I've been going out with my girlfriend for about 6 months, and I love her very much. We're both very young, and she is a "virgin." She says she's never had sex, and I trust her, but she's never had a hymen (or maybe she does and I just don't know what it looks like because she is only the 2nd person I've been with- and the first wasn't a virgin anyways...). I've never really brought it up with her why she doesn't have one, but I'm the first guy she's ever had sex with (not intercourse, though...) but for some reason, she is afraid for us to have intercourse.
I've slid into her before, even though it was only for a split-second on a couple of different occasions. She's afraid of something, but won't explain to me what it is. She'll tease me and give me oral sex, and almost give in, but she always ends up rejecting me, no matter how much I try to please/woe her. She loves me, and says she wants to do it with me for the first time. I don't understand it.
Anyone have any ideas on why she wouldn't want to engage in intercourse? Maybe I should just ask her if she thinks she's still a virgin. I'm not trying to be an ass as if this is all I care about- but I'm a guy, it's really disappointing to go so far and come back empty-handed...
[QUOTE=Quote (ReggaeMan @ Nov. 02 2004,19:11)]I've slid into her before, even though it was only for a split-second on a couple of different occasions.[/QUOTE]
I still don't get the fascination w/ this?!? Either have sex or don't, done of this half-ass stuff.
I wouldn't consider her still a virgin since you've penetrated her several times, even if it was just a split second. If she had never had sex before, you took her virginity already, (technically speaking).
Besides, hymens are no longer an indicator if a girl is a virgin.
I don't ever remember having one, lol.
Ive used tampons for years, and fingered myself and been fingered by guys. Sports and strenuous exercise can wear away hymens, so that shouldn't even be an issue.
Maybe she's scared of getting pregnant, so she never lets you go more than a second. Maybe in her mind, she still is a virgin. Maybe she is trying to convince herself that if it doesn't last long or you don't cum then she's still "pure".
If she's not comfortable yet to totally give herself to you, thats her choice. She doesn't necessarily HAVE to have a reason, maybe its just a gut feeling she has. Maybe she thinks she's ready, but when "go time" comes, she gets scared. That doesn't mean she's teasing and torturing you on purpose. Maybe when she does it, she has all intentions of going "all the way" but just can't make it over the edge.
I agree with buttercup
I really don’t think you should dwell on the Hyman issue any longer, it really is no proof, but for some reason it seems to be an issue to you.
Also demon is spot in on all the other points too. Are you having protected sex, and have got contraception sorted out? As well as pregnancy she could be worried abut STDs as you are not a virgin, it is always sensible to get an STD check before being with a new partner.
Stop thinking of it as you being the victim of teasing, teasing is deliberate and cruel and I don’t think this is what is happening. She is probably very scared and probably feels very guilty that she can’t give you something that you obviously want.
A question for you, when you have slid inside her in the past has it been an “accident” or done without saying anything, or has it been a case of “do you want to try and have sex?”
I'm afraid that "accidents" are out of order, crass at best.
Do you think lube would help, it makes everything more comfortable, remember first time sex can be painful for some women, though we really don’t like to admit it at the time as what a mood killer that would be.
Do you know if her or her family have any strong religious beliefs?
You say you "love her very much" but do you love her? Maybe she feels that she cannot have sex with someone who doesn't love her.
Perhaps you should take the focus off penetrative sex, I personally don’t see other sex acts, (oral or mutual masturbation) as inferior anyway, they are still a shared way of sexually expressing yourselves and still making you feel good.
This is a shared problem and like I said before, not just something that you are victim of. You need to discuss the issue with understanding and acknowledge any fears that she has, no matter how silly they seem to you, the fears are real to her so don’t just brush them aside. You also need to make sure you discuss the issue without pointing the finger or looking like you are blaming her.