I have been with my husband for 8 yrs now (married for 2). When we met he was just 21 and I, 23, (but with two kids, 1 1/2 & 5). I don't think he had enough time to explore his fantasies. This past summer I caught him cheating on me (it was ONLY two weeks when I found out). Things are better with us (after a few sessions of couples' therapy-he's still going); however, I know (from internet usage) that he OFTEN is looking up info on threesomes (he's said he'd want me included, of course) and "goth girls" (which he's told me that he's always been VERY INTERESTED in). My question is...do I stay with someone who has these desires & let him explore them or is there no hope for the two of us? :confused:
Wed, 03/28/2007 - 02:32
#1
Should I let my husband fulfill his fantasy to be with other women?
Everyone has desires. But are you planning on leaving him b/c of his fantasy? What the two of you decide; does it remain a fantasy or become reality is what you need to find out. Are you looking to explore this? Read the pros and cons on this site, some worked out well and other's not so well.
If I am not incorrect, you are asking whether you should allow him to live out his fantasies but I get the impression that you are uncomfortable with this!
You will undoubtedly have trust issues considering the cheating incident and I know, despite counselling these issues take alot of time to become easier to deal with.
Are you interested in participating in a fantasy (making it reality)? Is it in your "make up" to share your husband with others? Can you both handle the additional "baggage" this kind of life style brings?
You need to be honest with yourself before you even look at the possibility of fulfilling his desires. I too fantasies about threesomes, different fetishes etc, but knowing my wife and what would make her uncomfortable, I keep a lot of these fantasies to myself and enjoy my sex life with my wife to the fullest within the scope of what makes us both happy and comfortable.
[QUOTE=learning;172323]If I am not incorrect, you are asking whether you should allow him to live out his fantasies but I get the impression that you are uncomfortable with this!
You will undoubtedly have trust issues considering the cheating incident and I know, despite counselling these issues take alot of time to become easier to deal with.
Are you interested in participating in a fantasy (making it reality)? Is it in your "make up" to share your husband with others? Can you both handle the additional "baggage" this kind of life style brings?
You need to be honest with yourself before you even look at the possibility of fulfilling his desires. I too fantasies about threesomes, different fetishes etc, but knowing my wife and what would make her uncomfortable, I keep a lot of these fantasies to myself and enjoy my sex life with my wife to the fullest within the scope of what makes us both happy and comfortable.[/QUOTE]
I agree. It seems kind of selfish that he went out and cheated and then after he got caught he tells you about his fantasies.Is he the only one who will get to play? I mean can you have sex with another guy? Being with a woman is fun(to me noone knows how to give better oral than another woman) But when all is said and done I still want wood!I think that you should talk about what you are willing to allow and what you are not.I'm not feeling the love on your husband's idea.If this is such a strong fantasy for him, he might cheat on you again.About the rushing in too early, That might be true, but noone forced him he made the decision on his own, if he thinks he has some oats to sew he needs to let you go and be happy also.
"Should I allow......." Every couple find their own limits and determine who needs permission for what. The very fact of your asking seems to indicate you will not become comfortable with this.
thanks to everyone who replied.