I have not had sex with my boyfriend of a year and a half, or anyone else for that matter. He's also the only guy I've ever done anything besides making out with. I'm 17 ( 18 november), and I want to remember my first time with him. He by no means pressures me into anything, in fact when I told him his first words were "don't say that unless you mean it".
The only thing that's stopping me are my parents. I promised them a long time ago that I would not have sex with anyone unless I told them first, so we could go and get proper contraceptives. Plus I'd rather them knowing so my first time wont be rushed, and I wont be stressed out about my parents finding out.
Anyway, I'm worried about me telling them about it, then have them try to stop me.Ex: Make me stop seeing him, never letting me go anywhere with him alone etc etc.
If they do that, I most likely will do something dumb the basic lieing and telling them I'm at my friends house, then spending the night at his. Then I'll only be relying on a condum instead of a condum and birthcontrol.
I also need advice on what to say. I know I'm definitly going to wait until my dads napping and let my mom break it to him. Maybe the blunt " Mom I think I'm ready for sex " will do?
LOL being me i wouldnt say a word.. but if thats something you guys are close on.. say it.
definately be open with your mom and/or dad. they may not like hearing it but it's better that they know that you have sex. It may not seem like it but think of this... If you don't tell them or lie about it and end up getting pregnant... they will lose their trust and respect for you. I told my mom. When my dad found out he was pissed but my mom explained that she would rather me be open with her than get pregnant and pretend like I had no idea how it happened or tell them that I was lying to them. Plus if you tell them they can talk to you about birth control methods and sometimes (depending on how comfortable you are talking to eachother about sex..) they can help you to understand some of the feelings you are having and some ways your body is changing. (I'm not a parent, I'm only 18. I told my mom what was happening when I was 15 (yeah it was young and I regret that) but at least she was tehre for me to help me through the confusion.
when you have your dr appt, be open and honest with the dr and ask all the questions and express all your concerns and establish a good relationship with your dr right from the start. dont be shy and feel the dr will think your questions are silly or you dont want to waste drs time by needing things explained..... YOU ask the questions you have. if you dont understand an answer, ask for dr to explain so you do understand. if you feel the dr and/or staff are not taking enough time to explain things or are being too condenscending or any reason at all this dr just isnt "right" try another dr for your next appt. no dr has hours to spend with any single patient but you are entitled to be treated with respect and to have your questions answered .... get together a brief list of things you want to know and quesions to ask and keep it straight to the point, brief, consciece... then LISTEN to dr reply then follow up if yu need more info or dont understand.... its real important you find a dr YOU feel comfortable with. makes ALL the difference when you get treated with respect and as a person rather than rushed once over just some other patient number of a long list on schedule today.
be honest in answering dr questions regarding things you might not want known but dr needs to know if you use drugs recreatioally, or drink more than beer now and then or sneek smokes or whatever.... dr cant tell on yu. whats discussed between you 2 stays there. if you purge and binge, say so, if yu cant fall asleep, say so. go in the room alone away from mom if need be so you fill in real truth answeres and not fake ones cuz you dont want her knowing....
its important YOU know your family history of medical issues so ask mom about her and her mom and sisters and aunts and ask your grandma on dads side about her and her mom and sis and aunts.. the guys health too, any cancers, skin cancer, tb, mental problems.... all your mumps, cickenpox, when you started your 1st period.... keep a chart of your cycle cuz 1st thing they want t know will be the start date of your most recent period. any clots, cramping, ..... exam itself doesnt hurt, little pressure feeling bit touchy on tender boobs or just more akward than anything and parts being touched usually not touched the same except during gyno exam... id its an ouch, say ouch, ... follow along careful and learn how and when to self examin your boobs, and follow the instructions and examin yourself on schedule. lomps and bumps probably just darn ol fibrus cysts, so dont panic and fear the worse but dont guess diagnose anything, better safe than sorry.
us gals all been there, done that and can probably find at least one been thru about any possible issue you may encounter. we are here for yu lend support and all we can but any specifics about your meds or what is this bump or why am i clotting..... if you plan on having sex in may, ask your dr when to start taking the pills or IF you will need to take other precauctions cuz not on pill long enough yet.
now, forget all this mumbo jumbo and get thinking about picking out some sexy slinky lingerie gonna make yourself feel simply sexy as can be and oh yeah, gonna be a night you will BOTH remember....
I told my mom yesterday. She said we'd go make a doctors appointment. But yeah I'm going to wait until winter break (thanksgiving/ christmas). I'll be 18 and I'll also be able to spend a week with him where ever he gets based at (joining the air force). My mom thinks we're going to break up eithe rbefore basic or after. I dont think so, but *shrugs* whatever heh. I already told my boyfriend and he agrees that that will be better.
Heres another question, how long before winter break should I start taking birth control? I dont really know when it takes effect or anything.
I believe that you need to be on it about 3 months before it's completely effective.
Ok, hold on...I am going to tell you this as a mom...
Listen, you can take or leave any advice you choose. Hear me out.
You need to talk to your mom first, you are comfortable with this all ready and that is good. Talk to her about what is going on. Don't lie to her. She was once your age and yes, times have changed, but she has been there at some time.
Tell her how you feel, and yes she is going to try to talk you out of it. Any sane parent would, to try and protect you. It's instinct to us. Explain to her about how your personal life is. Explain to her you haven't done it...reassure her. But also tell her that you can't be sure the moment won't happen and when you feel it's right and you want to be safe also. Ask her for help, ask for advice. You don't have to take it, but when you ask and talk and listen it shows you are mature and you can go to her no matter what. KEEP the communication doors open and she will feel more comfortable with you being able to handle this, knowing that if anything does happen she and you can lean on each other.
She sounds like she has done her part on the communication, now you do yours. Tell her you want to be prepared in case and it will make the both of you feel safe about this decision.
We all know you are the only one who can say yes or no to your b/f and it's your decision. Be safe no matter what, that is all that matters.
[QUOTE=Quote (Distancedesire @ Mar. 08 2005,02:13)].... "don't say that unless you mean it".....
...The only thing .... my parents. I promised them a long time ago that I would not have sex with anyone unless I told them first, so we could go and get proper contraceptives.....
... them knowing so .....wont be stress... out .....my parents .....
.....worried about me .....most likely ....do something dumb ..... lieing ..... relying on a condum instead of a condum and birthcontrol....
.... I know I'm definitly going to wait until my dads napping and let my mom break it to him. ...[/QUOTE]
you made a promise and now its time to keep that promise.
you say you made this promise a long time ago which i gather to mean you and your folks started talking about sex same as any other topic needing to be opened up for general discussion. not necessary this all happen too early just needed to happen before it became too late to prepare you your folks asked you to let them know when that time is near.
now youre worried that your folks will try and stop you from going out? you really think this is some kind of a trick to get you to tell them yor intimate desires so they can use it against you to keep you from having sex?
ever stop and think maybe its a test to see if they can trust YOU in being honest with them? to see if you can be trusted to give truthful answers when they ask you a question?
dont give them a reason to doubt your integrity. start showing them that their efforts paid off and they have raised you to be smart and honest and respectable and conscience and trustworthy and considerate and let them see you use the good values and morals they instilled in you.
as to telling your dad, id like to say this and i understand its easy to say, tough to do i know but if the 3 of you had the initial talk then you should bring it up now when the 3 of you are together. not all serious sit down focus of whole reason i got us here, just ease it in as natural as it can be, like um remember back when we talked and you asked me to let you know ....
im not saying mom or dad needs to know specifics, just remind then they asked for your promise and now you are keeping that promise. mom will probably offer to make an appt for you with her dr. DOES NOT mean you have to use her dr, ask her who her friends go to or has she heard coworkers talk of a good one they like..... i have a midwife i go to and HIGHLY recommend trying a midwife if there is one in your area. all the years i went to th same male obgyn my mom did and i never developed the close relationship as i did first 15 minutes of initial consult with midwife.
your dad wont be jumping in giving yu pats on the back you go you ol gal of min but try and just hear what he says concerning the male viewpoint on sleezy easy gals and whoredog guys out to just screwaround..... dads hate like hell to see their daughter start dating cuz dads KNOW how sleezy guys can be. listen to what he has to say. moms too know all about smooth talkers get yu all sweet talked out of you pants and done with you then.... dont hesitate to share relationship problems with em. soundsodd as heck i know but dont kick them out of your life and count on your friends to know everything you need advice on. if you EVER get physically or mentally abused by a date, IMMEDIATELY and i MEAN IMMEDIATELY you tell mom or dad. if a guy hits you, punhesyou, kicks you, degrades you,........ DO NOT keep it a secret from your folks. any jerk forces you to do ANYTHING sexual or otherwise you dont want to do, get the heck away from him, get to a phone , call 911 and call your folks.
Hi Distancedesire,
I assume what you are wondering is whether or not to tell them you are thinking about having sex... not an actual "I plan on doing it this Saturday." You know them better than we can... how do you think they'll react if you say, "I don't know when or if I'll have sex, but I'd like to be prepared."? You won't be stating that you are "at the point", just thinking ahead. Beyond that, there are other reasons besides sex for a girl to go on birth control. I understand it helps to regulate your period, stops some of the more painful side-effects of the period, etc. You could use that as a reason.
Failing all else, you can go yourself to a clinic (like Planned Parenthood) and they can provide you with birth control pills. You should really explore all your options before relying just on a condom.
If for some reason you absolutely can't get BC pills, then at least make sure you have a spermicidal foam to use with the condoms. Don't settle for the condoms with spermicide already applied either.
It's better to take all the precautions you can. If you do get BC pills DON'T rely just on them either. Pills, condoms, and spermicides are not 100% effective. Use redundant forms and protect yourself. A mistake can mean the next 19 years OR cutting short the rest of your life.
Take care.