[QUOTE=Nikki.;261881][SIZE="3">[FONT="Arial Narrow">[CENTER][COLOR="blue">I'm just wondering if anyone else has thought about certain things like...[/COLOR]
How their parents lost their virginity at an early age and do not regret it but yet they tell you to wait and so on?

Mine lost theirs on their wedding night as part 2 of their vows.

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How two teens dating for a year is not that long and they should not engage in sex but adults will date each other for a month or more or even less and decide to have sex. I realize adults are older and etc.

People who are over 22 also have fully developed brains, mainly the frontal cortex that gives us the ability to see around corners and to predict the consequences of our actions. Kids are not yet that mature and give into hormonal urges without thinking about what might result. I for one advise teens that if they want to indulge in adult activities, then they have to be adult about the potential consequences of their actions.
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[ How about...[/COLOR]
Adults will even date for 6 months and get married. But two teens who have been together for years still might not be taken seriously.

Many teens do not "play the field" and date lots of people. By not learning what humanity has to offer us in potential partners, we can severely limit our ability to find thee person who is right for us. Teens often choose a girl- boyfriend early in life and stick with this individual long after their maturity level changes and the person is no longer the best match.

Many adults have and do date lots of people and have a greater ability to select one from among the many who cross paths with them; therefore the chances for success even with short term relationships is in fact better.[/QUOTE]

I have to say I am sorry for my lack of...well I'm sorry I did not ask the questions in better form. My concussion is keeping my head in the clouds.[/CENTER][/Font][/SIZE]

You asked good questions and the form is OK, also.

Dear Nikki,

How their parents lost their virginity at an early age and do not regret it but yet they tell you to wait and so on?
I can think of two reasons:
-The thing I still find most astonishing about adults is how they seem to forget how it was when they were younger. They simply forget how to see the world like that. It is like losing a flexibility. You know; I guess that in life you gain some and lose some. I very much like the expression; "much too young to focus, way too old to see".
-And also; adults do get conflicting feelings, even if they pretend to be so "rock-steady".

My mom lost her virginity to a sailor, who later became her husband and father of her first born (no she didn't get pregnant before marriage ;)). No regrets about losing her virginity. She thinks teens should be able to have sex whenever they want and gave excellent sexual education from my early years on. But emotionally; she hates men after 2 failed marriages and years of abuse. For that reason she has a big problem with her daughter's bf's and sex, even though she likes to deny...

How two teens dating for a year is not that long and they should not engage in sex ...
What the doc says is true. Let me add things some adults (tend to) forget:
-having sex isn't getting married. That also counts for teens.
-nothing in life comes with guarantee and you can't keep protecting (your) kids, even how much you'd like too.

Yes, the consequence could be decease and/or pregnancy. And this could occur even when perfectly protected. And yes, most of the time it can quite easily "get rid off" medically. But taking penicillin to cure yourself is just of an entire different category than abortion (emotionally, ethics, relgion, etc). And when it's HIV...

The answer however is: proper sexual education and they'll be fine! The few that do get problems... well that's life. It comes without guarantees. You could also get hit by a bus, get cancer, hit your head in the kitchen and become paralyzed for life... It's about being responsible in your actions and take measures if needed.

...but adults will date each other for a month or more or even less and decide to have sex. I realize adults are older and etc
And adults claim that they're better at making such decisions, because they are older? Not true!

Adults get flushed by the same hormones as teens do. Even fullgrown men and women get all stressed out when they're "suddenly" pregnant or get freaked out merely by the chance of it. They get worked up when going to the doc for an STD-test and the doc asks them if they want to be tested for HIV too... They see their lives flashing and even perishing before their eyes. They do stupid things and suffer real consequences. Or they did nothing wrong and their lives tumble upside-down...

The things that do matter is that:
-they have a little less hormones around to confuse them (although you may beg to differ considerin some)
-they had a chance of living their life so far enjoyably (hopefully they did)
-they have the means to care for that unexpected baby (most of the time)
-they have made more mistakes and are more able to deal with it (or like to believe they can)
-they have been hit by emotions more often in life and perhaps developed coping skills (or not)
-but most of all: they've become magicians at hiding their fears, emotions and even mistakes. And fake their rock steady lives...

Off course this puts things black-white and there sure are a lot of grey's between. But I feel this explains it more clearly :)

How about... Adults will even date for 6 months and get married. But two teens who have been together for years still might not be taken seriously.
Not taking kids seriously is ALWAYS WRONG! By not taking kids seriously you deny them their right to develop. They need to able to make their own mistakes. They need to feel that they can be responsible. By belittling them, you're giving children a free pass to be irresponsible. Cause you've in fact stated that they can not and you are responsible for them.

And if the relationship doesn't make it through their twenties, well then they've been together for years and genuinely loved each other. That's more than some adults can say! And again; that bus is always going to run someone over, so make the most of life while you're living. This doesn't mean irresponsible behavior nor neglecting thinking about the future, but "living". Conciously enjoying with heart and soul!

Adults who do jump into marriage... May I exaggerate a little? They think teens have their whole lives ahead of them and so they can wait. They think that they have wasted parts and need to make up for it, so there's no time to lose... Truth is: neither works. Postponing or rushing is not it, it's waiting for the best opportune moment. And when you've missed it, it doesn't come back (most of the time).

I have to say I am sorry for my lack of...well I'm sorry I did not ask the questions in better form. My concussion is keeping my head in the clouds.
It is a very good thread! Thank you. And I've been wondering about the answers forever! Really something that has bothered me, especially in my teens. And it still does in some ways, as you may have noticed; ha, ha! I've been disappointed in adults since early teens and frankly: I still am. Cause I've learned that even with most (wo)men in their forties, they haven't learned much but to hide... And I sometimes hope that I've evolved a little further than simply being a magician, though I sometimes doubt that I have or will. We'll see, I guess: Life is beautiful and wonderfully confusing at heart.

Hope these answers give you something more to think about :)