concern themselves with breast size, asymmetry, thunder thighs, my bottom is too this or too that, my legs are... and so on and so on. In a word: forgetaboutit.

What should concern you are:
* Why do I want sex
* Am I ready and for all the right reasons
* Do I trust him
* Do I have self confidence (even if I do not know a lot)
* That I understand that sex is not what we do to each other; rather what we do with and for each other; that it is the outward expression of our love.
* Contraception, meaning that you take equal responsibility for birth control.
* That regardless of how much or how little knowledge and skill each of us has, we will explore and learn together in partnership.
* That the first time or few times things may not go as hoped for or as planned. If you can laugh it off, not get all hung up on the disappointments and grow together, then your love life in general will be healthier.
* That each of you has read and studied and continue to learn as much as you can about the how-to's of relationships; that you study and learn all you can about love making techniques and how to pleasure each other, now, and in the future. If he shows little or no interest in learning and improving what he knows and does and how this translates into a better relationship, then this is more important than what your pieces-parts look like to him.

Continue your education by reading through the Index and reading the appropriate articles listed in it. He should read them, also. After you spend some time at this, please feel free to ask for help with questions or concerns.

******************

Beckeh, this is great advice and I completely agree; however, I was using the term "learn and explore" in a different context. Couples can have no experience and very little how-to knowledge; or, they can have varying degrees of both. Regardless, when a couple join forces, regardless of experience, each new partnership begins from a new Square One. Learn and explore together means just that--acquiring knowledge and skills.

[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;203523]Beckeh, this is great advice and I completely agree; however, I was using the term "learn and explore" in a different context. Couples can have no experience and very little how-to knowledge; or, they can have varying degrees of both. Regardless, when a couple join forces, regardless of experience, each new partnership begins from a new Square One. Learn and explore together means just that--acquiring knowledge and skills.[/QUOTE]

Oh yeah, I did take it like that and do think it's very important, but I just meant, alongside that, physical "exploration" tends to work a treat, too =]

Commitment? Definitely love each other? Fine. Okay. Not necessary, of course but if you think it is - okay. Thing is, not all that big a deal. It is just sex. Lots of fun if you handle it correctly. And that's where the problems begin. The proper management of one's sex life is hardly ever taught.

I'll give it a try.

1. Recognise that it is 'just lust' not necessarily love
2. school, etc. comes first
3. don't get pregnant - get on your birth control
4. don't get diseased - he wears a condom ALWAYS
5. YOU pick HIM - not vice versa
6. keep your mouth shut - no one needs to know your personal business

As to the physical aspects of the case:

1. get an anatomy book and study up
2. the 'packaging' is not as important as is the person who wears it
3. communicate with your partner
4. if you're female learn to orgasm on your own FIRST
5. play fair - no unreal expectations and please, reciprocate
6. we're all human - be generous and kind

I think that's about it.
Any questions?

> alongside that, physical "exploration" tends to work a treat, too =]

I apologize, Beckeh, I misinterpreted what you meant.

EEK, another set of fine points.

Sometimes, it seems like it's a wonder our species is able to reproduce at all.

I find the "you pick him" not vice versa rule interesting. How do you mean that? Do you mean it in the biological sense that males pursue and females decide with whom to mate (not a universal in the animal world, but it's generally the rule), or do you mean something else (e.g. don't chase boys/men, they chase you or they are not worth anything?).

Indeed the whole picking thing is rather unclear to me. Who really drives the whole process? The initiator or the acceptor? Does the acceptor send off signals to the initiator telling the initiator to initiate (e.g. the cross room eye contact) or does the acceptor just sit and wait until something comes along and then its thumbs up or thumbs down?

Having never really played much of the dating/mating game, though having thought about it at length, I was never really able to pin this one down. It wasn't entirely clear to me that, in general, men or women picked. Certain lines of reasoning led to men being the pickers, other lines of reasoning led to women being the pickers. Perhaps your advice is gender neutral and you're just saying "GET WHAT YOU WANT!" rather than a gender specific bit of advice.

As for me and my part, my conclusion (almost solely based on my ignorance rather than an understanding of human emotional wants and needs) was that it doesn't matter either way. As long as the sperm gets to the egg and fertillization ensues, the whole game/dance/whatever the heck it is, has served it's purpose and life will go on.

But that's just me and my stunted understanding of the process (though I'm pretty sure the biology of it is mostly correct).

EEk, clarification and enlightenment would be appreciated.

Women have the ultimate say when it comes to sex. "No means no." If this no is not accepted by the man, then we have a legal system to take care of the problem.

That clarifies somewhat. I took your initial comments to mean something more than that, but if that's all you meant, that is sufficient.

Thanks!

This is a good thread cause I'm thinking of sex with my boyfriend only we are both virgins.

Me and him read the ""Am I Ready for sex?"" and ""First Time for Girls"" and "First time for Guys" together and we talked it over for a long time.

I thought it would be easier to read it with someone I want to do it with. Made it easier for me.

Doc: I've been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years and I told him I want to show him something and of course he knew what I meant cause I told him I want to show him my breasts. I was also thinking if he gets really turned on by that and wants to go further I shoudl probably get on birth control and go to the Gynetologist just incase when it happens we are prepared and paying attention.