16Dec2009 (Rutters) Geneva & Nuorgam. Dr. Tan Thuot, Director, Sexual Epidemiology, World Health Organization, reported at a news conference today that there is a global pandemic of Chlamydia, a sexually transmitted disease, among elves. How this disease, common among humans, jumped into the elf population is not clear as elves rarely engage in sex with humans but do with other Woodland creatures such as faeries, trolls, leprechauns, huldre and other more rare creatures unique in parts of the world. Elves are found on all six continents (ex Antarctica) and get along well with almost all other creatures. Because the organism being found in elves has been traced to Eastern Europe, where trolls have been known to copulate with humans, the medical theory is that trolls were the link in passing the disease. Testing teams are being dispatched to all known colonies of Woodland Folk. It is believed that the disease has spread through the elf population because about one-third of all elves gather at the North Pole each. Most Woodland Creatures remain closer to home.
A spokeself for Claus Enterprises at their press center acknowledged that there have been an inordinate number of elves treated in the work season leading up to the Holidays. Santa has sent auxiliary sleighs across the world collecting one-quarter dose antibiotics for treatment and all the finger cots available (called by elves peckercots) to slow the spread. Nitrile surgical gloves used by dental and medical clinics are also being gathered. Each glove yields five cots of varying sizes and the elves roll their own. Purple gloves are particularly desirable. The elf assured the press that there will no effects on production or delivery Christmas Eve.
Irving, an elf traveling home to Montpelier, painted a slightly different picture. He stated that the elves are still working hard but, “ … when elves ain’t getting’ none, they get a bit ornery,” and the workplace has not been a happy one. “Them girlelfs just cut it off completely. They are all scared of getting clapped up,” he said. The normal evening parties among the elves just are not happening. “Group-gropes are the usual evening entertainment and them girlelfs are usually into it. Not this year.” He said he has traveled to the North Pole each year for the 125 years since he passed the minimum age of 50 to work with Santa.
Well,
How about them apples...
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Why do you say eww?
Did you say the same thing about the flu pandemic? Just curious...
I've never understood why there is something especially gross about STI as compared to any other infection...
Kindly explain.
Thanks!
[QUOTE=wet_suit_one;250075]Why do you say eww?
Did you say the same thing about the flu pandemic? Just curious...
I've never understood why there is something especially gross about STI as compared to any other infection...
Kindly explain.
Thanks![/QUOTE]
I think I can understand. Something about penises and vaginas covered with sores is a bit off putting.
.... but in elves, they would be cute little sores.
.....and the red goes with the Christmas color scheme.
Okay that one may have been too far. Sorry.
ROTFLMAO!!!!
Int, that was priceless!
:D
[QUOTE=LickMyGamete;250081]I think I can understand. Something about penises and vaginas covered with sores is a bit off putting.[/QUOTE]
As opposed to sores in your mouth, in your brain, blood oozing out of every orifice, or something like a hemorrhagic fever? Or simply having your flesh dissolved by a particularly nasty flesh eating bacteria? Or drowning in your own fluid filled lungs? Or having diarrhea so bad that you think you're going to die (and quite likely be correct!)? Or some of the many other horrific infectious diseases out there?
Sores on one's naughty bits is pretty minor compared to flesh eating disease (where your naughty bits can in fact be consumed and destroyed by the infectious agent, unlike say gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis (this one can make your nose fall off though and will rot your brain), HPV (though warts aren't cool)). Or am I totally off base here?
Do tell...
[QUOTE=wet_suit_one;250099]As opposed to sores in your mouth, in your brain, blood oozing out of every orifice, or something like a hemorrhagic fever? Or simply having your flesh dissolved by a particularly nasty flesh eating bacteria? Or drowning in your own fluid filled lungs? Or having diarrhea so bad that you think you're going to die (and quite likely be correct!)? Or some of the many other horrific infection diseases out there?
Sores on one's naughty bits is pretty minor compared to flesh eating disease (where your naughty bits can in fact be consumed and destroyed by the infectious agent, unlike say gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis (this one can make your nose fall off though and will rot your brain), HPV (though warts aren't cool)). Or am I totally off base here?
Do tell...[/QUOTE]
No, those would be off putting as well. Yep, very off putting indeed..