Couple questions for you:

This woman is your FIANCEE and you're not sure whether to trust her?!?!?!?!

What about the profession of pole dancing automatically means she can't keep it zipped?

You need to either seriously rethink the relationship, or seriously rethink your jealousy--there's no room in one for the other. Especially if you're contemplating marriage.

Hello Raine,

You wrote the following in the third person and male perspective. It is natural to think you are the man asking questions about his girlfriend. Thank you for the clarification, above.

[QUOTE=Raine;261756]Here's a question for you:
If you were a man (sorry ladies) and your fiancé, the woman of your dreams, told you she wanted to learn how to pole dance, what would you say? She loves to dance, she loves her body, and hell, she knows it pays well. Would you let her? Would you be comfortable with it? Biggest question: Would you trust her? Would you assume she's going to throw herself at every man who tips her well? Say, for the sake of argument she slings drinks at a gentleman's club, and after watching all the dancers she decides she like the idea and wants to start taking classes.
What do you do? [/QUOTE]

There are two conceptual problems with what you expressed:
1. "Would you let her?" Ultimately, the decision is not up to the man; however, having said this, a successful relationship is a partnership. The two of you should discuss the matter and if necessary negotiate something the two of you can embrace.

It takes one "no" to prevent something from happening or taking place.

It takes two "yeses" for something to happen or take place.

2. "Biggest question: Would you trust her?" Trust and jealousy go hand-in-hand. If you man is uncomfortable with anything you propose to do and after discussing the situation cannot get past his issue with trust, then the relationship as a whole is in jeopardy.

Are you asking these questions because he has indicated he does not trust you or will be jealous for one reason or another? If so, it sounds to me like you have a very immature boyfriend. Premarital counseling is certainly indicated.

Dear Raine, Allow me to rephrase:
If you were a woman and your fiancé, the man of your dreams, told you he wanted to learn how to be <...>, what would you say?

Fill in the blanks; a windowwasher, a handyman, a banker, a bartender, etc. Would you assume he's going to throw himself at every woman? I mean; windowwasher are notorious to get offered "coffee". Those handymans are known to use their "tools". Being a successful banker always comes with that hot secretary. And everyone knows bartenders do more than poring drinks. Etc, etc...

Now phrase your question with female partner and any occupation and you'll get something comparable. Cause OMG; she wants to be a secretary? a fitnessinstructor? a nurse? a doctor? a housewife? a <...>? Don't we all know what happens than!?!

You catch my drift? ;) If you or your partner wants to be suspicious or jealous, you can. If you want to cheat on your partner, you can. All this regardless of occupation. There are only a few professions in which you engage in sex, which would be prostitutes and pornstars. Poledancers are a complete different category. They're entertainers. They're acrobats. It's even considered an art and sport! Yes, there are those who professionally engage in competitions. I tell you; respect for those girls who have the stamina and bodycontrol, just like those athletes in the Olympics! And as for any other occupation, poledancers do not sleep with their customers or colleagues for their profession.

When it comes to occupation, of course you may discuss this with your partner. Like the doc, I'd advice it. But: you should remember that other than a couple, you remain an individual. And therefor; the floor is yours! :)

As DD2 indicates, you didn't say WHAT you were. Speaking in the third person to protect the innocent isn't all that necessary when you're speaking to/through a computer screen anyway. So if you're going to get offended when people assume incorrectly, you're probably better off not to leave room for assumptions. Most of the people on here are probably hundreds, and in some cases definitely thousands, of miles away from you, so how much difference does discretion REALLY make?

Consider my first reply, what I would say to a man asking the same questions you posed. The bottom line is, there's no room in a successful relationship for suspicion and jealousy. I'm with DD2 and RR--has he expressed these things to you about the job you currently hold? If he's not sure he trusts you to remain faithful to you while you do your job, the two of you have bigger problems than a dance class.

[color=green]well i could get that you were a woman from the jump...no man says "If you were a man"......and a man, straight man that is with a name like Raine sounds so gay

lol

anyway, i've been there and done that.....i dated a stripper...and at one time i use to organize private strip parties......honestly to answer the question.....it depends on the girl.....yes some of the things that you hear about strippers hooking are true....there are some females out there that prostitute on the side because they are out for the quick buck......and private parties are one of the places where the girls will make their deals.....main reason being that the crowd is normally smaller, not as many other girls for them to be competition with for money, etc......and i never once asked this girl to strip for me nor did she want to strip at my functions.....she would just come and kick it wit me and enjoy the show

well i dated this stripper for 2 years and i trusted her......i got to know her before we even dated and she was the total opposite of the girls i mentioned before......she was very intelligent, funny, shy, the whole package.....she even had another job on the side.....she told me that this is what turns her on and the thrill is what she loved about it.....very rare to hear that but that's what she was game for.....i didn't meet her in a club or nothing.....and she didn't have to tell me either because she already had seen me come into her club before (i didn't really remember because i was wasted, but i did give her a good amount of money as she told me)....i actually met her in the neighborhood i use to live in years ago and we use to hangout all the time......she invited me to her clubs she went to, introduced me as her man after weeks of going out.......it was about a month and a half till she even had sex with me

So someone like her and her attitude, yes i would have done it in a heart beat.....now i know you said pole dancer, not stripper.....but she was my pole dancer at one time......and the relationship didn't end because of stripping, it was for other reasons

So now, i'm waiting on the stripper pole i ordered for christmas for the wife.......i have a friend that's a pole dancing instructor and she said that she would give my wife a few pointers, haha[/color]

There are several caveats that I can see - she gets used to the adoration of men and finds she cannot live without it. That thrill from being the center of attention in public.

BTW the pole is there to keep the men from dragging her off the stage. She is putting herself at risk and maybe she can deal with that; maybe she can't.

In such a tawdry venue, whether or not she 'falls', she will be perceived as 'fallen' and while this may not matter now, it might after some years.

Let's talk about his buddies - "Wow, your wife is HOT!" Perhaps he can deal with his buddies drooling over his wife; after all she's 'on display'. Then there are his enemies.

How about your father-in-law? Did you imagine that the men would all be unknown or unrelated to you? Did you think all the men would be handsome or nice? Do you think the club owners are honorable business men? They might be, they might not be and you find yourself being pressured into doing what you do not want to do. (think the Sopranos)

It is one thing to walk on the wild side when it is private with one's husband. It is quite another when done in public for pay.

Some things to think about.

[color=green]^^true that......the main reason that i got out of the business of organizing private parties was because of all of the BS that came with it.....wasn't worth the stress even though the money wasn't bad at all

as for the girl i dated.....she always had guys checking her out, hitting on her and so forth because not only was she a stripper but she was very beautiful with a really nice body......i knew it was gonna happen, but i was able to look past that.....as long as i knew her feelings for me, that was all that matter......besides, alot of females knew me and were always flirty with me and it didn't bother her cause she knew my loyality

it's always going to be people testing you no matter what your situation is[/color]

True, testing occurs everywhere regardless of profession BUT in such a profession as pole-dancing there is no end to the testing!

[QUOTE=Raine;261756]Here's a question for you:
If you were a man (sorry ladies) and your fiancé, the woman of your dreams, told you she wanted to learn how to pole dance, what would you say? She loves to dance, she loves her body, and hell, she knows it pays well. Would you let her? Would you be comfortable with it? Biggest question: Would you trust her? Would you assume she's going to throw herself at every man who tips her well? Say, for the sake of argument she slings drinks at a gentleman's club, and after watching all the dancers she decides she like the idea and wants to start taking classes.
What do you do?

And note I said Pole Dancer, not a stripper. Not all Pole Dancers are strippers. Right...?[/QUOTE]

As a man, I can assure you that there is nothing more powerful than feeling like your lady is turning heads and other men in the room are lusting after her. The feeling I get from parading a beautiful woman through a club in a short dress and sky high heels is second to none. Teasing the other guys by putting my hand on her ass while they watch is fun...

I can imagine that having her pole dance or strip would be a similar "high" for me and lots of other guys. I can imagine that I would drop by the club occasionally to sit in the back and catch a glimpse of her. Watching her writhe on stage, and maybe grind on guys laps -- knowing that she was coming home to please me at the end of the night.

It takes a strong, confident man to put his lady out there like this... But the payoff for me would be worth it.

Thereby competing with the other men not to the glory of the lady but just more 'penis-waving' to glorify yourself?

Yeah, sounds REAL good.

Next step would be pimping her out.

(and yes, I asked several men about this just to make sure)

[color=green]i get what sirkyle is saying, except for the payoff.....i can't lie, i like the feeling of having my lady walk in the club/bar and men checking her out because she's pretty.....and me knowing that she's with me and she's not going anywhere regardless if a guy tries to holla at her

but alot of guys cannot handle that kind of attention.....and the idea of her dancing on a pole, haha.....i guess yall can see where i'm going with this[/color]

Once again, that's more pride in your prowess - bragging - than pride in her.