After reading through a few of the topics on here, I decided this would be a good place to ask about this...
I'd never had sex before - or been involved intimately in any way other than kiss and fondling - until my current boyfriend. We've known each other a few years, but only been dating a few months. In the time we dated I was staying with him & his roommate [my brother] and I slept with him in his room. We would make out a lot, and slowly work our way to more intimate things. When he would finger me, I never came. In fact I have never come before. Even when we started having sex. We joked about it at first, but I really started to wonder. When he fingers me, I feel myself losing control and then, without realizing it, I push his hands away. The same with oral - I pull away. It's also the same with masturbating. When I start to feel like I'm going to come, I stop. I'm not sure if this is a psychological problem or if there is something really wrong with me. Either way, I know it's hard for my boyfriend because he feels like he can't fulfill me entirely since I don't come. Honestly, while I mind for myself, I'm more concerned for him and what's it does to his self confidence in bed. Any advice?
relaxation is key and just engaging in the mood and the pleasure and allowing yourself to get off
Psychologically, you seem to resist losing control. The best way for us to learn to have orgasms is to give ourselves orgasms. Masturbation is the best teacher and it is well documented that early masturbation is correlated with satisfying sex later on. Never too late.
Each person is responsible for her or his own orgasm. We never "give" one, although the help is greatly appreciated. Until you are successful at masturbating I doubt that you will be able to yield control sufficiently to have an orgasm with him.
My first orgasm was almost an accident. Then I knew what was coming and I wanted to get there. Once you relax enough to share one with yourself you will be a long way towards sharing one with another. If you make satisfying him with your orgasm your goal, you will be frustrated for a long time.
Hmmm, you know, sounds a bit like me about year and a half ago. It is a new feeling, so it can be a bit scary sometimes. Try taking it slow. It mgiht help if you try to do it yourself as well, then you're in complete control. Try starting out slow, and doing it gradually. Like once you feel that you're getting close, try to just relax, lay back and and just do it for a few more seconds. Next time, do it a bit longer, and at soem point you should be able to achieve orgasm, just relax. Soemtimes it is learned. ONce you have it, it should be easier, it was for me at least. If you're really having problems, you could try a vibrator, cause with them, you can't always stop yourself since a lot of tiems it can happen very fast. The key is to relax and just enjoy the entire experience. Sex is not a marathon that your goal is orgasm, it's a wonderful journey, in which you should enjoy the entire road. Or soemthing like that, I'm no poet