I don't blame her! It HURTS!!!!!!! It is good once you have done it a few times, but the first couple of times are hell for the girl. I like the suggestion of her using a strap on and giving you anal, it's only fair that you should be equal with pain and pleaure!!! Don't you think?!!!! :)

If she does not like it, it's her prerogative. What can you do? Ask her first if it's something she would like to try since you enjoy it.

If her answer is no, you have no right to get mad at her and blow up. Indirectly that is attempting to and will make her feel bad for her decision.

Move on an find a partner who enjoys the same sexual interests as you do. Sexual compatibility is important. I have no interest in threesomes; if we discussed it and I said no, if my partner got mad at me and blew up, he would not have to worry about having sex w/me again, he'd be sitting on the curb.

[QUOTE=cjb1981;173594]OK, so I'm a 25 year old guy, and I've only had one other partner. The girl that I'm with now is 20, and she's only had one other partner. We've been seeing each other for almost 2 months now, and have recently become sexually active. Things are going great, but there's one problem, she doesn't like things in her butt:( Of course, I'm not going to try and MAKE her do it, or make her feel bad about not wanting to do it. But damn, I absolutely LOVE giving anal. I know that I'm going to end up getting frustrated, probably get mad at her, and blow up. It's almost like her asking me to tie one of my arms behind my back, dammit! What can I do?[/QUOTE]
Why don't you get her a strap on and make a deal with her..see if you like to "take" it as much as you like to "give" it...then she could perhaps entertain the thought of trying it AFTER you "catch it" a couple times??:)

If she doesn't like it, and doesn't want it, then that's all there is to it. If that is a major problem for you, then perhaps you are not well suited for each other. If you insist on something that she doesn't want, that could be a source of conflict that might jeopardise the relationship.

Exactly!! You've JUST been dating this chick for 2 mths and have JUST now became sexually active. You usually don't pull out all your tricks at once..right at the beginning, LOL.
Like you said, both have only had one partner before...so there will be time for exploring and seeing where eachother's sexual boundaries are.

But you act like her not wanting to do anal is just the end of the world and it like she's purposely not doing it to torture you!!! get over it, like sera said..not ALL women like it...at all!!! I can vouche.. I've done it once or twice I think..and it wasn't pleasurable. You get over the initial pain part...and it just does nothing for me.... it feels like you need to take a constant crap!!!!

Besides....how long were you into your relationship w/ your first girl that the topic of anal came up and she did it?? Some girls have no problem and do it just like any other thing... for others... it might take a while to become very comfortable and trusting of the man involved. Trust is a big issue when it comes to anal!

Like Demon said you are both just getting to know each other. I had no interest in anal until I was experienced and wanted to experiment more. An ex bf brought it up one day (and dropped it), got me thinking and daydreaming, then one day we tried it. Hurt like hell & neither of us had a clue what we were doing. Again, it sparked my interest and I did some reading about "how to", then tried again w/success. I have to be "in the mood" (have a few drinks in me and feel like a "dirty little slut". lol) and when I do it I find it very erotic, it just has to be one day where I am in a mood--a strange one. But on a regular basis...no thanks. My point; give her time she may have not developed her sexual tastes fully.

I did not say this last night because I was ticked about what you wrote...

if she doesnt want it... dont hassle her. it would only lead to the end of your relationship but if u feel that u really want to hassle her into it... end the relationship now and find someone else

> I know that I'm going to end up getting frustrated, probably get mad at her, and blow up.

How mature is this?

> It's almost like her asking me to tie one of my arms behind my back, dammit! What can I do?

Information is golden, more often than not. I agree that some discussion about this and other possible activities that interest one or the other of you is a must. It is important to let the other know what and how much interest a particular activity has.

I agree that trust is key to doing many activities. Trust develops over time and a two month relationship in which sex has been a shorter portion of this span does not seem like enough. In addition to trust, in addition to discussion, is the fact that both of you must become comfortable with each other as well as self. Self esteem is another key aspect to comfort level and often requires time acquire.

I disagree with the cut and run option, initially. This goes to what I said above about having information before making any final decision. There are a couple of Sticky posts that address anal activities. Click here, first.

Please scroll down and read the section on going inside.

Something her your girlfriend to understand is that the outside of the anus as well as just inside are rich in sensitive nerve endings that turn on only after a person has achieved a high degree of arousal. If she knows and understands this, you can wait until she is and try fingering the outside of her anus in addition to your other caresses at the same time. Those sensations augment the sensations from other caresses; furthermore, they will help trigger an orgasm. Waiting until a man or woman is very very aroused will generally make progress easier because a man or woman will be less inhibited in this state.

See if she is willing to go along with this level and if so, just keep your activities confined to the outside at this point in order for her to discover for herself how beneficial anal stimulation can be.

I disagree with the idea that you should be inserting a dildo or penis inside early on. Wrong. Stick with fingers for two reasons. First, in order to become accustomed to something being inside; second, to condition the spincters to having a finger go inside. Finger play should always preceed the insertion of a dildo or penis.

If after all this knowledge and awareness, she is not interested, then wait a few months and then see if her position on the matter of anal play has changed. Properly undertaken, there should never be any pain or discomfort. Properly done, there should be exquisite pleasure.

I personally disagree with the strap on idea, particularly when a finger can have such a positive affect all by itself as well as in conjunction to other caresses going on at the same time. If you want to introduce toys, do so much later in the process and after she has had plenty of time to discover how pleasurable this activity can be.

What is her thinking on the idea of prostate massage? If she is open to at least acquiring some information, I believe the two of you should do some reading on all this before making any final decision--temporary or not.

i just think that you need to chill and see how things pan out.
you never know in a few months, when she trusts you more and respects you etc, she might be willing to have a go for you, but i for one hate anal sex, and there is noone in the world who would convince me to do that again.
it is very painful initially and i found little pleasure in it - have her strap one on to you so you can feel what she'll be going through then you'd get it! :P

> it is very painful initially and i found little pleasure in it - have her strap one on to you so you can feel what she'll be going through then you'd get it!

CORRECTION: It can be painful--it definitely need not be. Anyone contemplating anal play should read my Sticky tutorial on the topic.

As for strapping one on, this is just absurd and is of no help for finding a solution to the original situation cjb wrote about.

cjb, thank you for the clarification on getting mad. Message received and understood.

You can certainly wait a few weeks/months and let your relationship mature. This is a good thing. More than just letting her outlook on sexual activities develop over time as she gains perspective, maturity, experience, and knowledge, is to try and help the process along subliminally. You can try this tactic that often works quite well.

Inhibitions tend to go away the more aroused a person is. With this in mind, wait until she is right at the trigger point of her orgasm and then lightly browse a finger around the rim of the anus while doing other things with your other hand to trigger her orgasm. If she does not object, then finger the middle of the anus, also. She will probably find that the pleasure far outweighs her objections and will let you continue, particularly if she happens to be struggling to trigger it. If you are successful, then employ this technique a few more times in the future.

Later, down the road, you can begin fingering the outside of the anus a bit earlier in the proceedings, yet only when she is very very aroused and approaching the trigger point of an orgasm. The key to involving a person's anus, sphincters, and the prostate, is to hold off and wait until s/he is at or very near the point of no return. The sensations we experience augment those that we are enjoying at the same time from other caresses. Anal play is like a booster or afterburner in its effect on an approaching climax; therefore, playing around there, too soon, is more often than not, counterproductive.

Begin by lightly grazing the rim of the anus. If she does not object, you can then lightly finger the middle or hole using a wet or lubricated finger tip or pad. You may just find that as she becomes even more turned on by this that the skin of the anus will pucker and become corrogated exposing more surface area. Remain outside. Do not attempt penetration. The idea is to let her discover the pleasure while at the same time managing any objections he has as she learns just how beneficial all this is for her. Male or female, more often than not we will through our objections about some activity we initially object to when we become extremely aroused. This is the point of this exercise.

If all goes well the first time or first few times, you can then talk about the subject and discuss penetrating with a finger in order to stimulate the sphincter muscles. If and when she agrees, your tactic should be as it has been--keeping to the outside, first, until she is acclimates to the stimulation. Then you can apply gentle pressure against the opening in order to go in only up to the first knuckle. Be sure your finger is amply lubricated. You want to transfer some of the lube to the passageway before stroking and wiggling the finger around. (The alternative, of course, is to just do it without any prior discussion, using Implied Consent.) If she stops you, she stops you--nothing ventured, nothing gained. The benefit of this approach is that when she is focused on triggering her orgasm, she will be less concerned about the rationale of her objections, particularly when what she is experiencing from the activity is so very beneficial.

Its easier to get permission than forgiveness! Thats a joke domt follow that

However you havent been out long and I would wait till she feels comfortable, she just might not be into it and if you like her alot I feel it wont make to much of a difference at all to your relationship. I say enjoy everyting else :)

Ah that joke was meant to be easier to get forgiveness than permission damn my crap typing! its a joke DONT FOLLOW lol