First post BTW
One of my absolute favorite things to do is make a girl cum with my tongue/mouth. I think it let's you experience all the shakes and shudders and body language. I have this thing where I just love watching them/feeling them- get off. From my experience, and I have to admit I was surprised to find out how often this was the case- apparently very few men have oral skill at all. It's so wierd to hear a girl say "Oh, don't waste your time, I almost never get off on that." Yeah, well I haven't ever once NOT gotten a girl off- save one- an ex who was totally vagina stimulated and her clit was broken or something. hah :) I think my partner getting off (I swear I am not BSing) is more important to me than me getting off. I mean, I'm a guy- it's hardly a challenge to please me.
It is such a hangup for some women. Or some have never had it done. The latter is way easier to change than the former. I dated a girl who had been married for more than a year- and she never once had an orgasm in his presence (EDIT: She was divorced when this happened, I don't cheat or get with cheaters). Only masturbating secretly. That blows my mind to think you could be married and yet you have to go 'finish yourself off' in private. When she and I were first together, she wanted ONLY to do missionary and only intercourse. By now I realised she couldn't have a intercourse orgasm- the best she could do was masturbate while we were having intercourse- and frankly, I think my presence didn't increase the pleasure. Now, I am experienced and know what I'm doing, so I confidently asked her to let me do it for a minute- if she didn't like it, I wouldn't bring it up again. Suffice to say she had her first non-masturbatory orgasm that night. And her second, third etc.
Eh, it just surprises me that so many girls out there don't know what they are missing. I have to educate them on that a bit. I shall soldier on, fighting the good fight.
Yeah, I'm like you, I ENJOY giving oral. I have come to the same conclusion: it does appear that there are a tremendous amount of men who either (A.) don't know how to do it properly or (B.) don't care to do it at all.
Too many women think that their role is to spread their legs and let the guy pump away for awhile until he's done. And they call that "making love".
Now it is true that some women don't even like the idea of you down there so it doesn't matter whether it feels good or not. I can relate because when I hear about analingus on this board, all I can think is "I know that probably feels good, but I simply don't want that."
Suffice it to say, if you enjoy going down there, you enjoy giving pleasure to your partner, and you are perceptive to what she likes then doing it right is simply not that hard.
I was married for 10 years and never had one orgasm. Never. You just get used to it... Part of the problem was that my ex husband didn't enjoy oral - he'd do it,but I could tell his heart wasn't in it. And that was the only way (at the time) I could have an orgasm, so there we were. Some women get frustrated with men who only go at it for a few minutes and then quit - it's not worth getting all revved up if he's just going to stop, so mentally, we shut down.
Another thing... when a man is going down on me and I can tell that he's following a "strategy" or practicing his technique, I get turned off. I need to feel that he's crazy with desire for what I have down there, not just trying to figure me out, if that makes sense. Technique + Enthusiasm + Passion = Orgasm. Technique without Passion = No Orgasm.
Jenny Kennedy
Easy Orgasms for Difficult Women
www.difficultwoman.com
I've never been given oral, although I enjoy giving it to my boyfriend. He's not too keen on giving oral and has only done it twice (both times he was young and drunk lol) but told me the other day he wanted to do it to me because he wanted to make me happy. I agreed, and was excited at the thought of doing something new. But, when we started making out etc I felt so self concious (which is not like me) and I couldn't let him do it. I think part of the reason was the fact that I felt like he didn't actually want to do it and paired with the self-conciousness, I couldn't let it happen. After that, my desire to try it completely disappeared for a while, although its started to come back (:rolleyes: ) I also think that because he told me (before we started going out) that he didn't like it and wished he didn't have to do it that I felt as if I was forcing him to do something he didn't want to do - even though he suggested it!
At first, I thought it was just his problem and I couldnt understand us not doing it but now, it seems its my problem too.
His reluctance has made you self-concious. Since he doesn't like to give oral perhaps he shouldn't receive oral. So often in this life - what we get is what we give. No need to say anything, just stop doing that particular activity with him. If he asks - just say "you get what you give" and do so with a grin. Go ahead and be a 'little minx' about it.
Okay, to play devil's advocate here... let's feel a little sorry for these poor guys. Our private parts are much more complicated than theirs. He's probably suffering from severe performance anxiety. I'm totally straight, but I was with a woman last year out of curiosity and the terrain down there is NOT that easy to navigate! When I thought I was on ground-zero, she didn't respond. When I moved to a place that felt completely neutral, she started to squirm, which made me lose my place. Then I had to find it again, and all the while, she was making noises that I couldn't really interpret.
It's tough down there! Maybe he's just scared he won't do it right and he's built up his own paranoia. Men are much more performance-oriented than we are and if he's afraid he'll fail, he might keep avoiding it.
I'm sure he's cruising these boards too, looking for advice and you know what he's finding? About 100 different techniques, that contradict each other and all sound very confusing!
Just my two pennies.
Jenny Kennedy
Easy Orgasms for Difficult Women
www.Difficultwoman.com
[QUOTE=A Difficult Woman;157325]Another thing... when a man is going down on me and I can tell that he's following a "strategy" or practicing his technique, I get turned off. I need to feel that he's crazy with desire for what I have down there, not just trying to figure me out, if that makes sense. Technique + Enthusiasm + Passion = Orgasm. Technique without Passion = No Orgasm. [/QUOTE]
Very true. When I've gone down there, I do it because I enjoy it and I love how intimate it is. I probably have about a 98% "success rate" but the key is that I don't focus on that.
If she just can't seem to get over the "hump" for whatever reason, I don't worry or obsess about it. I'm just doing it because I enjoy pleasing her in that way - not because I feel she HAS to have an orgasm. I just think it's really sexy and there are few acts that are more intimate.
When you are doing it for the right reasons, it becomes very easy to do it well.
I love receiving oral...but this is because I have been blessed with a very talented partner who enjoys it. I have a friend who's boyfriend said it's gross, so he won't do it to her...and she's never had it done before!!! He told her it smells to gross (as if his stuff smells like a bunch of roses). Then she told him, if he won't try it, then she won't perform the same on him...and he told her that wasn't fair!!! How is that not fair??? Do guys automatically assume a blow job is part of the deal??? I think I'm more upset about it then she is
I however am equal with my partner. I do not get off during intercourse, and he feels bad, so he performs oral to please me, and he likes to do it. I just can't believe that some girls go their whole life without it. If you ask me blow jobs are much more painful and annoying than going down on a girl. Women, you know, along with blow jobs comes tmj, jaw clicking, and headaches. All guys get is a tired tongue, and I know, I've done it before, and I am also straight.
that's just my opinion though
[QUOTE=dancer105;157411] I have a friend who's boyfriend said it's gross, so he won't do it to her...and she's never had it done before!!! He told her it smells to gross (as if his stuff smells like a bunch of roses). Then she told him, if he won't try it, then she won't perform the same on him...and he told her that wasn't fair!!! How is that not fair??? Do guys automatically assume a blow job is part of the deal??? I think I'm more upset about it then she is
[/QUOTE]
As a guy, my opinion is that she should give him absolutely no BJ's whatsoever unless she is just doing it for her own enjoyment.
If she really has a hygene problem, then address it. However, I would guess that this is just an excuse on his part.
Guys who can't stand to go down on a girl are usually the same guys who don't mind gutting a deer. Being "grossed out" is a lousy excuse.
I once gave oral to a girl for 1hr and 30 mins! time few by! my lovely wife is not into me giving her oral at all. I have asked and even try but you can see her get really really uncomfortable. Thats to bad for me. I wish i could. :mad:
[QUOTE=sheismyoasis;157514]I once gave oral to a girl for 1hr and 30 mins! time few by! my lovely wife is not into me giving her oral at all. I have asked and even try but you can see her get really really uncomfortable. Thats to bad for me. I wish i could. :mad:[/QUOTE]
Interesting. So she's into sex but not into oral? Has she said why? I mean, does she feel insecure about it or does it not feel good to her?
Perhaps she doesn't think "it's okay" for some reason?
what are the main reasons why a girl would not want a guy to give her oral ?
I'm interested so I can come up with some "other points of veiw" for each situation and type of reasoning a girl may have because she dosn't like it.
of course if she really does not like it well thats that it is just that sometimes we don't think of things from all points of veiw for example if she were to say I can't see why you want to lick me it must be discusting I will reply with well do you think giving me a blowjob is disgusting I too can't understand how you don't mind putting my dick in your mouth