Hey. Well the other night my bf and I broke up. It just wasn't working... He lives an hour away, neither one of us drives, and we both seemed to have barely any time. We had (and I believe still have) pretty strong feelings for each other. It was like we just "clicked" and it felt so right. But due to circumstance, we couldn't really progress.
Well I guess what I'm getting at is, what do I do now? We want to still stay friends, but should we? Should I still talk to him regularly? I mean, we used to text message and talk on the phone every day, now I don't know if I should do that. I feel akward. Also, should I try to date anyone else anytime soon? Or should I just wait? Man I'm confused.
Thanks for listening to me rambling. Any input would be appreciated.
Thanks Tease. Yeah, perhaps I am just lonely. I just can't seem to shake this feeling of emptiness. Its not only when I think of him, its also when I think of my previous ex, and about people I have wanted to be with but for whatever reason couldn't or didn't. Its weird to think that I am single, and it sucks to be so.
Damn emotions... I do hope this passes soon so I can go on and just live my life and let it come to me like I had planned. But in the meantime, I have to somehow deal with these feelings without going insane or getting depressed or anything.
I think you're just lonely.
Just about every single person feels the same way from time to time. It's like you're just missing out on something because you're not with someone. And then, when you see all these couples together or your friends getting married, it sure doesn't help much.
Anyways, everyone works at their own pace. If you feel that you just absolutely need to have someone, then go out and pursue it. If you think it's just a phase because you miss him, and you still need time, then don't.
Just remember your biggest problem is, well, you're a girl.
We're generally big on emotions. We can go from happy to sad in 2.5 seconds thanks to a lovely thing called hormones. We also over think things and over analyze things and drive ourselves crazy thinking we need or want this and that and blah blah blah when tomorrow, we'll probably feel different.
Ok, I've been getting some strange feelings lately. I saw a xanga site of his which told about his asking this girl out that he was interested in, then finding out she wasnt interested. Well I asked him about it, basically to see if he was serious about her. He said that it was really just something to please his parents, because she lives in his neighborhood...
Well the point of that story is that I'm no longer thinking about getting back together with him, knowing that it is not possible to happen.
Now, my new dillemma... I was thinking that I would be single for a while and stop looking, basically just let a relationship come to me. That seemed ok, but lately I just havent felt right. I feel like I should be in a relationship, that I should have somebody to share myself with, somebody to be there for me and someone who I can be there for. I dont really know how else to describe it, besides just thinking that I deserve it.
So, what should I do? Am I just lonely, or should I really pursue a relationship? Im just confused as to why I feel this way, I'm usually fine with not being in a relationship. But I just feel like I'm missing out on something, like my life isn't as rich or full as it would be if I had a significant other. I know I cant just run around trying to pursue something with every guy I meet, Im just wondering how to deal with these emotions. Also, would it be wise to start something if it were to some my way? Or does it seem like I need some more time to get over this?
Thanks, I dont really have anywhere else to vent like this. Some ideas would be greatly appreciated.
Ok. I had a conversation with him tonight. We talked about all sorts of stuff. I pretty much got it out in the open that I was worried about the true reasons behind the breakup, saying that it felt like he no longer wanted to be with me for personal reasons. He said that it was nothing personal at all, that he still has the feelings he had before, and he wishes we could still be together. Basically we broke up because of circumstance. Its so hard to see each other, he lives with his parents, i live with my grandfather, and neither one of us has our liscences or a car (yet, im working quickly on it, as is he.) Also, his parents were kinda pissed at him for seeing someone that lives over an hour away. Therefore they were very reluctant to give him a ride to see me. Then they refused to. He said that he really didnt know how to tell me all of this, thats why he sort of got distant- he needed to figure out how to tell me. He said he was very very sorry about everything, that he wishes deep within himself that we could still be together, and that once he can drive he hopes we will get back together.
I do feel better after talking to him about everything. I think that we can stay friends and develop a bond as friends, and if one day we are able to and want to get back together, then it will happen if its meant to. I just hope that I can hang on to this feeling and stop getting upset and depressed over the situation. We are trying to see each other on Sunday, just to spend some time together, maybe see a movie or something. He says he really misses seeing me, and i really miss him too. Havent seen him in a month. So im hoping everything goes ok, on Sunday and from here on out.
So, what do you guys think? Does this sound logical, or is there something weird going on? I have a good feeling right now, one that tells me everything is as seems. But perhaps an "outsider's" point of view could give me more insight.
Thanks for tolerating my blabbery
I think I already am an over-thinker, sometimes... LOL
I havent had any "good cries" about this one, yet. Just sad, lonely, confused ones. Yeah, stupid emotions!
Speaking of sleep... I think im gonna go try that now... see what happens.
Nighty night and thanks a bunch!
lol. That's generally what cries are.
Balls of mixed emotions, some of which you can't explain.
And you're welcome.
Thanks a bunch Tease. Yeah, I am gonna give it some time. It will be hard, but seriously, my eyes hurt from the crying, my head hurts from the thinking, my sleep is suffering (obviously), and it just gets harder everyday. Im gonna try to keep myself occupied with things i need to do to improve my own life, like school and finally learning to drive. I know, the slightly positive attitude I have right now doesnt always last... so itll be real hard. But, I dont really have a choice. The more I dwell, the more I think and analyze, the worse I will get.
You try to do the same thing. Keep yourself busy with things you enjoy, or at least know will have a good affect. I know, its tough to enjoy things when crap like this is going on. But trying is better than sitting there dwelling, right?
Don't be me and become an over thinker. lol.
That's my downfall. I think waaaaay too much. Sometimes the only way to keep myself from thinking is to sleep. I can't think when I'm asleep. lol.
I'm doing relatively better than I was.
I have my moments. I had a moment earlier today. I had a long one Monday night. Stupid song made me cry. lol.
But then I remember part of the song and it helps. It goes on about remembering the good times, the memories both good and bad, and even if it's all over, those memories will last, forever. And it sings about being glad you came my way.
Hella depressing, yes. But still good. And you know, it helps you get out the good cry you have built up inside of you.
Being a girl sucks sometimes. Stupid emotions. lol.
I think it's normal to feel what you're feeling.
You fell for him and you fell hard and that happens to everyone at different times.
You're trying to figure out what went wrong and will draw every conclusion in the book and will drive yourself mad doing it.
I've sat here and drove myself bonkers for a few weeks now trying to figure out why exactly his mood changed from about mid October to the beginning of November. Why did we suddenly go from "real soon" to "when the hell ever, if ever". It makes me feel like crap because it makes me feel as if I did something wrong and if I did, I sure can't figure it out and he's not gonna tell me.
Here is someone that was a good friend of mine that now seems he wants nothing to do with me most of the time and that right there makes me feel about the size of a pea.
So anyways, my first thought is you're just drawing conclusions because of how you felt for him.
The truth may be that he was just busy. People get busy and there's not always things you can do about that.
But as much of a not help I am, I will say again that it's up to you.
If you think there's something more to it, then try to figure out what it is.
But, just remember, the truth may already be what you know and it can also be what you don't want to know. You have to prepare yourself for both outcomes.
Thanks tease. I know an unbelievable amount of crazy things are running through my mind about this. Im thinking maybe i shouldnt talk to him much until my suspicions calm down a bit? I mean, if im wrong, i really do not want to hurt him and lose him because of it. This is really messing with me more than i thought it would. I mean, ive even cried over it. Granted, the wonderful yearly depression contributes to that, but he has been the trigger lately. Also a part of me is thinking of how at first he seemed too good to be true, like it was impossible that i actually found someone like him, that i fit so perfectly with. And now its.. over? its just so hard. I really hope i can straighten all this out soon.
Ok, this sucks. I'm feeling myself get more and more depressed every day. Its not all because of this situation, but it definitely hasnt helped. I am starting to feel like he never actually meant anything he said to me, that all he wanted from me was sex, which he got once. I just think its a strnage coincidence that we were able to talk a lot more often beforehand. Then after we had sex things sort of slowed down. There were suddenly days upon days when I wouldnt hear from him. Then he would call me or text me saying he lost his phone or was really really busy, apologizing. Of course I believed him, and a part of me still does. I wish I was wrong on this, because he was just perfect for me. My feelings for him were instant and so unbelievable. It felt like the best thing that had ever happened. Now Im feeling like it was never real, and that i was tricked. I hate to say it, because i never thought he would do that. He just seemed like such a great, nice guy, the type of guy I had always been lookling for. We seemed to have this connection that words cant describe. But now it seems like its all gone, like it was never really there in the first place. I feel like crap when i think about him and what ive lost. I just really do not know what to think. Should I try to get the truth out of him? Or should I just forget about him? If im right, I want to know so i can move on. If im wrong, i dont want to lose him completely. I really dont know what to do.
Sorry if this made no sense. I just really need some help.
Thanks Ashes. Well, I talked to him twice since the breakup, both via IM. The first time he had to go cause it was late and he needed to sleep, and I had to go to do a paper. So, needless to say, that conversation was rather short. The second time is actually happening right now. He had an appointment this morning for an injury to his leg, and I asked him how it went. I think he appreciated that I showed interest in how he is. I really do still care about him, and I want to make sure he knows this. We are talking about basic things like that.
And of course, when I do eventually date someone, I will not flaunt it in front of him. I will simply tell him that I am seeing someone, and leave it to that unless he wants to know more. And no, I will not let him dictate who I see.
I am really hoping that this works and we do become good friends. Whether or not we wind up back together is something I'm putting out of my ind for now. When I think of him, i try to forget about the romanticor sexual feelings I have for him. I simply try to think of him as a friend. Hopefully that will help.
Glad I'm more interesting than someone who sucks toes... LOL!
It's perfectly understandable that you still wanna be friends with him. Boyfriend or not, he remains the same person, with the same good things that made you appreciate his company. There's no reason to keep you from being friends again with him.
It's not easy not to think of him romantically simply because it's impossible to stop a good relationship and go back to friendship in a day. These things take time. If he's good and you guys stay friends, one day you'll say "Hey, remember back then when we dated ? " and you'll laugh because you'll remember it as a great experience that had to end one day (nothing lasts forever), not because your relationship cut off communications and left you losing a friend AND a boyfriend.
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As for dating, it's up to you but consider some things. Would he be jealous ? If you start dating someone else, don't go straight to your ex and go "hey see that's my new bf !", of course, he won't be feeling good.
I'd also say that he shouldn't dictate whether you should date or not another guy, that's yours to decide and only you.
Basically, date anyone you want anytime you want, just don't make a big show out it in front of him. I don't think you'd appreciate if he did something similar to you.
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Tease, you sure ex-lovers make the best friends ? I've seen more often ex-lovers make the best stalkers.
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Anyway ! Good luck Monie and don't feel bad for ranting, it's a nice change from having to read posts like "Can I get pregnant sucking my toes ?" or weird stuff like that.
Thanks Oberon. I am also glad that the breakup was not hell. But I am dissapointed that I didnt get to experience everything that I wanted to experience with him, things that as a friend I will not be able to experience on the same level. Yes, there is the hope there that we will be together again someday, but the bigger hope is that we can maintain and grow a deep friendship, at least. And no, I will not let this stop me from meeting new people and starting new relationships. But as far as a new relationship goes, I think I'll be holding off on that for a while, at least until I am in more control of my own life.
Again, thank you. It feels so good to get my thoughts and feelings out and get feedback. Thanks.
Monie, I'm sorry this didn't work out... but at least the break up was amiable. Mine tend to be World War III ( I go for those type A personalities that are usually trouble...lol). As Tease said, if you stay in touch, who knows? Maybe sometimes down the road you can get together again. Just don't let the possibility keep you from meeting new people. Spend time with your friends or go out and make new friends. Just have fun for a while. You're young... enjoy it!
Now that you're single again, take things to extremes, by forgetting him and getting yourself a woman next. You've always fantasized being with a woman, right?
Thanks guys. I do want to still be friends with him. We get along so well we can practically read each other's minds. It would be a waste if we weren't at least friends. Its just hard to know when to send that text message, when to make the phone call, ect. I guess I'll just know. Something is telling me that there really is a connection between the two of us, and we can and will develop a strong relationship, whether it is a friendship or a romantic one later on. I'm trying not to think about him in romantic ways, but its just hard.
[QUOTE=Quote ]
Now that you're single again, take things to extremes, by forgetting him and getting yourself a woman next. You've always fantasized being with a woman, right? [/QUOTE]
He he he. Well, I'm not gonna forget about him, but who knows, I may go for a woman next time. That would be pretty awesome...
Any more ideas would really be appreciated, thanks again.
Generally, ex-lovers make the best friends.
They obviously, at one point in time, cared enough about you to pursue it further and so they will have the tendancy to always know you a little bit better than someone else who is just a friend.
I think you should still continue to talk to him.
Perhaps...not as much at first, but don't shut him out. You obviously both want to stay friends and I don't think you should shut that idea out.
And who knows, 5 years down the road you may still have feelings for each other and try to give it another shot.
As for the dating thing..well, that's up to you.
If you're ready to go find someone new, then you should. If you think it's too soon, then don't.
Honestly, I feel you.
Even though me and my guy could never be, it amazed me that I found someone who wasn't some kind of psychotic stalkery weirdo. Or rather I should say, he found me. He made the first move, not me. I'd still be watching him from the sideline if I had to make the first move.
While I was shy around him the first couple of weeks, when the attraction was admitted, we just kinda cliqued.
I have a great deal in common with him and I normally don't have a lot in common with people. I probably have more stuff in common with him that neither him nor I know about.
But here I am, seeming to be losing a great friend of mine over something I'm not sure about.
And it's not eating me up that it's probably over so to speak...although I do wish for that one last time. It's eating me up cause I seem to be losing my friend, even if I know deep down that if I really needed him for something, he would be there.
So I'm giving him a bit of a break right now. I'm trying to let things just happen, even if there are times I want to curl up in a ball and cry.
I'd suggest the same thing for you. Just give it a bit of time and work from there. But I also know that that's a lot easier said than done.