My GF and I broke up two weeks ago. We have since gotten back together. Over the course of that two weeks we remained friends and continued to hang out. We had been together for a little more than a year.
After breaking up I started to talk to a girl I used to be friends with. We weren't going anywhere just talking. My GF at the time ex, came over and started to talk about starting our relationship again. I said Yes. Later she saw all the text messages and blew up on me. Ultimately I calmed her, later to find out she had met someone and he told me they had hung out and made out, and he gave her a hickie. I told her we weren't dating so I can't be mad.
She still had plans to hang out with this kid, and I told her she needs to tell him we are back together. SHe was hesitant, but did... Well, apprently she developed feelings for someone she knew less then 24hrs. She left upset and with me confused. Later she cleared everything up and said they weren't going to hang out and she does want to be with me...
Last, night she tells me that she had unprotected sex with him... She didn't even know him. She felt like she had to tell me. I wish she didnt'. I keep telling myself we werent together so I cant worry about it.
It is bothering me though. I was the first person she had been with, and she was my first.
Sorry for the lengthy post, I just wanted to get it off my chest more than anything. How can I get this off my mind? Its hard.
Wed, 11/25/2009 - 19:08
#1
Shouldnt be bothering me...
This should be bothering you>>>>
UNPROTECTED SEX with a stranger.. is she out of her mind, she has put you
and herself in danger of STD's etc
you both need to get some tests, immediately .. until she is cleared you need to be careful...
You're right.
I will have tests. I'm very clean and safe, and my health is my #1 priority. As well as others.
Besides, all of this shouldn't be bothering me should it? Would this bother anyone else?
The only thing that should bother you is the lack of condom... In fact you should feel pissed off about her stupidity...
> I will have tests. I'm very clean and safe, and my health is my #1 priority. As well as others.
Immediately! if not sooner. It is important for all of us to understand that when we have sex with another person we also have sex with every other person s/he has been intimate with--AND every person these people have and on and on.
> She didn't even know him. She felt like she had to tell me. I wish she didnt'.
Yes, I know; however, have you asked yourself why she told you? Was it out of concern for your future well being, or, to undermine your renewed relationship with her?
As for the rest of the drama, this is what people regularly encounter when they decide to date exclusively. All this trauma you are suffering could be eliminated now and with any future girlfriends if you just date casually.
I recommend you read the articles listed in the Index about dating and how-to, along with knowing the purpose for dating.
Exclusive relationships should not be entered into until a person is ready to settle down with someone. Until such time, date openly, date one or more people at at time, and use three forms of protection.
I do feel pissed that she didn't use protection.
She feels guilty about little things very easily. I believe she told me because of the way she acted over the messages, and possibly to just be open and not be hiding anything.
What really makes me mad is how she used to always emphasize that she isn't the type of person to do what she did.
YOU'RE DATING.
YOU ARE NOT MARRIED- SO THERE IS NO CHEATING.
NO VOWS = NO CHEATING
That being said - you can understand why you have no rights over what she does when she's not with you. She is obligated to tell you about the unprotected sex since that will directly impact your health but you cannot call on her having sex with this guy. The unprotected is the issue, not the sex.
The rest of the dramatics are the result of feminine insecurity and may be handled by exasperating/amusing her. For example: the messages - "She told me she loved me but it was all a lie. I feel so wounded! Hold me?" - ham it up to the max. You want the girlfriend to be laughing so hard she needs a bath towel to wipe her eyes.
Stop being angry; it is clouding your judgment.
First off, sorry for your situation. I went through the same thing recently, she broke up with me then told me she'd fucked some guy she barely knows. It's really painful. But just know that if you're feeling emotionally distressed, you'll get over it soon. The best thing to do is just let her go and try to get on fine and stop talking to her as much.
It shouldn't bother you, but it will. It's as simple as that.
My partner and I were non-exclusive friends with benefits, although I didn't sleep with anyone else (male, anyways). He slept with a few others, but told me about them as requested.
I didn't get mad, as we weren't officially together, nor were we moving towards it at the time, but it still bothered me very much, to the point of being hurt a little. I got over it, as I realized that there was nothing I could do about it, and that he had honoured our agreement by telling me about them.
If you weren't together, then it's not your worry. Get tested and move on, eventually it will be ok in your head. We're now a very happy loving couple, and I have no regrets or doubts, if she is right for you, you'll be the same one day.
People - you have to understand that you're special because you are you - not because someone is just "with" you and you alone.
I have just scanned through your message and I get the jist of it.
I thinks she blew up on you because of her own guilt. Get some tests done because there are STDs that are symptomless!
No it wasn't guilt that made her explode - it was the realization that this guy she discovered might be the best for her - was just another guy needing appeasement.