Some background:
Me and my girlfriend are 17 and sixteen respectively, both of which have had some, but very little experience with others before our relationship, hers was generally bad, and mine was almost always me giving, but not recieving. we have been messing around with oral and sexual massage, and We recently had sex fo the first time (both of us were virgins), we tried once and it was a mess, we rushed and i barely got it in before i was done (fortunately i had given her an orgasm earlier in the night so i didnt feel tooooo bad) , it was true outercourse lol, we then talked about it a bit, and tried a few days lter and it went very well, shesaid that after the first 2-3 "thrusts" (for lack of a better term) hurt, which i expected which is why i went very slowly and gently, but after that it stared feeling good, so we both agreed it was a job well done :-)
The problem:
She is, by her own admission, insecure at times and worries that she isnt "pleasing" me, she says she feels like she isnt doing things right, and feels bad because she wants to make it as good for me as she says it is for her...ienjoy everything she does, and while it could be better, she has no reason to worry about her not pleasing me, she does! lol, which i have told her repeatedly, and i evenm try to be more expressive when things feel good to boost her confidence, and still she seem to feel bad and have the same problem.
My question:
what can i do? i want her to gain confidence and i really am willing to do whatever i can to help her :-), she asks repeatedly if theres anythinga want her to do to make it better and my response (because im really as new to it as her) is alwas, just go with your gut, try different things, have fun with it, and you will be able to tell when its good!, its what i have done from my first experience, and it has apparently worked out well.
Soi guess i am just asking for help and suggestions on how to help her be more confident,secure, and help her to improve things for the both ofus?
-Thank you for any help you can provide :-)
Your post is interesting and well written. I liked reading it.
Self confidence, self image, and self esteem, are all human foibles whether it is the girl in this case or a guy. About the only thing you can do is to have a heart to heart talk with her, looking her straight in the eyes and informing her that making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other. In other words, a relationship is established on trust and is a learning experience in which the couple explores and learns together.
It is expected that there will be problems with self confidence and what will help is to believe in what your partner is telling you. You have expressed this to her well; however, I do not believe she is listening. You need to tell her in all seriousness that what you are telling her about pleasing you is true and should be believed. The sooner she can make this leap of faith, the sooner she can relax and be comfortable within the relationship and with you.
Now, having said that, let's talk about the matter of learning. Rarely does first time sex go off without a hitch whether it is the first time ever for a person/couple, or, the first time with this partner. So, neither of you should be too critical or set expectations too high; this is why I stated that the two of you should explore and learn together. Learn what works, what doesn't, what you like, do not, how to and what to avoid, etc. If you go at it in this way your progress will be one of discovery and awe. Self doubt and criticism are crippling and she must understand when this is appropriate and when it is not.
Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. Please begin by reading the FAQs, and familiarizing yourself with the Posting Guidelines section and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to many helpful informative insightful and how-to articles that the two of you should read.
If you have additional questions, please do not hesitate to ask.
P.S.
I suggest showing this thread to her and letting her read both of our comments. Then let her read some or all of the articles in the Index, together or separately, then discussing the content of each.
Thanks! I appreciate the compliment as well as the advice, I figured there are a lot of posts on here with half asked questions and ppl sometimes seem to need some clarification, so I wanted to do as much as i could to make it easy to get an answer :-)
Also in the Index and available by doing an advanced site search is the subject of "verbal and non-verbal communication" and giving each other feedback on how we are reacting to each other and for what we need now/next. I'm a man of few words, also, unless you get me talking on something I'm passionate about. As for being able to express a thought during love making, you will find some helpful information concerning this.
Repeat after me:
More
More, more more
I like that
Yes
Yes, yes, yes
Stop
STOP
Do this
etc.
It is sometimes difficult for a person to conjure up a complete thought without loosing his/her focus or concentration on what is happening, yet we can usually come up with one word cues like these. Give them a try.
There's nothing wrong with oooh's and aaaah's during coitus - however...
What happens immediately after your orgasm is what is important. Males are exhausted and women feel a huge upwelling of energy. You should fight off your tiredness long enough to vigorously gather her up into your arms and give her a huge bear hug whilst grinning from ear to ear and, joyfully, say something like "You're marvelous!"
Sex should be exultant!
honestly, tell her how amazing she is during sexual intercorse and how good it is for you during it. women like to be told how beautyful, and amazing and how good it is. dont be afried to moan or anything for the sounds usualy exite and tell your partner how good it feels to them.
i know that i please my boyfriend, but every now and then I get insecure about whether or not its as good as it was before. We have great communication and when I tell him this we just sit down and cuddle up and he tells me exactly how it feels for him.
If you can express something like this to your girlfriend it makes all sexual activities way better. Point out to her the little things she does that just totally drives you wild. Eventually her insecurities will go aware and it will bring you guys closer together sexually.