[QUOTE=shamon13;255871]m girlfriend and I are going through a rough time, things havent been good for some months now.
She has always been openly lazy in the bedroom and would be the first to say it herself, though to make her feel better i always asure her she's not!!!
we got a dog a few months ago and since then she says i've seemed angry all the time as we try to train the puppy.
She s right i have but a lot of it is through sexual frustration, we used to have sex 3/4 times a week then it became 1/2 a week then every other week and now we havent had sex for over a month, everytime she says she's ill or tired or any other excuse.
Last month I forced the issue and she cried that she loved me but wasnt sure if she loved me enough, yesterday with things no better i again broached the subject after yet another failed attempt to get her in the mood and she said she doesn't fancy me at the moment.
she still loves me but just doesnt want sex with me and hasnt for a couple of months, she says it because i'm angry at the minute and she hoped her feelings would change again.
I love her dearly and still do all the things i have since we started seeing each other, weekly flowers, cooking, complementing her etc and she says I m a perfect boyfriend in all ways except she obviously doesnt fancy me anymore.
I dont want to finish with her but cant see an other solution, can anyone throw some ideas at me, i ve tried so many things but i fear we ve hit the end[/QUOTE]

break up with her and find one that does fancy you

Okay, this is very common and will continue for as long as your permit. This child you're with has a view of 'what it means to be male' in her head that differs from her reality with you. She expects men to be big, bold, bad - daring, brutal persons. Yet here you are bringing her flowers, cooking, reassuring her left, right and center. She's terribly confused.

This is what you do and it will not be easy but it will work.

1. Stop being angry/frustrated. Let those feelings go. They are legit but they are counter-productive. Go work out or take the dog for a run instead.

2. No more reassurances. No more appeasment sex. The message to her is to 'stop hiding from me'. Your a man who can take whatever she has in mind but she has to initiate sex and prove to you that she desires you: right here and right now or else you're not going to play. She can't SAY she wants you, she has to SHOW she wants you.

3. You do not have to break-up. But you do have to quietly be more demanding. No need to yell or have fights etc. Just explain that while being a 'bad boy' might excite 'bad boys' become 'bad men'. The prisons are full of 'bad boys'. You have far too much self-respect to travel down that road.

Time for her to 'step up'.

^^agree

i would also stop doing all those things that you always do for her....weekly flowers, cooking, and complementing as much

[QUOTE=shamon13;255871][COLOR="blue">m girlfriend and I are going through a rough time, things havent been good for some months now.[/COLOR]

Two months is a long time to live with discord. What are you or the two of you doing to find and repair the problem? Are you talking about real issues or topics that do not address those issues?

[COLOR="blue">She has always been openly lazy in the bedroom and would be the first to say it herself, though to make her feel better i always asure her she's not!!![/COLOR]

Please define "lazy" for us. Do you mean that she simply lays there? Demonstrates no interest? Is interested yet unimaginative? What? Once we understand your definition, we can probably offer relevant recommendations.

[COLOR="blue">we got a dog a few months ago and since then she says i've seemed angry all the time as we try to train the puppy.[/COLOR]

Well, I can certainly understand the situation. I've had two pairs of dogs over the years. The first two were Toy Poodles, the second pair were a brother and sister Maltese act. Training the Poodles was more about my immaturity than theirs. Training the Maltese was more a battle of the wills with regard to the male. All I can say is understand that you are dealing with infant mentality and if you cannot undertake the training process in a positive and understanding manner then you will likely continue to be frustrated and exasperated. Training puppies has to be done with a loving understanding heart knowing that overcoming exasperation is part of "your training". I recommend enrolling in a puppy training course often available thru local Recreation and Parks departments, and other places.

[COLOR="blue">She s right i have but a lot of it is through sexual frustration, we used to have sex 3/4 times a week then it became 1/2 a week then every other week and now we havent had sex for over a month, everytime she says she's ill or tired or any other excuse.[/COLOR]

Perhaps so, perhaps not. If she is not interested in fixing things, then this means something else is probably wrong of which the lack of interest in sex is only the outward manifestation. Better begin talking and finding out what is really the problem.

[COLOR="blue">Last month I forced the issue and she cried that she loved me but wasnt sure if she loved me enough, yesterday with things no better i again broached the subject after yet another failed attempt to get her in the mood and she said she doesn't fancy me at the moment.[/COLOR]

You are letting the situation drag on much too long. If she won't work with you, or, work with a counselor, then get yourself into counseling in order to try and get some insight and answers.
[COLOR="blue">
she still loves me but just doesnt want sex with me and hasnt for a couple of months, she says it because i'm angry at the minute and she hoped her feelings would change again.[/COLOR]

Talk to her and ask her to confide in you for the good of the relationship. Let her know that you get that something is wrong yet without input from her, you cannot take steps to rectify the situation. If she will not participate, then, she is likely hurt, mad, or disgusted. Talking with a counselor can often be of help.

[COLOR="blue">I love her dearly and still do all the things i have since we started seeing each other, weekly flowers, cooking, complementing her etc and she says I m a perfect boyfriend in all ways except she obviously doesnt fancy me anymore.[/COLOR]

These are all good yet are really only fluff when it comes to working on problems instead of skirting around them or avoiding them.

[COLOR="bluek">I dont want to finish with her but cant see an other solution, can anyone throw some ideas at me, i ve tried so many things but i fear we ve hit the end[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

It takes two to make a successful relationship. Generally autonomous adults who could live alone choose to join forces for the common good and to have a life greater than the sum of its two parts. Let her know that it is time for her contribution to the partnership.

If she will not talk to you, provide information on what is bothering her, and after seeing a counselor, then you may simply have to move on. If you have done all you can without her participation, then the relationship is essentially over.

If the gift of flowers is not appreciated, stop. Continue cooking and doing other household chores because these are part of your obligation in the partnership. So, make sure the house is picked up, cleaned and vacuumed, the laundry is done, etc. Make no big production out of doing these things, as they should simply be part of any couple's daily/weekly tasks.

I understand that you do not want to give up on her, yet if she is not putting forth any effort into the relationship, then stop trying to feed a "dead horse". As I keep saying, dating is all about finding Mr./Ms. Right by dating lots of people, becoming closer friends than is possible in purely social settings, knowing that most will end sooner or later. Out of the many people you date, one or two will go long term and it is then that you can establish an actual relationship. Do not begin dating only to stop with the first warm body who expresses an interest just so you can have a relationship. Let any relationship develop naturally out of the deeper friendship.

She said she doesn't fancy you? :o :s

The above replies are very thorough and I would recommend following the steps as posted above and hope it all works out well for you. Good luck.

She's just not that into you. Hey, there was a movie with the same title.