while you are going out BEFORE getting married is usually AS GOOD AS IT GETS...you get married to her and too bad for you!!

This woman will never enjoy rampant sex. Her mind is made up and closed. So, why are you still with her?

she's not the one for you ..just my opinion..she won't go down on you? shock..i have the same problem with my guy not doing it for me..in her case show her who's boss..if you respect her enough to wait till marriage for sex she can at least go down on you..hell you can even tell her she doesn't have to swallow..thats just a little odd.
<3

One question you need to know the answer to yourself is; if you marry and sex becomes "not her cup of tea" will you be satisfied living the remainder of your life not sharing sexual intimacy w/your wife?

I believe sexual compatibility is just as important as trust, honesty, and respect within a marriage or serious relationship. Often you can read throughout this site on those who found otherwise, have been very upset, and nearing a divorce or cheating for this reason. This is just food for thought.

As far a spicing up your sex life now? Kind of tough since minimal physical contact does not leave a great deal of latitude for new things to try. Maybe ask her to strip for you and then give you a hand job? Or you strip for her (role play) and have her please you then with a hand job for "a good performance"? Maybe try manual stimulation in a secluded but public place?

I think you're a good guy Demonic. i agree with you that marriage is a sacred bond and is the ultimate symbol of love. I'm engaged and my gf and I have the best times togther with or without sex. So good for you man, I'm glad there are some left not just those ahole punks who just want to nail and bail. To answer your question I have tried doing some very sensual and erotic massages, and just the typical rubbing andd touching. I'll c if I can think of some more and keep you updated.

Bet you that after 29 years, you will change your mind.

[QUOTE=Demonic-Booze;184224]well by then my sex drive will have dwindled because ill be 49 so i wont really care. i can get as much satisfaction just by being around her as i do when we play.[/QUOTE]

BAAAAAAAAAAAaahhahahahahaha....don't talk about things you have NO IDEA about D-B !!..by that age the sex is usually UNINCUMBERED and NO the sex drive doesn't dwindle..:rolleyes:

[QUOTE=Demonic-Booze;184275]baaaahahaa yes i do know what im talking about. im studying this kind of stuff right now (a lifespan human developments class) and studies have shown that by the time guys hit their thirties their sex drive starts to slow down and by roughly mid to late fifties is has come to a very near stop. it will never completely disappear but that is why older people enjoy each others company more and their privates less.[/QUOTE]

sex drive in your thirties is due to CLIMBING the corporate ladder,gathering worldly possessions, even to the extent of sacrificing your family connections even though that is exactly what is driving you! During your forties you are well into your "plan" and it IS or ISN"T working out....you tend to stay the course if things are working and if they are not..you are RELOADING...sex at these points may be a bit...I might say..reckless..towards your 50's you definitely have a grip of the situation and like I said..you enter the era of unencumbered sex!..(unless you plan on banging 20-30yr olds). I don't know which antiquated study you are getting taught, but believe me REAL LIFE isn't anything like what you are studying!..Some people are getting BANGED more in their late 40's and early 50's than they ever got from late 20's thru early 40's..way less caviats!!

Demonic Booze:

You have to be joking. All the "studies" in the world are not correct. Sorry, hate to tell you, us old folks do much more then enjoy each other's company, LOL! Until you are there you will not understand, until you have the experience under your belt your making inaccurate assumptions! But it's a gross misinterpreted myth!!!!!!

Here is one small example:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/other_sex_topics/22322-want_try_somethin...

[QUOTE=sera300;184301]Demonic Booze:

You have to be joking. All the "studies" in the world are not correct. Sorry, hate to tell you, us old folks do much more then enjoy each other's company, LOL! Until you are there you will not understand, until you have the experience under your belt your making inaccurate assumptions! But it's a gross misinterpreted myth!!!!!![/QUOTE]

LOL
That's why STDs became rampant in an retirement community here in FL.. it was on the news LOL :o

They were like dang... those old people were getting around! :D

HnG is right in that during that time period of late 20s to maybe early 40s you are working hard, starting/providing for families...life is hectic...and you rarely have time for yourself. Once kids slowly start moving out to college and starting their own lives... you find you have more time on your hands...by then hopefully you've "made" your money and are thinking to the future of retirement...when you have a lot of time on your hands :)

D-B,

If I may suggest, use this Board to run by others (mis)conceptions such as the one you stated above instead of simply assuming that they are fact. You will no doubt (as demonstrated) get a different sound bite (and no, we're not all hippies!)... At 46 now, I've read lots of crap on lots of subjects and in the end, only a fraction of it held up against reality, on whatever subject. With my personal stuff below, I think I am no exception to other males in my age group (and you can even throw in socio-eco profile if you want).

I can assure you I have a great sex life, complete with daydreaming, fantasies, curiosity for new things to do, "power" (anybody can suggest the correct term for this to a non-native English speaker?), etc. I find the lovemaking in many respects more gratifying today than when I was certainly more "powerful" but less "knowledgeable" - more attuned to my partner's wants and needs, more receptive also to her loving. Don't quite know how to explain the difference between now and then ... Maybe something like this : "performance" used to matter a lot (or at least more). Today, even limp after a first go (yes, it does take longer to recoup at 46 than at 26!), I discover that there are things we can do that are just as satisfying and pleasing (and ultimately making her cum again) as an with an erect dick! And take my word, this is done without sacrificing anything on the "shock" dimensions of sex. ;)

Have fun D-B, grow old and happy, with all your convictions and beliefs. But do keep an open mind that things may not quite develop as you expect them to... first and foremost in matters of love! Cheers.

It's okay D-B has already told us he's ready to live a life lacking sex and he'll be okay with that!..I just wish we could revisit that BOLD statement by him in about 20yrs, but I'll be dead from f**king too much!...LOL

Whoever told you that the sex drive diminishes with age is LYING to you! I can assure you that the vast majority of persons over 49 are having so much sex that we're more than making up for the rest of you slackers out there!

[QUOTE=sera300;184051] if you marry and sex becomes "not her cup of tea" will you be satisfied living the remainder of your life not sharing sexual intimacy w/your wife?
[/QUOTE]
I completely agree with you about that you should definitely be sure about that before, you continue this relationship, you don't want to be dissatisfied the rest of your life it may "accidentally" make your mind wander elsewhere, which could lead to cheating and you seem decent I don't think you would want to do that to your s/o.
<3
hope that helped.

Demonic, we cannot tell you new things to try because BOTH of you have CLOSED minds about sex. First of all, it is just as easy to build a relationship between the sheets as it is anywhere else. So stop thinking that sexually active persons are inferior to you. Just because your notions get challenged does not make us A-holes either. Of course a relationship is not ALL about just sex, but a complete lack thereof corrodes the soul. Usually those who enjoy sex do so and marriage will not change that. But most of the world ends up celibate after 20 years of marriage to the same person because one of the partners has never accepted his or her sexuality and refuses to change. We are merely cautioning you that this might very well be applicable in your case.

[QUOTE=Demonic-Booze;184416]HnG ur a prime example of why i dont like to be male. life isnt about sticking ur dick in something as much as possible. u remind me of all those stupid frat boys trying to get into the pants of every girl on campus. some of us actually chose to build a relationship, not an erection. so if that relationship turns out to not have much sex we are ok with it because we are in love with our S/O to the point that having sex isnt our number one priority. im sorry if u (and others) dont agree with this but tough **** i dont really care.

remind me never to ask you people for new things to try out cause all that i got out of this is that some people who i respected for their knowledge have turned out be complete A-holes.[/QUOTE]

at this point I am assuming you have quite a religeous background and if that be the case debate is useless I'll not bother to mention the 2 lines in the bible that ditates the churchs sex policy and if you are curious to know the jews were having sex before marriage

demonic, you might consider bringing some toys into the picture...there's a vibe called the rabbit that lots of women swear by. There's also one called the Layaspot...it is pretty cool, very small/portable/waterproof with several speeds in case she likes it really soft or with more "wow"...I got one for my lady off ebay although we are "working up to it" as she is kinda' shy, etc. You can both have fun with it together (and alone if apart, I guess). You can also get some flavored gels/lubricants, maybe that would help with the oral. Then there is always honey or choc syrup, etc. you can sprinkle over each other's body and lick off sensuously. Maybe that would be good for both of you! :D

I was thinking, maybe your lady is also just kinda' shy like mine, or like mine, has some misconception about herself...have you asked her why she doesn't like oral giving / receiving?

I had a difficult time with that also with my lady receiving oral...turns out she was just REALLY self-concious about her vagina. She thought she "smelled" (she does -- she smells and tastes GREAT, HA!) AND she thought she was "ugly and deformed." Of course she's not. Sigh. I think there are a lot of women out there like this, who think this through no fault of their own. The thing is, vaginas are like snowflakes, no two are alike! I think this is awesome.

Point: maybe you can just gently talk with yer gal, find out WHY she has these objections...overcome them gently and steadily...and tell her how sexy and beautiful and attractive she is from head to toe, ESP. her vagina (or whatever name she calls it)...and eventually work your way up to giving her oral. Just know that it will take time, maybe even years, my friend. But it is totally worth it...and you seem like a stand-up guy, love comes first ... and so you can handle this. It would prob'ly also help if you shared with her how good and excited she makes you feel when she gives you oral AND when you give it to her. That is what finally got through to my lady, was telling her how excited it made me to taste her, and to give her that pleasure.

Do all this in a REAL, SINCERE, non-confrontational way and you'll get much better results.

I had another relationship where my lady was great at oral and touching but didn't like receiving oral OR even me touching her vagina AT_ALL...but in that case I found out later it was b/c she was sexually abused as a kid. It took a really_long_time, but we got her through it together and everything turned out great in the end.

There's also mutual masturbation (in front of each other, lots of people find this erotic) that might add some spice. What about sexy lingerie? Preceded by a night of dancing, followed by a slow bath? Or skinny dipping on a campout, at a lake, beach, etc.? Then there is also the option of phone sex which can be pretty erotic...this would also be another way to slip in some fantasy talk about putting your mouth on her/her putting hers on you, etc. Make sure you talk in HER language, what she wants to hear. Some girls like dirty talk "I want to eat your pussy" others like it less graphic: "I want to put my mouth on you, pleasure you," etc.

Ditto the erotic massage...that can also come in handy for getting her relaxed enough to receive oral. Candlelight, and her favorite music are another plus. Good luck and let us know if any of this was helpful!

And try to give [EDIT: SOME of] those other posters a break, they weren't coming down on your lady, they just didn't have enough info to work with...they didn't know you were head over heels, totally committed, etc. The big picture is that, imho, people just don't like to see people having to deal with unresolved issues...and thus unhappy. They speak this from their hearts and many times from life experience; they just want to see you and your gal happy. So everyone needs to just relax a bit. ;)

And sorry this is so long, I just wanted to give you a heartfelt answer.

[quote=HardNgood;184392]It's okay D-B has already told us he's ready to live a life lacking sex and he'll be okay with that!..I just wish we could revisit that BOLD statement by him in about 20yrs, but I'll be dead from f**king too much!...LOL[/quote]

You are going to be dead from crawling 10 miles on your hands in knees in an attempt to hide in other's garbage pales!:D

[quote=Demonic-Booze;184416] life isnt about sticking ur dick in something as much as possible. u remind me of all those stupid frat boys trying to get into the pants of every girl on campus. some of us actually chose to build a relationship, not an erection. so if that relationship turns out to not have much sex we are ok with it because we are in love with our S/O to the point that having sex isnt our number one priority. im sorry if u (and others) dont agree with this but tough **** i dont really care.

remind me never to ask you people for new things to try out cause all that i got out of this is that some people who i respected for their knowledge have turned out be complete A-holes.[/quote]

DB:

Have you ever thought many here are married (or were married) individuals trying to help you out? And are sharing what they have learned over the years through their own lives or of those around them?

You refer to your g/f as someone who you plan to marry, yet she is not your fiancee; therefore, I interpret this as you both are still quite young. As you get closer to choosing a woman to marry, before you walk up the isle, you try to be certain of many aspects of compatibility in life. Handling finances, wishes to have children, how to raise them, what type of life you wish to have, family values, priorities, etc. Part of this equation is also sexual compatibility. Ascertaining you are indeed the best pair is so very important since after marriage is when the trial begins. Due to life couples become distant in communication and it takes both spouses to keep the marriage on track. It's not uncommon to become caught up in life; kids, work, career, houses, yard work, etc. to loose each other. Pulling yourselves back as a couple can be difficult and those who do it best make it. Also, sex tends to go by the wayside. This leaves the one partner who wishes to make love to the person who they chose to spend forever with feeling rejected. This is a very deep hurt and wound which when it becomes repeated behavior, the degree of rejection is so deep. Yes, you have other parts of your life together but you eventually find you are just co-existing and not very happy.

I do not understand why you wish to suppress your natural sexual desire (when you said about not masturbating). At first I thought this was a religious choice but I recall you said you have done oral on her and she did not like/enjoy it. And she gives you satisfaction through manual stimulation; therefore, you in fact are having a sexual relationship. But why the strict suppression if this is the woman you plan to marry?

When the kids are grown & you have time together to yourselves again, many re-connect sexually to where they were before marriage or when first married. It does not grow old, you just find new things to keep each other entertained sexually.

You are insinuating many here are just a "bunch of teens" or "frat kids" when in fact they are grown individuals with many years of life behind them who have extended themselves and their experiences to help you. Many are old enough to even be your parents.

Wow...drama :(. It feels like I'm watching daytime tv!

Demonic-Booze, you did not give the whole story and people were simply stating their opinions. Don't ask for help if you're just going to sh!t on people and insult them, besides everyone deserves their own view.

Anyways onward to the point:
There are many alternatives to not having penetration sex. Many people have mentioned mutual masturbation, which is a great idea. I have a question though, you said she doesn't like oral...but have you ever tried fingering her? I know I MUCH prefer fingering to oral since I don't have clitoral orgasms. The massage comment is another good idea try dim lighting, candles, music, lotion/massage oil, or the whole "body worship" thing that everyone always mentions. If possible, could you bathe or shower together? She might be more receptive to you going down on her in the shower if she's worried about taste/smell. You could take the body worship thing a step further if you're kinky, tie her wrists to the bed posts and gently touch her/tease her all over until shes dripping, then go down on her slowly and gently since she can't get away ;). Afterwards, make sure you let her do the same!

Hope this helps, and try and accept advice from people, they're trying to help you...after all you asked!

[QUOTE]I do not understand why you wish to suppress your natural sexual desire (when you said about not masturbating). At first I thought this was a religious choice but I recall you said you have done oral on her and she did not like/enjoy it. And she gives you satisfaction through manual stimulation; therefore, you in fact are having a sexual relationship. But why the strict suppression if this is the woman you plan to marry?
[/QUOTE]

Agreed, I mean even anal sex was "considered" but she wasn't too keen on the idea... which is fine...b/c it's not my fav thing to do either.
But it goes back to that question I always ask. I don't understand how people will want to "save" themselves till marriage but yet do everything else in the book including anal sex...which to me is even more initimate than vaginal. i mean you REALLY have to trust and be comfortable w/ that person... to let them do that LOL.

I mean sexuality must be important to you in some ways, b/c your avatar is quite racy :)
Mine and Sera's just have dancing critters!
Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!

When my b/f and I do this...we'll just play w/ each others parts.
Or like he'll suck my nipples while I rub my clit..etc.
Or he really likes when I suck/bite his nips and play w/ his balls while he strokes himself.

It does help to know your own body and what feels good.
Yes sometimes your own touch might not do the same...but if you are really turned on...any touch feels good! lol

[QUOTE=Demonic-Booze;184421]thanks SM33. but i would rather cut off my dick than cheat on the one i love. dont care what anybody says[/QUOTE]

I'm with you man-IMO there's no excuse for cheating. its simply unacceptable. and when done during marriage, it just makes it that much worse.

my gf and i have been together about 2 years now. we plan on getting married when we graduate from college, although we are having sex now

She doesn't masturbate. Well, that's all we really needed to know.

Wish ya luck buddy, you're going to need it!