Dear aerospace,
You know, the fact your gf is playing with herself, means nothing more than that she is enjoying her body. And that's really just beautiful! :) She may also be learning and discovering about how her body reacts. I'd assume that's the case, since you mention how she wants to experiment. That all is actually a good thing! Since there are quite a few among us who do not play with ourselves and that's such a shame, cause how will you get to know your body if you don't? :( You should be proud of having a girl who's in touch with her sexuality!

I understand how you could feel inferior, but if I were you I wouldn't worry. Cause having sex is pretty different from masturbating. Sex is so much more than just physical stimulation. It has so much more dynamics to it, not to mention emotion and connection. And masturbating could help you on having sex in a physical more rewarding way by learning how to "take" your orgasm. Do you masturbate, btw? Cause having sex does not mean giving up masturbation. There's nothing wrong with pleasing yourself (some say this way of self-loving is even strengthening for you as a person).

You say that you're not able to give her "release"? Did she tell you? Or do you assume? Perhaps you could find out what that means exactly... Did you two talk about all this yet? It seems like you have, but just checking. Communication is the key in your relationship, in a respectful and loving way off course. And you should also remember this great quote of one of the advisers on this forum, DancingDoc2 (and I hope he doesn't mind me quoting it for him ;)): "making love is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other in partnership."

You could ask her to perhaps masturbate together. So that you could get a hint of what she's doing to please herself. Perhaps ask her to give you instructions? There's nothing wrong about learning. Most of us are not telekinetic, so unless you are, you need hints and instructions. There is always room for learning and improvement. This process continues, even if you're in a years-long relationship.

Hope this helps. And welcome! I'd like to point out the Index to you. There you will find a lot of great articles. It's actually the place to start your journey on this forum (and also a good place to return once lost :)) http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/index-sexinfo101-board-topics/

Most people masturbate whether or not they have a sex partner. Get over it.

And for those of us unable to get a partner, it is the only and last resort. Try not to worry. I reckon you are very lucky!

[QUOTE=aerospace;259097][COLOR="blue">Me and my gf have been going out for about 10 months. She has constantly told me I please her extremly well and that she loves sex with me. But yet she still masturbates from time to time.[/COLOR]

"But..." means forget everything I said before; this is what I actually mean....

The problem with "what I said before" is that you have just told us that you do not believe the truthfulness of her statement that you please her "extremely well."**

So what if she masturbates? How many times do you masturbate each day or two?

[COLOR="blue">I've tried getting over it but something about it makes me feel inferior and like I'm not good enough no matter what she says.[/COLOR]

What I find interesting about your situation is the so called role reversal, meaning that it is the woman who is reporting that she feels inadequate, disappointed, and, at a loss to understand how she and her man can make love, have a jolly good time, and then she discovers that he is masturbating an hour or two later--if even that long! When this is discovered, the woman generally feels inadequate and threatened when in fact nothing is further from the truth.

[COLOR="blue">So I guess the question is that, is my feeling of inferiority justified or am I being over paranoid? Also if im being over paranoid, how can I better accept whats going on? and getting over the sinking feeling I get every time I hear that she masterbates?[/COLOR]

Males of the species enjoy orgasms for these reasons:
R#1-- to release and eliminate sexual tension
R#2-- as an outward expression of the love he has for his partner
R#3-- because they feel "oh, so good!"

Orgasms are orgasms; why then can't it be the same for a woman? For guys who masturbate one or more times a day, the question should be "why", not, that I failed as a loving partner. For guys, sexual tension can build to the maximum every few hours, not just every few days. It should not matter how that release is obtained, just that one or more of the reasons why has to be met. Making love and enjoying an orgasm is totally different than needing to climax in order to release pent up sexual tension. Wanting to enjoy those good sensations for the simple pleasure of it all is sometimes handled more expediently and simply by masturbating than by asking your partner to participate which might take longer. The point is, it doesn't matter.

** As I see it, the fundamental problem is not that she masturbates in between your love making sessions, or that you do, it is with the matter of trust and in not believing what she tells you. This lack of believing what is told to you can have a nasty way of spilling over to other issues and when it does can be a major problem for the relationship.

[COLOR="blue">Now we're fighting because she wants to get an even bigger vibrator :( (A rabbit) just to "have and experiment with". When she has a perfectly good vibrator she can use for the "release" that im not able to give her.

Thanks[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

Are you actually "fighting" or just arguing? There is a difference. If you are fighting over this then there is a major behavioral problem that is more important, and this has to do with trust, and, communication, and, understanding why something is or is not....

You should not be fighting about this; arguing or better yet "debating the matter" is a more appropriate level of handling the issue.

Bottom line: This has nothing to do with you, and yet, it has everything to do with you. Brandye's reply is validated, above.

The fact that she wants a new, different, and/or larger toy should be a non-issue and no different than wanting a different spatula or kitchen knife when there are two or more suitable ones, already! "Variety is the spice of life." Let her discover if there is a difference between the two. There very well may be, and if so, incorporate each one into your love making session once in a while. Certainly do not become threatened that a vibrator or other toy will replace you and what you can do for her.

It has been said that "curiosity killed the cat", don't let her healthy curiosity about a new and different toy kill your relationship or bring the practicality of such a decision into question. Communication is a fundamental ingredient to having a good relationship. Rather than feeling threatened, or, questioning the reason why a decision is made--ASK and discuss openly and learn.

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you will enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. In addition, if you click on the site's Home Page you will find even more information.

I recommend that the two of you read each of the articles and discuss the information gained, then add all of it to what each of you already knows. Knowledge is empowering. I hope this is of help. Got questions?

i think is justified, i mean these days you never know if people are serious about a relationship. but i think that if you two have been together for a while, then i think you'll be fine. sure i have no real reasoning behind this except personal experience. but anyways, i think you just need to realism that (in my mind) that's just normal

Generally, the best time to introduce toys into your activities is when the other person is very highly aroused, not before. Inhibitions are lower, arousal is nearing peak.

> I can't make her orgasm when a toy can.

Who is controlling the toy? If she is then she is befitting from direct feedback that is missing when the reins are turned over to our partner. This is why verbal and non-verbal feedback are important. This is why there is an article that discusses the subject.

> I've constantly tried talking it through but it seems to get nowhere because as she has put it, "I don't understand at all.

)Please help us to understand by telling us what it that she doesn't understand.

Do you still masterbate? If so, why do you masterbate while in a relationship and why do you want to deny her a private and personal indulgence? I've been married to the same man for over 20 yrs now and we both masterbate and have done so our entire marriage. I don't feel the least bit threateded by my partners solo adventures, nor is he threatened by mine. When my partner and I make love, we put each other first and very much enjoy the pleasure we give each other. Just because we like to please ourselves solo from time to time doesn't mean that our mate is deficient or lacking in anyway. Some studies even suggest that women who masterbate have healthier and stonger libidos than their non-masterbating counterparts. Orgasm, whether brought on by a partner or thru mastabotory means helps keep female parts healthy,toned and more lubricated, keeps the prostate drained and has an overall positive impact on your overall health. The only time I would personaly find masterbation a problem in my relationship would be if her always prefered his own hand rather than sharing with me. As long as neither of us goes lacking due to masterbation, then it's not a problem for me.

Excuse me but do you still masturbate?
Why should it be any different for her?

If she wants an orgasm, and you're not immediately available, why shouldn't she have one?

The fact that your gf masturbates even though she says you satisfiy her means only one thing, she likes sex. Read some of the question from guys trying to get their wives or gf's to masturbate. If you feel left out when she does it by herself, ask her to do it with you because I just know you masturbate. Take it from one whose wife would not masturbate at all through most of our marraige and now does. It's WAY better when they do.