Hey everyone. Sometimes my boyfriend and I will have sex twice in one evening. Well, a lot of times during the second session, which is usually at least an hour after the first time, he can't orgasm and will go limp. He says that it feels good but he doesn't ejaculate. Instead, he ends up going limp and loses his erection. I don't understand this. He also seems like he is trying really hard to ejaculate but just can't during this second round of sex at times. This happens more often than I would like. What can we do to fix this?
Thu, 04/14/2011 - 09:00
#1
Sometimes during our second sex session, my boyfriend can't orgasm and goes limp
First of all rid yourself, and him too, of this idea that he MUST ejaculate to enjoy. Not so! Men enjoy everything about the sexual experience and a man can orgasm without ejaculating.
However, you are waiting too long to re-engage his engines. Once he' s past the initial "gotta sleep" stage, hydrate him and give him a bit of teasing chat for about 30 minutes and then return to the fun and games. By the time an hour has passed, his mind has gone back into "purrrr mode" and he's called it a night.
My usual method, men in their 50's mind you, is 45 minutes "on" and 15 minutes "off" during which time he's hydrating himself and 'girding his loins' for round two, three, or whatever it is. I have to admit at after the 4th time, they usually do NOT ejaculate anymore but are just along for the ride.
Two possibilities off the top of my head:
A--maybe he simply has a longer refractory period.
B--by the time it's happening enough that you're posting on it here looking for help, and by the way you say he tries so hard, it may be performance anxiety. Which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy....he gets so worried about whether it will stay up, he's not relaxed/into it enough to stay up.
General stress and weight issues can also be a problem.
my husband has the same problem sometimes and i found tht after the first time, wait about 15-20 min and then start to pleasure mysef infront of him.... when i notice tht he cant keep his eyes off of me then i take and start to pleasure him orally at first then i get on top so i can control everything and then he has no problem, hope it helps u!
I'm surprised that you have not been looking in the Index for the solution.
Depending upon his age and sex drive, he might have a longer refractory period than perhaps half an hour as Int suggests; however, what we know about climaxing is that the second and subsequent orgasms in a string are each somewhat more difficult to trigger than the previous one.
If the two of you are not working together and he is not giving you feedback on how he is responding to your caresses (of his penis, etc.) and for what he needs now/next, the process of triggering his (next) orgasm is going to be more difficult or problematic.
See if the information in this article will help.
How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?
...and for more help:
"Playing Ball" and How To Tips for Prostate Massage
This is also an excellent tutorial for people interested in and concerned about the how-to of Anal stimulation as well as play.
Key to your success is in understanding that while you may know the mechanics of stroking a penis, each of us has a uniquely personal variation on the technique. This, combined with the added challenge of triggering a second, third, etc. climax makes it very important to work together, providing you with feedback, and helping you move your hand in a way he needs--NOW.
treat the second time around more like foreplay instead of going for the gold. lots of touching, stroking, kissing, and oral.
you can always get him a cock ring. Put it on him once he's hard and it will help keep him good and hard, he still might not cum, but at least you'll both have fun trying
Forget all the crap posted here and just read Doc's recommendation above. Many men can go a few times in one evening. My record with a male partner was he came eight times in three hours. That was a very healthy teen. As men age, the stamina is reduced. There are many muscles and organs involved in ejaculation and some simply get tired. One night he may be up for a few and another night one is the limit. He is enjoying himself; it is no problem.
We wwomen can be satisfied without being satiated; men can be satiated without being satisfied. Sounds like you get him to both at the same time. Congratulations. He is human and you are doing a good job.
brandye did that kid complain about being sore after the 3hr session? i know it has hurt to pee after i orgasm 4-5 times, not to mention nothing really comes out at that point.
thanks for dismissing the other four posts Brandye
Pcp grow up.
Brandye is right. Its definitely not a matter of needing a cock ring. In fact if I'm not mistaken I could have sworn there are some dangers about prolonged use.
I for one have had marathon sessions. She came 10 times and I was on my 4th. I just kept going and goin. I was capable of sustaining an erection, I just was very desensitized from the 4 or so hours we were going. I was satisfied after the third. All I had to do was jerk off and I was able to cum. It took a litle more "feeling" to get off.
According to a close friend's girlfriend, he can go 1 time every 12 or so hours. He can get hard a second time but is generally incapable of ejaculating. According to the docs he's fine. No health problems (physically and mentally fine, if anything he's in much better physical shape then most). He just can't ejaculate very often.
To the OP you care about your boyfriends orgasm, but remember that like a woman he too can be satisfied with just sex. I personally could have 1 orgasm and be completely fine doing it a second time without an orgasm. The feeling is wonderful and I enjoy pleasuring my partner more than anything. The best you can do is follow the articles doc posted. It isn't the "stress" causing him to lose his erection. Its not like your making fun of him for it right? As long as your supportive his loss of erection is just plain fatigue mixed with desinsitivity.