ok, i only read the first post and here is wut i think.

Old say, if parents tell children to dont do, children do it.
(Wutever it is said, i think u get wut i want to say)

Dont try to tell ur daughter everything.. let her find out some by her own. Sometimes, u talking too much about not doing something will make ur girl do it.

Ur advices are important , just let her find some stuff by herself..

dear tessie.

as a teenager, myself, i know for a fact that theres really nothing you can do to stop her. i just turned 16 last week, and i've never had sex nor, do i feel like i should, even tho i think i've found the right person in my boyfriend of almost 2 years! me and my mother have a really good relationship where we talk about everything and she told me, yeah, she knows she can't stop me from doing it if i really wanted to, but she wants me to talk to her if i consider it.

i think the purity ring would be a good idea. it would mean the world to me if my mom considered buying me one. just so i know she cares enough to help me make the right decisions.

just know, that you should have faith in your daughter. talk to her about the consquences of sex and how yeah, sure, it's a big deal in the media, but it really is a sign of commitment between two people. it is NOT something to take lightly, which i feel teens my age see too much of in the public persona. maybe if she actually talks to you about it, like i talk about it with my mom, you should try telling her the same thing my mom told me : most woman don't even really find sex really pleasurable until their LATE teens, twenties, and in some cases, even thirties.

please know, that i do not have kids, and prolly won't for a while. i am in no way trying to tell you how i think you should work with your daughter, cuz thats just not my place, you know? i'm just saying how my mom talked to me, and how i've turned out. god bless.

im 14 and i can say that im not a virgin. i lost mine when i was bout 13. it really just depends on the type of guy yur daughter is with.
to give u some advice make sure u can always talk to her. discuss evrything. me and my parents rnt that close and i nevr really had the "talk". which is weird becuz my parents just found out that im not over the summer. and they always have some1 they trust(like a cousin or a really good friend) watch me and to make sure i dont du nething stupid.
also talk to her friends and c wut is going on @ school. that will probably help u talk to her bout sex and stuff like that.

if you're talkin to me, i do not regret it a single bit. it has brought me and her together more. we both would still be as happy if the sex never had or does happen.
im not only older mentally but physically aswell so that has a part to play wid it.
us splitting up, after everything she has said to me nand the way i feel bout her i dont think we will be breaking up anytime soon. she is the older person n we wud both get done. her mum knows about her nature but her dad doesnt. neither of mine know.

u seem very smart. thanks for what you said and i hav took it on board

the gift of hindsight is a wonderful thing. i know you may feel ready and im not saying youre not but i guenuinely felt ready then after the event i descovered actually i wasnt and im 16. i think when people try saying youre not ready, they dont do it to belittle you, just to pass on their wisdom as i am now. there are a lot of strings attached, more than most 14 year olds know or understand but if you consider yourself a few years older mentally that you actually are then good for you but do bear in mind what people say. they wouldnt say it unless there was a real cause for it. plus if you two split up in a bad way she could report you for having sex with a minor and they wont hesitate to press serious charges and even if you didnt and her parens found out, they might report you. just something to bear in mind. watch your step. just out of interest, does this girls parents know shes sexually active?

firstly i turn 15 in a month, ive been goin out with my gf for a month on monday n we had sex for the 1st time a few days ago. it was my first time but she is experienced. i dont regret it for a minute. im english so the concent age is 16. i learnt about sex from the t.v and ive never had "the talk" with either of my parents and im glad. it doesnt always help the situation. i was ready to have sex when i was about 8/9 but i wasnt outgoin so it neva happened.

i dont know how old your daughter is now but lets say she is 13. when i was that age i knew tonnes about sex and had been wanting to do it for ages. YOU said that she isnt ready, and within the past week ive been told that im not ready either. but there is nothing that pisses me off more then people saying that someone else isnt ready. only 1 person knows if they are ready and that is the person themself. i dunno if your daughter is like me but if someone said dont do that it will hurt or whatever, the 1st chance i got id do it. the more you say dont do it, its not a good thing, that makes us do it even more just to see wether your telling the truth whatever the subject. if SHE feels she is ready and that SHE thinks its the right person then you should let her do it, just make sure she takes all the percautions.

thats just my opinion

im a teen and have just started havin sex (im a 15 yr old boy), and to be honest i think it depends entirely on your daughter as fars as i no 13's quite young anyway. but for me my mum and dad could of said wotever they wanted but id still of done it, its a very personal decision and is completely upto her, just trust your daughter provide as much infromation as you want (becoz its stil important she knows abotu safe sex etc.) but she will still hav sex if she wants too

Yes, this is an old thread, but still one that is relevant to all teenagers!

My parents were not the type to give any sex talks.  My mother would not even say the word "tampon."  She would just ask if we needed anything for the bathroom.  Well, I met a boy when I was 13.  We had our first kiss when I was 14 and finally worked our way up to sexual intercourse right before I was 16.  That was (GASP!) 20 years ago!  (Damn, it feels like just yesterday!!!)

I REGRET HAVING SEX AT SUCH AN EARLY AGE!

Emotionally, teens are not ready for everything that comes along with sex.  Unfortunately, not only did I feel that I couldn't say no to boys, I even became somewhat of an aggressor towards them sexually.  Looking back, there are many things that I regret doing.  Many partners that I had that I wish I hadn't.  Do I wish I had saved myself for marriage?  No, I can't say that.  I just wish that I had been more selective about who I slept with.  I can only hope that one, God willing, I'm a parent, I will be able to talk to my child and explain to them how important it is to wait until they are old enough to make the right decision.  You may think having sex with your partner of two months is "right" because you "love" them, but think about how often you change friends or hairstyles or fashion...  Your tastes are constantly changing.  Why not wait until you're a little older or at least until you've been dating this person for a year or more?  It can't hurt!  Anyway, that's just my 2 cents worth!  Good luck to you all and please have SAFE SEX!

Tessie, why not introduce her to this site? Have her read about the consequences of sex and all of that.

I am a 13 year old girl and I am a virgin mostly because i don't date. The reason i don't date is because I have been going on this site since I was 11 yrs old and I know what the consequences are. I am a very sexual person and you would think that I would lose my virginity very fast if you knew that side of me.

My parents NEVER censored me from sex in movies or TV or any other things of that nature. This is a VERY good thing (for me at least).

Have her educate herself about sex and its consequences. That is the best way because she doesn't hear about sex from her mom, she gets to learn about it and contemplate it by herself.

What you shouldn't do is shelter her. A lot of the responses on here have said that and it is completely true.

-Mariah

Whoops doubled.

I haven't read all of the thread either so sorry if its repeated.

1. Im 18 and still a virgin, my current GF was like most teenagers had sex at an early age (15 I think) because of pressure from her BF. He turned out to be a total loser and became a cocain addict and she dumped him. I know she wishes she was a virgin with me, but hell shit happens. That was a mistake of hers. Since then she hasn't had sex with any other BF's.

2. I dont think you can protect ure girl from society. Your best choice is to educate her. Let her know about dangers and risks and that there is no rush. Ive been a pretty quiet kid since I was 17, and this last year and a bit Ive started to live it up a bit with weed and alcohol and hanging out and being social. I use to not be this way, anyways my parents are fine with what I do because they trust me and I trust them and we both respect each others space. I let them know where Im at. And they let me do the things I do because they know kids do that.

Best thing you can do is try to be open with your daughter, educate her, and be understanding. Kids will be kids, you can try to steer them clear of making stupid mistakes, but in the end they will have a few before they learn.

[QUOTE=Quote (demonbuttercup @ Sep. 12 2004,09:47)]I agree "scare tactics" aren't healthy.
You would probably warp a kid for life.[/QUOTE]
Um......yeah, scaring is bad. Trust me I know.

Tessie, Im 17 and a guy. Ill tell you a couple of things. First of all i consider myself a good guy. im not the one to "get laid fast". So I guess Im telling you that Im not like most teens.

My mother was a very open and very blunt person. She would never "censor" me as a kid. TV, movies, ect. So I was exposed to sex at a very young age. This may have been bad but the way I turned out I guess it wasnt.

These are some things I've learned. Take it or leave it, Im just trying to help. Even tho Im only 17......

-Sheltering your child will prove dangerous and is not a wise choice. Ive seen to many girls go CRAZY when they get out because their home life is to sheltered. The problem with this is that they dont know where the limits are.

- Most kids dont give a second thought about purity ring or anything else like that. Sorry but its the hard truth.

-Weither you like it or not your child will find a way around you. Its a part of life. Im sure you did it too. Saying your going to the movies with the girls and meeting a guy. something like that. Kids spend all day in school do you really think we are listening to everything the teacher say? NO! we plan stuff

-Tell your kid about the results of stupid mistakes. Tell her to use protection, Tell her that she is a girl and is worth more then anything else in the world. And she needs a guy that will treat her like so. (I tell my girlfriend that she is the most beatiful thig I have ever seen. Why? because she is. I love her. I would die for her in a heart beat)

- I know you will worry. But please don't. Its not healthy. What did your mom do? did it work? A teens mind is the HARDEST thing to persuade. Think about when you were her age. What would have liked? How would you have likde your mom to come to you?

I hoped this helped. Have a great day. AND please tell us if you made any progress.

what's kept me a virgin for so long is:

a) lack of opportunity - i dont have an open house. someone is always at home. i wasnt allowed to have boys over until i was 15, and thats when my mom was at home. usually, i rarely have people over my house.

b) birth control - i was always told that when i was sixteen, i would be put on birth control if i wanted to. so this year, when i am 15, i've been really hesitant (yet extremely tempted) to have sex. because i'm just a year a way and then i can have sex and not hide things from my mother.

but teenagers always find a way. you should also teach your child that her first time should be SPECIAL. not nessecarily (sp?) her wedding night, but definitely not in an alley or the backseat of a car. you seem pretty loving, so i guess you could convey the message of having a romantic setting for losing your virginity to your daughter.

My parents were pretty open with my sister and I about everything BUT sex. In my family, we work on a don't ask, don't tell basis.

My sister being 7 years older than I helped guide me a bit with sex. LOL, I still remember going condom shopping with her and she would tell me the differences between the brands and styles.

I know when I was a teenager lots of kids were sexually active, myself being one of them. But at that time teen pregnancy wasn't a big problem as it is today. I think I was in my senior year when it became prevalent. After that, it seemed that it was a trend to have a baby (hell, it still is).

You can't stop her from having sex short of locking her up and slapping a chastity belt on her. But talking to her and maybe sitting her down in front of the TV for some daytime talk shows could help change her mind. Yes, Maurie Povich and Ricki Lake CAN be good for something (shudder to think). I am sure there are some community groups out in your area that have talks about teenage pregnancy that could help dissuade her also.

Instilling too many rules and ultimatums can turn her rebellious. I've seen it happen to the best of them. So you are best to take a subtle approach, no demands. For kicks, take her down to the local welfare center or planned parenthood just to sit in the car and see what walks in and out of there. Most of which are teenagers who have gotten pregnant and have no way of supporting themselves and had to leave school along with the experience of growing up and their dreams put on hold indefinately or just gone.

I have a 12 1/2 yr old daughter too. Boys have been slobbering on my doorstep for the last year and a half. I watch shows like Degrassi with her and it seems to prompt her to bring up issues to me as opposed to me bringing it up with her. She seems more comfortable when she brings it up and it's "about other people or shows". This way she can voice her opinion or ask certain questions without being defensive.

well mom...i think that your daughter will be more than appreciative if you talk to her. slow down on the purity ring. talk to her and ash her what her views of sex are. maybe tell her about stds and aids and how waiting for the right guy is important but exploring your sexuality is important too. b\i'm not saying let her have sex but she might have some questions on the topic so instead of being a mom to your daughter be her friend that is what she really needs at this age. trust me my mom is my best friend and i can talk to her about anything and we don't argue as much as when i was your daughters age. so try to start early to be her friend...email me back and tell me how it went.

Hi,
Well, i think after so much being said on this, there is'nt much to be said. This topic is really important and i m happy to see that people in the west care about it, at least for their children. Think of a 13 year old girl, who by all means is just a growing kid, having a baby growing in her body.. sounds really horrible from a medical point of view. Adolescnce is very importanr period in the growth of a human and one needs a lot of nutrition for himself to support her own growth. And if there is a baby inside, both would be seriously deprived. And a step ahead.. think of a 13 year old bringing up a child.. what that new baby will be.. everything seems disastrous.

Well, i have in my mind that having sex is'nt equal to having a baby but this happens very frequently as teenagers are pretty careless. Moreover, they lack education about it and sometime even believe that they cant become pregnant at all. Thats why preganany in teenage is such a issue.

And, to talk a bit about the pshychie of children, age 14-17 is most dangerous. This is the time when kids start preferring their peers over their family. Ths is the age when rebellious attitude is most commonly seen and this is the age where most of the conflicts between parents and their kids start. So its really hard to control kids in this age. Its only the morality and conscience that can keep them on track in this age and save from regretting for rest of their life. Development of these characters starts very early, perhaps on the day when the baby first opens his/her eyes. Recommended approach in this age is never to restrict the children, rather letting them know clearly what is wrong and what's right.

Showing the dark side of picture to the children doesnot have a long lasting effect. Rather positive points of not doing something can work better.

Boys are even more careless in this age and in my opinion, usually its a boy who forces a girl to loose her virginity. So knowing the company of ur daughter is really important. And if u feel any uncomfortable signs about any of them, do let ur daughter about ur feelings in a soft n gentle way.

And one thing that was said in one of the earlier post, i would like to repeat that you cant stop her, its gonna be she herself who is gonna decide, so just help her understand the matter and leave her to decide.

And also, dont get too worried about it, it can be counter productive.

CHeers

Tessie I've missed you since I have been gone, but have no fear I am back.

Amazing how as a mom I keep looking for that damn instruction book.  Haven't found it but I will keep looking.  This topic brought to the front of my mind a comment my ex made to me when our son (only child too) was born.  He said (as my son lay dying on a respriator) "A boy is good.  I mean boys don't get pregnant" and laughed.  Now I know some have heard others say this, but when it's durring a time when you are facing a possible death of your child, it can make you bitter.  My amazing son is only 4, so I can't pretend to know what to say and do to make him not want to have sex, or to better word it, wait for sex until he is more mature.

When I heard you ask your question, being the smart ass I am, the first comment that came to mind was "geez, if we mom's of son's keep our boys in line you should be fine".  I do know in life both the male and femal sexes desire that attention, that love and emotion.

You know your daughter.  We have mommy sonar.  You're a very smart woman and you know nothing you say and do will prevent her from the hurt of growing up.  I do hear your fear of not wanting your baby to hurt.  Know in your heart you have raised a good person.  ASK QUESTIONS.  Never be scared to hurt her by prying about WHO, WHERE, WHEN and a number to call.  Set guide lines and openly talk.  Don't be all sugar coated, as I am sure you know the joys of kids using parents too.

I guess that is all I can suggest, ASK QUESTIONS, the more the better and some times follow up on who what and where they are.  Know their friends and male friends.  Trust her enough but keep close eye.  You know your baby, be ready for if and when she does need you to kiss away the tears of pain from life.

And remember it's not always the reasoning of the girls wanting sex, as it is the boys pressing it. I keep telling my self that my son will be respectful to women in all areas. It's all about doing the best with your kid, but it's the other person's kid I worry about.

Hi im a 15yr old girl. Because i live in England the age of consent is 16. I recently lost my virginity to my b/f about 2 months ago. We are in a strong,loving relationship and it felt completly right.

Anyway. Your daughter is only 12 1/2 (probably older now). I doubt she is even thinking about sex, but i think its good that you are thinking about what happens when she does start wondering. My mum has always been very open with me about her experiances, which has helped me ALOT over the years. Yet although she is probably more open and willing to talk than most parents, i still have not told her.

I just wanted to make sure you are not smothering your daughter. I know that you are only looking out for her and her wellbeing, but if you DO keep un-nesceraliy(sp) reinforcing the rules, as she gets older she will rebel against them, just to annoy you. Scaring her will not work either. It will simply make her think you dont trust her.

I think the best thing to do s right her a letter saying that you want her to feel able to talk to her about anything, and you wont get mad. Maybe writing a letter about your own experiances will make her feel closer to you, when shes a little older.

Sorry if any of this sounded harsh!

Erm i think this thread is a ressurection, look at the dates lol,
oh well just thought i should point it out.

the only thing that i can suggest is not to keep her away from the normal things that she does. most girls that are even somewhat educated on the topic of pregnancy want to wait for a while, just because they are scared. just let your aughter know that when she is ready that she shoudl come and talk to you. when she does do this, be open about it. talk to her about using protection and all of the precautions that she used and should use. definetely dont yell at her for the things that she decides to do. this will make her close up about the topic and she will neve speak of the topic again in your presence.

I dont think there is much you can do... I was 16 and my decision had absolutly nothing to do with my parents, I had been with my boy for 3 months and it just sorted of happened, I didnt regret it I just felt that it was the next step of our relationship. My sister was 14... she spoke to me about it before but as far as she was concerned "it's just sex" and after talking to my lil bro who is currently 16 that seems to be the attitude, Im only twenty and although now i see it as something special, It wasn't that big a deal when I first started doing it... it is only in the last year or so Ive started placing any value on it.

maybe you could tell her and abbreviated version of your past and how it made you feel, but it really depends on her whether or not she'l do it

hmm
i'm not sure there is anything you can do.
i'm a 17 year old male teen, still a virgin and quite happy that way for the time being, my sis however she's 15 and not a virgin, go figure lol
ermm i'm not sure what help this will be, but i found a site called body teen.
have a look and see what you think its for teenagers and i think it does have some useful things on it. if its any good then you could introduce her to it, if it isnt then dont lol.
www.bodyteen.com
hope this is in some way useful.
but please try not to worry, remember that no matter what YOU ARE THE BEST MUM YOU EVER COULD BE
if anything does happen, its not because of you remember that. I think that its best to try and find a ballance between pressuring her, and giving her freedom of choice, that means alot to teenagers especially younger ones i think.
again i hope it helps.

My dad was never really much of a help, as he was pushing for a se life for me, but my mom was more of the one talking to me about the risks and all. The best advice I can give to you is tell your daughter how many diseases there are, and that she can get them through any type of sex, even oral. Then answer any questions she has about it, no matter how mature the quesiton may seem. By her pills and comdoms and tell her she shouldn't need them, but just to be safe.

Well... I'm 17 and still a virgin. My mom never had any serious talks with me, on the whole she just told me that when I was ready she would take me to the doctor.
I know that my dad wasn't the only guy she ever slept with (BY FAR) - but she tried to integrate certain values in every life-lesson converstation (example - when talking about pot, alcohol, partying, etc.)
She was also never critical of anyone - when my friends got pregnant at 16 she certaintly wasn't proud, but at the same time she just told me, "Jordan, it can happen to anyone, but you need to be prepared to make a decision if it does".

She made it clear that while she didn't expect me to die a virgin, she did expect me to be responsible.
I guess I haven't been real conclusive here, but I know one of the things that stopped me were her high hopes for me - her only child. Hope that made sense. :-)

THE BEST THING TO DO IS NOT TO STOP HER FROM WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO CAUSE THE MORE U STOP THE FASTER IT GETS DONE. I MEAN JUST MAKE SURE YOU KNOW HER BOYFRIENDS OR JUST BE SURE OF EVERYTHING SHE DOES BUT NOT ALSO TO CHAIN HER DOWN.. PLAY IT SMART MOM ITS THE BEST WAY TO DO IT

ok..at her age she isnt pre occupied with sex, im 15 years old and well...jsut let her b when she growes up!!! shell know if shes ready or not...dont over shelter her...me personaly.......i dont feel im ready...so dont put the thoughts in to her head!! let ehr grow up and experiance it herself

Oka... 12 1/2 I wasnt even thinkin about sex.. you know my thought about gettin action was making out... but if she is thinkin about it... tell her the consequences.. show her a video of someone giving birth, so she can see how bad it hurts and how she would change emotionally physically if he one night of fun turns into one that she would regret... I mean me and my boyfriend had the pregnant scare... I mean I was pregnant and some really things came up and I had a still borne.. but we still love each other and I'll be with him no matter what... just the fact that my mother never talked to me about sex, didnt help me any... if I woulda knewn how bad all that stuff hurt... I woulda thought twice...
Just be a cool mom... remember back when you were a teenager... dont get angry too fast... just talk hear her side of the story, than tell her what you think... and try to understand... it works promise... me and my mom are like that now...

I agree "scare tactics" aren't healthy.
You would probably warp a kid for life.

make her see abortion pictures.. or a porn movie that is quite revealing ( cum on face ect) that would prolly scare a 13-14 year old girl not to have sex

i am 15 and was 14 when i lost my viginity . i regret it bcause the girl i had sex with doesn t even talk to me anymore and i should have waited for the right person

just try telling her the consequences but don t bar her from going out wit friends just keep a open relationship wit her and if she wants to tell u something and she is afraid u ll get mad just listen even if u do get mad don t yell at her just tell her ur disappointed that always hurt me more than anything

Please don't be TOO strict.  My parents were the most overbearing, strict, paranoid people I ever knew.  Anyone that knows how Persian men are will understand me on this and for some reason my dad influenced my mom to be that way too.  I wasn't allowed to do anything!! and I was an angel of a kid.  I was not allowed to go to guy's houses even when his parents were home and even if that guy was a friend I had known since elementary school.  I had a friend who was OPENLY GAY and they still didn't trust me to be alone with him.  I could not have guys over at my house.  They said it's morally wrong of me to want to hold a guy's hand on the first date.  When I got my first B ever in A.P. Biology I lost ALL of the priveledges that I did have like watching TV and talking on the phone.  I don't think that it's right to insist on having the doors open in your house.  My parents did that and I felt that they were wrong for not trusting me.  If your daughter has always been honest with you then I think it's wrong to be suspicious of her and not give her your trust.  Also, I don't think parents should have to meet the guys their daughters date.  I wanted my parents to trust MY JUDGEMENT.   Now, if your daughter is NOT the responsible type, then by all means continue to take the precautions that you are taking but it irks the hell out of me when responsible kids are constantly watched and wild kids get to go out and do whatever they want.  

I always was truthful with my parents even when I knew that telling them the truth about where I was going meant I usually wouldn't be allowed to go.  I was responsible and got good grades too.  Despite all of this, they would always accuse me of lying to them and be suspicious of me.  

They never allowed me to date even though I was in no way one of the "fast" girls.  I had it in my mind for the longest time that I would wait until I was married or engaged to have sex.  Eventually when I turned 18, I couldn't take it any more and felt like I had to defy them and get out of the CAGE that they had kept me living in.  I was truely UNHAPPY as a child because of the way that they were.  The day after my 18th birthday I just got so fed up that I had sex with a guy that I was talking to but that did not care about me at all.  I felt that I had to do something to spite them because all of my good behavior never got me anywhere.  If they had only just trusted me and my judgement then I would not have done that but because being honest did not garner me any favor with them I felt that since they expected so much for me to be bad that I should just be bad. I truely feel that if they had been reasonable about letting me date when I proved that I was responsible (age 16 or 17 is a fair age to allow a very mature teen to begin dating) that I would not have rebelled against them.  I'm almost sure that I would have remained a virgin for several years after that.  

My point is that parents can push their kids to do things that they wouldn't otherwise too if they are too harsh with a good kid so please do not go overboard with your daughter like my parents did.  I think it's best to talk with your daughter about how sex should be with someone that you are in a serious relationship with, someone that you trust 100%, and someone that loves you and sincerely has plans to marry you one day.  If you tell her that she HAS to wait until marriage or she is a bad person that will not work.  My parents did that with me but it just made me want to have sex more.

You have every right to want to keep her from having sex, but you may want to go about it a different way. Instead of directly saying no and forcing all your ideas and values onto her give her all the information you can, and try to help her find her own views because if she decides on her own not to that will be much more powerful than forcing your wants and views on her because eventually (probably b4 18) she will become aware of her own wants and values and they may not be the ones you want her to have, and if you forced something on her that chance is even higher.

Just getting to know your daughter's B/f can only do so much. My g/f is 17, and im 15, 2 months from 16. We lost our virginity a couple months ago. Our families are on the extremes... her parents don't let her out past 9, whether she's at a friends house, or seeing a movie, she has to be picked up by 9. While my parents just tell me to check in by 10:30, and if im riding my bike home to be home by 11 so my mom see's me come home before she goes to bed. Her door doesnt even stay closed, and neither does mine cuz my house is old, but my parents let me hold it closed with various objects and never enter my room. We still lost our virginity together, so the extremes don't work, can't be strict or too lax.

The other thing is you will never be able to truly know her b/f's. Personally, im in 3 AP courses, with a 97 GPA, took the SAT's as a soph. and got a 1490... im an eagle scout and the third best kid on the track team (The best next year whith the seniors graduating, and track is the biggest sport in my school.)  My g/f is much the same; athletic, smart, and healthy. Yet we still had sex with each other because we wanted to be closer. I honestly can't think of anyway you can keep her a virgin, going to a aids place might work, but personally i have faith in science (in this example, i trust condoms.) and don't think it will happen since we are both clean.  I also don't see anything wrong with people 15 and up from having sex. I knew back when i was 10 that protection had to be worn (10, i was in 5th grade and we had a health video shown about sex ed) but i also knew i wasn't ready emotionally.

I guess im just trying to say that no matter how hard you try, you can't stop her if she really loves her boyfriend and knows the statistics. I think condoms have a 98% chance of working? For most people that would high enough. But then again if she truly loves her boyfriend, and him with her, isn't that what you want?

tessie
i was just wondering if you were ever thinking about telling her how you lost your virginity.
i know yours wasn't an experience you really want to remember but i think some young girls think that it won't happen to them but you are living proof it can.

The worst thing to do is tell her rapidly to not have sex over and over and seem distant about it. Be open with her and talk to her and see what's going on in her life. Tell her about peer pressure and how guys really are but not enough to scare her. Tell her about std's and aids and u seem like a cool mom so i think you have done that already. The thing my mom did to me is keep confidence in myself. Give ur girl some confidence tell her she is beautiful and strong and let her know that she is worth more then one night stands and a guy who is a loser. Trust me if she is 12 and u r worried about her having sex don worry all the times i heard of kids having sex at 12 is peer pressure or they were drunk. I think you have a strong head about this and ultimatly get her to know things about sex and pregnancy tell her she is worth a lot to a guy especially with a guy taking away her virignity let her know she is worth a lot and should expect a guy to be everything to her for her to give herself away. But at the end of it all whether or not what ur daughter does, since i do not know her i don't know what she could either not or get herself into, in the end it is her decision what she does with her body. Just be positive she will make the right choices and keep telling her that she is an amazing girl who deserves and amazing guy and love to take something very intimiate from her

Tessie
I am a 16 year old girl. I lost my virginity when I was 15. The guy I lost my virginity to was 14 and it wasn't just a one night thing. We were together 9 months and we are still together going on 2 years. Make sure your daughter talks with the guy she plans on losing her virginity to about the what ifs- what if I get pregnant, what if what if what if. Another thing don't keep her from going out places if there is going to be a guy involved just because he would be there. My boyfriends parents kept him from me after we had been caught talking about having sex. It just made him rebel more and sneak ways to find me. If you are open with your daughter enough to wear she could be able to tell you mom Im ready to have sex can you put me on birth control or what not-- dont shoot her down or diss her for being responsible enough to come to you. I have an open relationship with my mom but I still can't go to her about having sex. Just keep reminding her when she gets frustrated about hearing a kid scream in a restaurant or sees a parent fighting with their little one -- think about that before you decide to have sex-- well I hope some of this helps

okay so Im not going to say my age but Im under 14,the way I see it is(when I am) no matter how much Im in love iwth my b/f Im waiting until Im 16 or older. I just have to say though the more you push her to not do it, it comes natural to us( and mabey her) to do it, just because you said not to.

The best edvice I can give you is talk to her about if she is ready what precauctions is she going to take. If she does become serouse in a relationship(later on) you might want to talk to her about birth conrtol.

Ok tessie, lets start with telling you that im 16, but lost my virginity at the age of 13, but the way in which it went about happening was one that I regret, one of those dealing with pot and alchohol, and a life long freind, who of which we dont talk anymore...

All I can say is not to act like you forbay her from it, that if she dose it you wont love her, this may just result in her useing it to be rebelious.

I dont mean to sound rough or anything, but most teens will have sex at least once in late jr. high to high school, and this is somthing you need to accept, times HAVE changed, and the world is much more sexually liberal than the world of even 20 years ago, the internet and television gives teens the avalibility of all sorts of sexual material that you all honestly were sheilded from.

What I would focus on would be to make sure that she waits for somone who wont just use, and abuse her, and for god sakes make sure if she is going to(which honestly you dont have much control over) make sure she usess protection I cant tell you how many of my freinds lives have been shot out of the clouds by a teen pregnacy, whether they got it aborted or adopted...

With me in your position, I would approach this carefully, if your too foward, she might build a wall, and if your too vauge, she wont get the picture. I would tell her that you dont approve of sexual relations at her age, but you know nothing you say or do would be able to stop her. BUT tell her if she dose it to make sure, to double and tripple check, that this guys is truley in it for her, or his dick, because a lot of guys are. Not to say all, given honnestly im not, but that may do with some misstakes iv made, and also address the issue of protection, dont leave it up to sex ed. in school.

This is just what me, as a teen would think she needs to hear, if you tell her that sex is the devil or try to scare her with sex storys, she might just lock you out, or be to scared to have sexual relations into adulthood...

[QUOTE=Quote (Tessie @ June 20 2004,20:08)]I have always thought an aids hospice would be a good place to take her. Not just to see the danger of what sex can do to the body and ones life but to also to teach her empathy for her fellow man. Something that is lacking in our society in my opinion.[/QUOTE]
Okay... WOW! Tessie.  I was afraid that suggestion might be too.... something.  I guess I still expect a lot of people to be living in the times when they wore protective clothing and didn't want to touch anyone with AIDS- even medical people.  I am PROUD that you are so openminded.

If you can impart that sense of empathy and conscience to your daughter ( and from reading your posts I don't doubt that you have) I would think her feelings of self-worth and her self-esteem must be pretty high.  THAT is what will help her when it comes to making decisions about sex.  I know as a parent you will continue to worry...lol... but I think she's going to do just fine.

Me and my girlfriend lost our virginity to each other, me being 17 nearly 18, her 18 and a half or so.

For me, I can only say that i wanted it to mean something (Yes I realise how odd that sounds coming from a male teenager in modern times). I can only think this was by seeing what others my age are/were like. I know girls who were in my primary school class who have two kids by my age, some by two different fathers.

My current partner is only my second girlfriend, and I her first boyfriend. For us things just steadily progressed. we beleive ourselves to be very much in love and have done for some time.

I have very open parents with regards to sex (both have been seperated since i was around two which is a likely contributing factor) While my girlfriend's parents are some mix of protective and naive, I still have no idea which of the two is greater.

I think your fears shouldn't be so much about her having sex, but as to how she does, and who she does it with.
I both fully agree with and respect your view that you don't want her sleeping with someone who merely wants her for sex and nothing more. But if she does get seriously involved with someone who cares for her, and she cares for hersself, would you not consider that to be a much better things than either her succumbing to the wills of a random sex orientated boy, or alternatively being very pent up, secretive, or perhaps fearful of sex?

At the risk of being told I don't know what I'm talking about, I thought of another suggestion.

You said you would like to drive home to her that these things can happen to anyone.  You might consider volunteering at a shelter for pregnant teens and take her along.  You would be doing something to help people and she might see that this happens to ALL kinds of people.  

I would also suggest taking her to an AIDS hospice, but that is really a lot for a young person to take in.  It's a lot for an adult to take in.  You would have to make sure you were strong enough to deal with what you see there.

These would provide firsthand experience of what can happen.  These are just suggestions.  I'm not saying anyone has to do anything.

i dont think you should stop her going out on dates until she is any age. this may make her go against your will anyway. i am 17 and my mum never stopped me going out or doing any thing, even though she knew most of the people i went out with were having sex. i didnt have sex until recently with my boyfriend who means alot to me, and i made this decision on my own.
im not saying let her go out and do what she likes, i just dont think that stopping her doing things is going to do any good at all. i cant really give any other advise tho, cuz everyone is different, and alot of teenages dont listen to the risks anyway.
my mum did talk to me about sex tho and the consequecses, which i guess did put me off doin it. not so much geting pregnant tho more the diseases that u can get. that scared me. so maybe tell bout that...aids scared me...

[QUOTE=Quote (Jesus_has_a_cat @ June 16 2004,06:20)]It can be hard to keep her a virgin if you want her to be one.[/QUOTE]
I like what Jesus has a cat said.

I think you need to find a way for her to want to be a virgin, not just what you want.

Hi tessie, it is intersting to be able to write this to you, i am a 16 year old hormone filled boy. Read on if you want to here my views, i think however you try to tackle this problem you will always have the problem that only very little of what you say will be taken note of. So dont try to pump her full of information, if i was in you position this is what i would do:

Dont Try to talk to her face to face, it may make you feel more comfortable about the situation but it just scares your kid havng a grown up talking about sex to you.

Let her know about the dangers, flyer left in her room when she isnt there abut STD's and pregnecy works well. You give her information and she doesnt have to talk 2 you.

In my experience i found the one thing that really got me to hold back was fear, not really a good point but it worked. One of my friends knows a 16 year old girl who is pregnant, that put me off for a while!

It can be hard to keep her a virgin if you want her to be one. I think it is important not to try and put her off too much as it will only make her rush into it unprepared and in less than desirable circomstances.