OK, let me start of by saying that I love sex with my husband. It has only gotten better through the 5 years that we have been together. We have had 2 kids, a hand full of different jobs and places that we have lived, strains on our relationship, weight gained, fights had, and basically a lot of changes since we have been together. We are very much in love and enjoy spending all of our extra time with each other and our kids.
We are a pretty normal family life now w/my husband working full time and I stay home with the kids. We are tired but seem to make time for spontaneous, hot sex. We still mix it up and have sex in different places in the house (kitchen chairs, shower, couch, etc.) And also in the car when we go for dates w/o kids. ;)
I have read all of the recommended reads on this site & I still would like some individualized advice if possible.
I am not sure if it is from reading all of these hot Scotland Highlander Romance novels that I have started to fantasize more often then usual. I have been wanting to be "taken", I want to feel like my husband needs me right there and then, and if he doesn't have me he will die. I want to be pushed against a wall and "ravished" for lack of a better word.
I have told my husband about these ideas that float around in my head, I have also hinted at different positions I would like to try where I have no control and he can take me how ever he wants. I told him this about 2 months ago, and nothing. We have had good sex, sometimes great, mind blowing sex, but nothing like what I have been imagining.
Should I bring it up again? I don't want it to seem like I am pushing and then it won't be spontaneous...
Yeah I hear you. I want the same thing with my fiance. You can try sharing your feelings and thoughts about this with him. You might have to suggest these a few times before he gets the ideas. I know with my man, I had to suggest it about 4 times untill he got it lol. Just like EvilEvil Kitten said. Write your fantasizes down. I would put them in a bowl or something and take turns doing it to one another. Don't tell the other person what the ideas is to keep things interesting.
Get a copy of The Joy of Sex (it is back in print) and read it together a bit at a time. There are enough ideas to last a couple a lifetime, and, if that does not get the point across, nothing will.
Have you asked him his fantasies? Perhaps you two could make a list of things you'd like to try to do together - make it a collaborative effort.
Send the kids to the movies or something and sit down at the kitchen table and see if you two can't do the giggling thing while writing up 'things we haven't tried yet' list. Keep it light and fun.
Because sometimes asking a man to ravish can be scary. Not only because of what harm he might do to you but because of what doing it and liking it might make him. Perhaps he doesn't want to 'go there'.
definitely bring it up again, just don't sound like you're complaining. and as evilevilkitten said, ask him about his fantasies. maybe his fantasies are similar to yours? and do ask him what's keeping him from ravishing you when he knows that's what you wish for.
With these type of activities, it's better to outline very close to what you're looking for. I know that my partner hasn't attempted it yet as he's never sure when I'm in the mood (I'm an odd woman with an on switch...it's totally random). I'd suggest letting him know how in some way (maybe drop a mini note?) as this way he won't worry about catching you in a down moment.
Ah! So that's what you meant!
I see that many are skipping over something VERY important. Perhaps it was overlooked.
Because sometimes asking a man to ravish can be scary. Not only because of what harm he might do to you but because of what doing it and liking it might make him. Perhaps he doesn't want to 'go there'.
You're in a partnership now - so you cannot decide such things unilaterally any more.
You expect him to respect your right to say NO to anything - and you should also respect HIS.
I talked to him a bit about it over the weekend & I have seen a little change in the past few days.
He talked about his weight & how it has really been bothering him(he used to be very fit before we got married & had kids). He says that he thinks the extra weight is really changing how he acts during sex & really wants to get in a better schedule at the gym.
Also like Rouge said, he is never sure what type of mood I am in, so that effects how he approaches the spontaneous, "throw me up against the wall & take me" scenario.
He is all for it though...lol...didn't say no even once. ;)
Thanks for all the replies and advice. :)
"he is never sure what type of mood I am in"
I'm not so sure that that is such a good thing.
Isn't that rather like living with a bomb?
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;252909]"he is never sure what type of mood I am in"
I'm not so sure that that is such a good thing.
Isn't that rather like living with a bomb?[/QUOTE]
LOL, no he isn't living with an emotional roller coaster, but some days I am not in the mood to have sex. Some days I have been running errands, grocery shopping, cleaning, the kids have been whining & on my sleeve the entire day & at the end of it I don't feel I have anything else to give.
He was saying that when he walks in the door, he doesn't jump my bones b.c he wants to be considerate of how I am & how my day may have gone. :)
My wife if kinda like you as she would like to be ravished as well so sometimes i meet her at the appt. Door totally erect and ready to go at it even before she can say a word. It really gets our heartspumping and i screw her brains out against the door, furiously and in a trance like i cant control my actions. I sweep her off her feet and ravish her.
Suggest to your man how you expect the ravish scenario to play out so he has a clearcut understanding of your expectations, it truly works. Just dont get phisically injured when you get ravished, because its gonna be fast and furious! Wow.
[QUOTE=infinite1;253233]My wife if kinda like you as she would like to be ravished as well so sometimes i meet her at the appt. Door totally erect and ready to go at it even before she can say a word. It really gets our heartspumping and i screw her brains out against the door, furiously and in a trance like i cant control my actions. I sweep her off her feet and ravish her.
Suggest to your man how you expect the ravish scenario to play out so he has a clearcut understanding of your expectations, it truly works. Just dont get phisically injured when you get ravished, because its gonna be fast and furious! Wow.[/QUOTE]
That is what I want from him, to just take me like he needs me so badly in that moment. no matter where in the house(of course we have kids so it would have to be when they r sleeping or with the grandparents. lol)
I will explain it to him, but I want him to enjoy it also, & part of me wonders if I tell him exactly what I want he won't feel like it is spontaneous & him making the move.