I'm with you ravishing. I had that fight in my own marriage years ago and finally had to play hard ball to get some respect on this issue. I shoudn't have had to repeatedly defend my body and position with someone who'se supposed to love me as Christ loves his church to begin with. I'm not responsible for the expectations my partner forms from the glorified prostitutes he sees in porn, peddleing their flesh for money. If what I want to share for mutual pleasure isn't adaquate, he's free to leave and find himself a squeeling pig. I could care less what other people do with their bodies and with their partners and if one is inclined to allow a man to abuse and exploit them, the animal will do what he's allowed. If your partner can't or won't accept and prespect your boundaries, wants his own pleasure at the potential expense of your health and well being, then he's not much of a man and he's not someone that I'd waste too much time and energy on, just move on.
My daughter will be 24 this year and she says that all guys are asking for and expecting anal these days. I'm sure that the prevalence of anal sex in porn as well as all of the anal sex guru's telling everyone how to do it more safely has allot to do with it. My opinion is that missery loves company and my theory is that women seek to please their partners allot more than their partners try to please them and it's another way popular culture violates and objectifies women.
I'm more than a side of beef and the sum of my orifices and even though I'm married and in the biblical sence I belong to my husband, my husband also (bibically ) belongs to me and I don't want my penis that's attached to his torso to penetrate the anus that's between my gluteus maximus and minimus. What part of "NO" don't you understand? I married a man with some expectation that he's coherant and understands basic language. Even two year olds know what "NO" means and just like most two years old toddlers, men have to test every limit and don't believe that "NO" applies to them. You've got to train your partner and if he can't be trained to be respectful, then why do you want him?

First, I shall say that I have never accepted anal penetration but do enjoy anal play, especially rimming.

Now, let's try to figure this out. From a woman's perspective, a male orgasm is a male orgasm with all of them about the same. How boring. We women experience all sorts of response from earth shattering to a simple sigh and each one is a little different. Some of them are dramatically different from most others. This is physiologically true as well as psychologically. We make more of the closeness and process rather than the male focus on "putting it in there."

Men are almost pleading for something different to get there even though "getting there" is, physiologically, the same as every other time. Enter porn and mass communication which generates all sorts of ideas that become expectations for many (young) men. Ergo, the "demand" for anal sex. That does not mean that we need comply. We each (men, too) have our limits and those limits must be respected. Some women enjoy anal. Good for them and may they enjoy! (see my other rants on dangers of anal) Others cannot even think of oral and some will not risk getting an accidental discharge on their [whatever].

I am, naturally, on the side of the first two posters in this thread. I also make certain that things are varied enough to keep "him" pleased - and thinking he is a great lover.

I believe is Sex is for enjoyment. We dont get enjoyment by touching our own body but our body gets excited just by the thought of being touched by a person of opposite sex.
So , I believe that sex impulse comes from mind. So , if you are mentally in better contact with your partner, you will definetly enjoy more.
Girls enjoy sex in when something touches her vagina. Be it finger , tongue or cock or a toy. I never enjoy doing oral sex. There is nothing to get excited in oral sex. But in postions like 69 where you are reciprocated by you partner, its enjoyable.
But, I think anal sex originated from Homosexuals who did not fine any girl to enjoy. So they enjoyed the hole most easily available and that is the anal opening. And , I believe or feel that only males enjoy giving it. It is one sided. The receiver male or female hardly enjoys except he mentally tries to do so.
Anal is rather very dirty. We have nice vaginal opening, nice mouth to stimulate the cock, then why the need to make the cock dirty with that shit of anal opening.
Boys should know that this porns are just to make money. In most cases , prostitutes are forced to do such things which normally no normal women would do to their husbands. eg Licking a ass hole.
And that comment of that person comparing our mouth with ass is humilating. Such person has no respect for their partner who is sharing her love and emotions.
I am strictly against any sort of anal sex. It is animalistic.

You areoff base, sania. It is generally believed that heterosexual anal sex became common as a birth controlo measure thouswands of years ago. There are surviving tribes whose oral history indicates this. There are various religions who condemn premarital vaginal sex and anal has become away around this taboo.

OK, sex comes from mind. That makes the strength of your comments a bit bigoted. We all know people who regularly engage in anal sex, whether or not we are aware of it. That is their choice. I prefer women as lovers and have been similarly judged. But that is my choice.

The original post by ravishing is condemning the seeming ubiquitness of the pressure for anal sex not those who willingly perform same.

[QUOTE=LustyLisa;254948]You've got to train your partner and if he can't be trained to be respectful, then why do you want him?[/QUOTE]

Respect is not an area that one should be training their partner in. If they do not respect one's boundaries, then they should not be one's partner. The training in this case should simply be "Goodbye....because of a lack of respect."

If the issue arises in a relationship - it should be easy to maturely communicate about boundaries. I'd imagine this issue could easily be avoided entirely the vast majority of the time by saying "Sure, but you first."

If it's simply a sex partner - what good is a sex partner who causes problems in the sack? Kick them to the curb and find a new one.

I'd like to point out that there are women who do enjoy anal sex.

I don't enjoy it all the time, but every now and again I want to play with anal (as I do get a different kind of orgasm from it).

What I don't enjoy is being pressured to do it, I find that if I feel pressured, it takes away any feelings of want I may have had.

[QUOTE=ravishing;255000]A woman can't shove her vagina down a man's throat to make him gag. How is facefucking 69 equal? I'm not arguing with you, I'm just confused. It's physically impossible for a woman to facefuck a man, isn't it?[/QUOTE]

I disagree. There have been times where I sat on my partner's face (not with all my weight, mind you...that would just be uncomfortable) and rubbed myself accross his lips/chin until I came. It is possible to do it.

[QUOTE=Brandye;254949]First, I shall say that I have never accepted anal penetration but do enjoy anal play, especially rimming.

Now, let's try to figure this out. From a woman's perspective, a male orgasm is a male orgasm with all of them about the same. How boring. We women experience all sorts of response from earth shattering to a simple sigh and each one is a little different. Some of them are dramatically different from most others. This is physiologically true as well as psychologically. We make more of the closeness and process rather than the male focus on "putting it in there."

Men are almost pleading for something different to get there even though "getting there" is, physiologically, the same as every other time. Enter porn and mass communication which generates all sorts of ideas that become expectations for many (young) men. Ergo, the "demand" for anal sex. That does not mean that we need comply. We each (men, too) have our limits and those limits must be respected. Some women enjoy anal. Good for them and may they enjoy! (see my other rants on dangers of anal) Others cannot even think of oral and some will not risk getting an accidental discharge on their [whatever].

I am, naturally, on the side of the first two posters in this thread. I also make certain that things are varied enough to keep "him" pleased - and thinking he is a great lover.[/QUOTE]

My wife and I discussed this post last night. I initially agreed that all climaxes for men are the same. My wife pointed out they are actually different. If we have a busy week and we go without a climax I gush and have almost a seizure of pleasure. There are other times when we have a quicky and it just a release. If we enter some candles and mood I get a hold different type of climax.

I would agree that some hard core porn puts a visual excitement in my head. I understand it is a fantasy but I also realize that the respect is important when you experiment with your partner.

If you let him use your throat like that he’ll either love you to death and worship your body afterward, or he’ll start disrespecting you because you let him use your mouth as if you were a whore.

If he is forcing on you then your first option of love you to death is applicable.
If he enjoys you and feels that you give him this pleasure because you love him then he would also worship your body afterwards
But there are chances of him taking for granted that it is his proragative or right to fuck your face as whore. This can happen. he may leave you if you dont do it later.

So I prefer 69 way. Give it and take it.

This thread has become so full of opinion presented as fact, and vulgar in the statements of disgust that I am sorry I ever posted in it.

Hopefully anyone reading it will see it as someone (or two) venting with no basis in reality but a lot of basis in other sites treating sex "information" quite differently from here.

[QUOTE=ravishing;254998]Just the fact that it is a fantasy to you that you would like to try and enjoy puts pressure on your partner. She's going to be thinking, "Am I not satisfying him? Can I live with not satisfying him? Will he get what he wants somewhere else because I don't want to?" Of course it is still possible to be respectful while unintentionally pressuring a person. Sorry if that's uncomfortable to hear, and unfair, but it's true. This is the biggest reason why you hear about the few women who actually do suggest anal. I don't know why men (in general, not you) turn the other cheek to this when it's common knowledge that almost every woman has at least once faked an orgasm so she doesn't disappoint her partner. Women pick up on things even if you don't directly say them.[/QUOTE]

Like women dont have fantasies that make men insecure? Puhlease

See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want to do is shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit! - Team America

LOL! Best movie line ever.

[QUOTE=DirtDriver;255082]See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want to do is shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit! - Team America

LOL! Best movie line ever.[/QUOTE]

He ha ha........... If the enjoyer and enjoyed are happy. why are we so worried isn't it ? So common cheers.
Sania

In nine years, I have not seen a thread become this gross - not in content, discussed many times, but in expression. There is usally a warning and I hope one is coming. This has a way of catching on and then the Board becomes another teen boy gross out site.

Our purpose, or at least my purpose in being here, is to help inform and, even, educate. We can have fun along the way and, with the subject matter, no one had better be a prude. Gratuitous gross is not appropriate.

It's the treatment of the topic in the same manner and with a similar mindset as the sources of media with which the thread claims to be frustrated.

[QUOTE=Brandye;255098]In nine years, I have not seen a thread become this gross - not in content, discussed many times, but in expression. There is usally a warning and I hope one is coming. This has a way of catching on and then the Board becomes another teen boy gross out site.

Our purpose, or at least my purpose in being here, is to help inform and, even, educate. We can have fun along the way and, with the subject matter, no one had better be a prude. Gratuitous gross is not appropriate.[/QUOTE]

Brandye is absolutely right ... posts can be as explicit as necessary to make a point, and we are very liberal in what can be discussed here. However, gratuitous crudity is not acceptable and should be taken elsewhere! Let's get back on track with appropriate posts please everyone...

Do not make this about you, ravishing; read the entire thread. You opened with a perfectly valid issue and then it went south. The few perspicacious statements that were offered have been ignored as the conversation veered into the dirt. You are certainly not responsible for what is about as gross and inappropriate as anything I have seen posted on this Board.

I was referring to the pattern of an issue being brought up for discussion followed by quick generalizations heavily influenced by personal vendettas . These were followed by more fallacies lumping the issue into a men vs women argument, complete with juvenile crudeness interwoven into the superficial opinions treated as facts mess of a discussion - a situation which I believe aptly describes the treatment of topics by the sources of media and immature groups with which you had the problem with in the first place.

[QUOTE=ravishing;254941]How many women on here are just sick of hearing about it? Sick of the pressure to do it by men and the media? Men who the majority of the time wouldn't even consider having it done to them...or men who otherwise wouldn't even be interested if it wasn't for watching so much porn? Vent and rant here.

I recently saw a forum post (not here) where a guy said something to the effect of, "You(women) wouldn't go without oral sex would you? It's not fair to make us go without anal sex!" and my head nearly exploded. How is a woman receiving oral sex equivalent to anal sex? Would it not be equivalent to a man receiving oral sex? Does that mean a woman doesn't have to give him oral if she lets him do anal? For some crazy reason, I don't think he is thinking that way. Why is sex so uneven between genders?

Things that many women don't express the desire to do but are very commonly asked: Cumming in the mouth, swallowing, facials, deep throat, throatfucking/facefucking, anal.

The most "uncomfortable" thing a man is commonly asked to do is perform oral sex. Since women are expected to perform oral sex as well, we might as well not count it...:rolleyes:[/QUOTE]

To get back to the original question: I do think that sometimes women are being pressured, which is not ok... But you know: men and the media also gives you ideas! I didn't even think about anal masturbation until my bf mentioned it once and I started looking for some info on the internet; tried it in privacy and loved it :o.

For me, personally, when someone is patient with me (sexually or anything else that's personal or intimate), it makes me more open to ideas. If he'd be pushy about it; I would have started screaming: no, no, no! Just to keep control over the situation and to not give false hope that a 'maybe' will flower into a 'yes'. Whereas when someone just gives me advice or tips, let's me think about in my own time, I might like the idea after all :)

So I guess the important thing is accepting your partners limits, whether it be oral or anal, male or female. And if I let him pleasure my anus and he likes doing that for me, it does not mean I have to do this or he has to try it. Same goes for oral or anything else! It's just about considering whatever is to your liking. I do reckon that sexual preferences can be too diverse, but that's just another difficult question... Basic principle: respect! :)

Personally, if he wants me to do whatever then he had damn well better be willing to do whatever too.

FAIR is FAIR

So, guys, be careful what you wish for.

Mine wants anal, and receives anal.

I keep reading a lot of this quote: FAIR is FAIR. Which got me thinking.... Is it ever really 'fair'?

First of all; though we are equal, men and women are physically different. He will never know the pleasure of having my sex-organ inside his body. I will never have the pleasure of putting a part of me as sensitive as a penis inside him. When I give him oral pleasure I'm not confronted with bodily fluids unless I choose to keep going until he comes, whereas he is confronted with my juices from lick nr 1. And even the anus isn't physically the same, as men do have a prostate to stimulate from there. Etcetra... (off course this is only a valid argument from a hetero-sexual point of view; the rest of this post will count for homosexuals as well)

Secondly; there are not only general biological facts, think about individual differences of the body which would make certain things unwanted, impractical, painful or impossible. Example: ever heard of (chronic) inflammation of the rectum (proctitis)? Well that will stop you from anal pleasuring!

Thirdly all individuals have different needs. Different erogenous zones that are most sensitive to pleasuring and require different ways of stimulation to achieve pleasure (and remember: pleasure is in the mind for a great deal of it!). If I like my anus rubbed and even fingered, does it mean I won't get it until he is able to 'take' the same from me?! That would mean denying my own needs! So much for 'fair'...

Fourthly, all individuals have different boundaries to their comfort zones. Everyone has the right to say 'no' whether it concerns pleasing or being pleased. And yes: choices do have an effect on the other. Your partner is allowed to draw certain conclusions from it: He won't give me oral, so I won't give him oral. She won't give me anal, so I won't give her oral. He won't give me sex in the evening, so I won't iron his shirt and pack him lunch in the morning. Etcetera. But this is not about being 'fair', this is about trade and about making a point: this pleasure is as much important to me as that pleasure is to you! And perhaps: pleasuring you costs me the same amount of effort as it would cost you if pleasuring me. And because you are unable to make an effort, I won't either...

This 'game' of ensuring the giving/taking sometimes works, sometimes it won't. After all: isn't a relationship primarily about lovingly taking care of eachother's needs? Basic principle: RESPECT eachother's needs and boundaries! Try to talk about things (or for starters: think about it); how does it really feel to the other person? Are you really asking the same effort? Why doesn't (s)he want to perform or receive it? And when it becomes too diverse, off course you are free to draw your conclusions and even draw the line. However fair it may feel to you, as unfair this may seem to your (ex)partner...

FAIR is FOUL and FOUL is FAIR

FAIR is FAIR???
Let's ban this phrase to the land of FAIRYTALES!

Dear Ravishing,
Actually, I think my point is quite the same as yours :)

It is exactly my point that trading isn't 'fair'. It's just what people sometimes do or suggest on this forum in order to make their point, to set boundaries and to make a relationship work on supposed 'equal terms'. So yes; starting to compare apples and pears. And mind you: what oral sex is to you, may be not the same thing as oral sex is to another. So that can count as apples and pears as well! That does not make it 'right' or 'fair'. But it could seem 'fair' to one person, though it isn't to another... My other point is that choices do lead to other choices. The way you throw a ball partly determines how the other is able to catch it and through it back at you. You could run out sync. Quitting the game is not wrong, but it also does not make it 'fair' to the other (who perhaps wanted to continue the relationship and didn't think anything was wrong...)

Personally: I would be furious if my bf would try to make ANY of the above trades! Like you say: sex should be a feast of mutual enjoyment :) To me: a relationship is primarily about lovingly taking care of each other's needs. Both waking up each morning, thinking: what could I do to make him/her a happy person today? I'm no saint, but I try to do this. It's no: 'Quid-pro-quo' Not sexually, not on anything! So: I do not need to finger his ass, in order to let him do mine :) Like he never asked me to please him orally, even though he did do that for me. I started doing that months later and he simply smiled and started to give me compliments on what I was doing. He loved it, but wouldn't have loved me less if I hadn't done this. There is no trade; it's simply that I try to please him and he tries to please me (and we seem to succeed both :))

And maybe 'needs' is the wrong choice of words.. Sorry, I'm not always the most accurate when it comes to English. Yes, sex is not a thing you need because you'd die without it, it's not a life-supporting 'need'. (maybe species ensuring, but that's a long way!) I mean it more like: something you'd require to make your life pleasurable. Is there a better word for it? Please enlighten me.

Does this clarify my post to you? My point was really about people calling things 'fair' whereas I think it should not be called 'fair' at all...

Red Roses- Nonsense!

Fair is fair is viable - as in

If you can't take it, then do not dish it out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah men are bigger and they put it in while women take it in - BFD - men are just as emotionally vulnerable as women are - they are HUMAN BEINGS FIRST, men second. Men get lonely, men get scared, men get depressed, men get abused, men get abandoned, men walk around smiling even as they fight against the blighting of their most ardent dreams and desires so they appear less vulnerable than they are. As for physical differences, strength, et al - Mssr.s Smith & Wesson, Colt, and Remington have more than one answer for that. So enough with the little old sweet tender me stuff.

I am an adult, usually well-mannered, and I expect others to behave as adults also usually well-mannered. Being an adult mean considering consequences, behaving in a way that earns respect, and being true to one's self - part of which involves NOT asking others to do what you yourself would NOT want to do or want to have done to yourself. The ONLY reason, my husband swings the axe is because he's much better at it than I am - I know this, I've tried it and failed - not because he's male and swinging an axe is a "man's job". (But a chain saw? - now there we'd be talking!) We divide the work based upon who's better at it not upon gender.

I am a dominatrix who does NOT beat, humiliate or abuse men precisely because I myself will not accept being beaten, humiliated or abused.

I respect his boundaries as I expect him to respect mine and if respecting my boundaries means he's 'deprived' of a particular sex act - oh well - he's free to go find someone who will do that for/with him. It remains his decision whether that sex act is more important to him than being with me. If he leaves then I get to suck that up just as if he stays and remains 'deprived' he'll have to suck that up.

Sex is not a "partner A versus Partner B" situation but is instead what BOTH Partners enjoy together. SHARING fairly instead of 'taking/receiving'.

Fair is fair is based upon our mutual humanity regardless of gender or of preferences.

And yes - Sex should always be fair.

Stop quoting Shakespeare's "MacBeth" as it is not germane. A great play but quite beside the point.

FAIR is FAIR is a meaningless one-liner of which I see more and more on this forum.
I'm sick of reading such one-liners, cause mind you: it could be a justification to anything!
This is what my post points out! It's exactly the way of justification used by some men who think they can demand anal, as mentioned in Ravishing's first post: [COLOR="RoyalBlue">"You(women) wouldn't go without oral sex would you? It's not fair to make us go without anal sex!" [/COLOR]
So don't use 'fair is fair' as a simple one-liner! It needs some clarification to make it meaningful.

I'm not saying everyone who uses such one-liners is giving the same meaning, on the contrary. So be careful! EEK, your last post does clearly testify of how you do give meaning to this phrase. Thank you. This makes my post worthy of posting (confusing as it perhaps may be; sorry for that). And EEK, for clarification-sake: I agree with your opinion: men and women are both as human as can be! :) I was merely pointing out to biological differences, nothing more or less.

Still, I do not agree on the opinion that someone should first try themselves before suggesting to your partner. For the exact reason: "[COLOR="RoyalBlue">Sex is not a "partner A versus Partner B" situation but is instead what BOTH Partners enjoy together.[/COLOR]" So why shouldn't I or any (wo)man want to receive something, which the partner wants to perform? If that's what we both like and enjoy together? Why ask your partner to try it themselves? If you're offered a suggestion, there are 2 options (which you may think about as long as you'd like ;)):
1) If you don't want it, that equals: no.
2) If you do, that equals: yes.
And if he'd be willing to try it himself. Well, just have fun! That doesn't change it to you, does it? So why demand it?

There is no comparison between oral and anal which a man asking for anal would instantly understand if it were he receiving the anal. Rather than "Fair is fair" being something that men might use to justify withholding oral from her when she refuses anal - "fair is fair" is used to explain her refusal to permit anal. Show your lovely strap-on and say "you first, buddy".

Now if she wishes to participate, that's her business and beside the point here as we are dealing with those who do not want anything to do with anal sex. You've heard them "How can I talk my girlfriend into giving me anal sex?" and so on, usually after he's asked and she's said no. The subject has been done to death.

Let's look closer to home for a moment. You said that your lover never asked for oral from you even while he gave you oral. You decided on your own to give him oral. Why? Because you felt impelled to do so because "fair is fair".

(The likelihood of him asking to receive anal from you however is slim as research has shown that the average heterosexual male brain lights up in a panic response to the idea of receiving anal sex. MRI scans on various people while being shown videos of various people doing various sex acts.)

Humans are born with a basic moral blueprint containing 5 specific items and one of those items is Fairness. (see the video lecture at [url=http://www.ted.com]TED: Ideas worth spreading) The concept is easily understandable when it comes to slicing cakes but less so in more complex situations. I use the expression usually as a part of a complete explanation.

The point is to get people to think as the other person thinks. "How would you feel if it were you being pressured to...?" "If you wouldn't enjoy it then why do you think he/she would?" "How would you feel about someone who constantly pushed/badgered/demanded from you what you do not want to do?" Having very recently been with such a man, I can tell you that my right fist itched to break his jaw for him.

His cry was "Why won't you let me do what I want?" My answer was "It isn't what I want." No, having 15 men ejaculate onto my breasts (he had other requests as well) while you watch is not something that interests me. Further sex with this man is not going to happen. At least not until after he's enjoyed having 15 men ejaculate onto his breasts.

Fair being fair.

Why demand it? Because some men think "oooh that's kinky" or cool or whatever and STOPS THINKING. Some men need thier brains jump-started again and given a new perspective on that particular topic so they understand their partner's reasons. That's why.

Thank you for your elaborate explanation, very much appreciated! :)
[Quote]The point is to get people to think as the other person thinks. [/quote]
I'd say that completely justifies any one-liner to me! That really is the most important thing! What a horrible man you were dating, EEK! Glad it's not a necessity to jump-start the brain on any guy (or girl).

And you're right: this thread was about the girls that say 'no' and guys that remain pushing. I must admit I considered it 'fair' to give him oral and was even more powered by my inexplicable urge to please him. He hadn't been pushing me and there are guys who should really learn that. Quit crying: but that's not faaaaaair!, like some angry toddler. Just wait, be patient and be kind to your partner. In my case; his attitude made giving oral to him very rewarding, also to myself. Him being patient, makes me open to ideas I had never thought I'd be positive about :o O, and no: he will not be asking to receive anal, but it's for the simple reason he is physically incapable of receiving. Although he probably would have experimented in the past, had he known it could be pleasurable to him. Well, that's too late now and his loss ;)

I'd just want to say to everyone that they shouldn't be pushed into doing anything! And even though I'm no expert on saying 'no' and I know it's hard: only do whatever you like and don't reward impatient behavior. And if you'd need to jumpstart something, like EEK suggest, I guess that's by any means necessary ;)

Medical condition and yes: that hurts! He has lost a significant part of his bowels because of chronic inflammation. If that last part (rectum?) gets too infected and needs to be removed as well; it means a risky operation that could leave him paralyzed... So his anus is only an entrance to the necessary medication. Perhaps I could stimulate the outside rimming, but he doesn't want that, also because he's afraid I could get traces of the medication inside my body. So we just decided to leave that part of his body alone :) O, and to me; it doesn't hurt at all, it feels good! :o I need to be in the mood, though. And as we don't have sex often, because he is too tired, him anal fingering me happens only once a year or so... I wouldn't know if I'd ever try to have anal intercourse... we'll see... At least my man won't get me drunk, do something foolish and get me hurt like the poor wife in the other post!

No, this wasn't a man I was dating. The host of a party which explains why I didn't do him physical harm. His wife is a very nice lady and a good friend of mine so it is likely there will be more parties but I'm not getting with him ever again and this is ok.

Because the rule is: No means No.

furthermore: the person saying No does not have to justify his/her decision.

[Quote]personally, i think men want anal because they want their women to scream in pain. it makes them feel like they have power over something in their lives, something they can dominate and abuse and bully without repercussions.

i tried to explain to boyfriend how it would hurt him if someone did that to him, but he only laughs and says, 'that would never happen....i'm a man. men aren't made for receiving anal sex, only giving anal sex.".[/quote]

O, dear Alice... what are you doing to yourself? This is NOT the way ANY men should be treating his lady...
I'd say you should find yourself a loving and understanding man (yes, they do exists, certainly: not all men are like the way you describe! I'd even like to say: most men are not. Though I'd lack the experience to prove it ;))

Alice - your male is WRONG when he says "i'm a man. men aren't made for receiving anal sex, only giving anal sex.".

Oh, YES they are!

Proof: ONLY men have a P-Spot.

You've gotten hold of a total jerk, girl - best kick that idiot to the curb.

LOL - like they'd know?

[QUOTE=ravishing;256349]There's something strange I hear often. Men saying, "Doing anal for the first time hurts, like losing your vaginal virginity. Then it gets better!" There is no hymen in the rectum, so I'm a little confused as to what logic is used for this kind of statement...[/QUOTE]

It's another one of their coercive plows to get you to submit! I do agree that initial, first time vaginal sex isn't always the most comfortable and pleasant for many females. But, that doesn't give any man the authority or basis to apply that to anal sex, at least not for my anus.

Next time a guy tells you that ask him, "How many times did it take for you to be penetrated anally before it got better?!" You can also make it clear that anal penetration goes both ways since he's got one too! If he's not willing to take it up the poop chute, why should he expect you.

I wouldn't know, dear Ravishing... Really, my stomach turns upside-down whenever I read a story such as Alice's. This is a person close to her, probably claims to love her and than he does this to the poor woman... It's not as much about the anal thing, it could have been anything he would force upon her without any sense of compassion, no ability to see her point of view or have a bit of understanding for whatever she's feeling. So sad...

But I don't think it's right to write: 'a lot of men'. I still believe that this is a small group of inconsiderate bastards, but the majority are respectful men. Or am I really that naive?

I think if the guy actually liked u or had intrest in you he would back off and please you instead of himself!

[QUOTE=ravishing;256349]There's something strange I hear often. Men saying, "Doing anal for the first time hurts, like losing your vaginal virginity. Then it gets better!" There is no hymen in the rectum, so I'm a little confused as to what logic is used for this kind of statement...[/QUOTE]
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Penetration of any kind by any means will be painful when done incorrectly.[/COLOR]

No RedRoses you are correct. Most men are grateful just for a woman to notice their existence and few will risk losing a willing woman by pressuring her to do anything she does not wish to do. They may leave her for someone who will permit it but they won't 'push' her, personally, to engage in something she objects to.