Ok me and my gf used to have lots of good sex and that is how I got off. We no longer have sex because she wants to take a break from sex. Now every day I give her like 3 orgasms through fingers or oral and she wont get me off. She thinks cum is gross and hand jobs are gross. She has never given head and never will. It has been over a month since we last had sex and she has gotten me off only twice. I don't see what the big deal is... all I want is a hand job every once in awhile. I'm about to explode and I refuse to jack off. The longer I go without cumming the hornier I get. When I told her I jacked off awhile ago she said thats disgusting etc and seemed mad. I don't get it. Please help me out.
Fri, 04/16/2004 - 14:59
#1
She won't get me off
Rawbob I don't need lube because she is always very wet. This is because I get her off so many times and she just gets even wetter. We have awesome sex when we do. I think we are breaking some new ground here though.
I suspect the main reason we have these problems is that she is scared of pre cum a lot, and I tend to pre cum quite a bit. Maybe she feels like it will get on her and or my hand and then somehow inside her. Who knows. Yes, I said no sex until she was on bc, but I was ready to explode. The main reason for this is that she was scared and I didnt want to scare her. I still want her on bc as soon as possible so she doesnt have to be scared of anything.
How bout this for an answer..............................................
SHE IS 18 YEARS OLD AND DOSN'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL SHE WANTS
I'm beginning to think you both have a bit of "co-dependency" issues......i damn near got dizzy reading the yo-yo-like litany of:
sex/no sex
handjob/no hand job
cum and cocks are gross/cum and cocks are ok if you're drunk
Holy Moley! hahahah
Something tells me this is part of your relationship dynamic...and it will be there as long as you 2 are together!
Just do us all a favor and keep using the condoms....and get some lube so she dosn't get dried up and make what little sex u 2 have, more irritating.
im w/ oberon
sound to me like she's a bit unbalanced and isn't sure what she wants.
especially how she's acting now.
i thought you said you were going to have sex w/out BC PERIOD!!!
i mean if you are willing to work it out w/ her thats cool but i don't know if could be w/ someone and never know what is ok and not ok? if its ok to try to have sex w/ someone or wonder if they are going to freak out.
well since she is now giving you sex i guess now you need to work on her getting on BC.
good luck
Ok I asked her she said she wasn't mad at me but at herself also. But later that day she didn't care about it at all. We were watching movies and we ended up having sex. Stone cold sober. I kind of hesitated but she was like I want you and I love you. Got her off when she was on top and then got myself off... she said she was getting sore and started wincing in pain so after like 15-20 minutes I came. So looks like things are looking pretty good. I asked her if she was scared and she said not right now. So hey looks pretty good.
[QUOTE=Quote (Omega @ April 18 2004,16:19)]Couldn't have put it in better words Oberon.[/QUOTE]
Why, thank ya, thank ya very much...
I'll add my congratulations to demonbuttercup's. That shows good sense in remembering to use a condom even while drunk.
It sounds to me like your girlfriend needs psychological help. She's not disgusted by her having an orgasm, just you. This is not your fault. Unless there is something that you haven't told us that you did, I'd recommend she seek help. And if she doesn't think she has a problem, then you need to start thinking about finding a more balanced relationship.
Tell her you care about her and you would like to be with her, but this is not working out for you. You have a right to expect your needs to be met- just as she does. If she isn't willing to work toward that, then, in my opinion, she is very selfish. And if she is selfish in this area, I'm betting that it goes further. See if she is willing to work on this, but if she isn't then say "Adios!". Eight months or no.
Couldn't have put it in better words Oberon.
yeah dude don't let her make you think it was your fault.
its takes two.
and i totally commend you on the fact that you were able to put a condom on drunk and that you actually stopped you couldve just finished off and she would've probably never known.
i can't believe that she disgusted by the fact you 2 had sex. my reaction wouldve been like "oh sh*t im stupid for getting drunk and having sex while not on BC...oh you used a condom? thank god. ok so we shouldn't have anything too worry about pregnancy wise since it was just a few minutes... alright, thats good."
get my drift?
i wouldn't have been disgusted, just felt like a dumbass or something.
hmm have an update here. I just woke up. Last night we both got really wasted. And ended up having sex. I realized what was going on after about 5 minutes. I pulled out, got myself off, and then went to bed. This morning she asked why I took her clothes off. I told her we had sex and that we were both really drunk and I pulled out as soon as I realized what was going on. I asked her if she was mad and she nodded her head. THen gets up and leaves.. her away message says disgusted.. taking a shower and then doing homework. Hmm. Ok well I really don't know what to do now. We were BOTH wasted and now this is my fault? At least I used a condom and stopped the sex.
I don't show up in "Pleasing Her" very often (obvious reasons...lol) but someone brought this to my attention, so, well, uh....Okay.
I think Albert Einstein said it best, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Dude, change what you are doing.
Personally, I don't see this as a healthy relationship at all. She sounds like someone who is only interested in what she wants- remember I am only going by what I hear from you. If she wants no sex- fine- give her no sex.
Grow a pair, and let her know that you aren't there just for her sexual enjoyment. If she's not interested in talking about this or trying to find some way to satisfy you, it's time to head for the door.
P.S. Semen is not gross and penises aren't gross- no more so than vaginas or vaginal secretions- as an excuse, that's pretty weak.
Just checked in today in a long while... and wow, there seems to have been alot more progress with this post then last time I checked. Looks like buttercup is really getting it to you isn't she?
-sigh-, alright, i was reading through each post and I honestly have to ask, do you have any will power at all? Don't get me wrong I"m not trying to start an fight or make fun of you I'm honestly saying. You said you would stop getting her off and then the next post your talking about how your getting her off at the park now. I don't see a very hard attempt at trying.
Also, correct me if I'm wrong but I seem to be noticing a pattern. You bring up the subject, she gets all bitchy at you and then you usually say sorry and maybe she does it sometimes but your usually the one apoligizing. And guess what that means? It means your saying that your wrong for bringing it up, so she's right for getting angry with you and your wrong for even trying to bring up the subject of her not getting you off in the first place. After that you go ahead and hand job her so she gets off. And this seems to happen every single damn time. Basically, you bring it up to talk about it, she bitches and gets angry, you apoligize thus admitting your wrong and she's right, then she gets to get off by your hands... I don't see how that's any incentive for her to talk about anything other then "I think it's gross" if thats how the situation turns out every single time.
And now with her "playing of your dick". Like buttercup said it's more like a tease. I don't know if she was thinking this but I also think it's a tease on her part but also something more. You tease a guy or a girl and usually they go ahead and initiate something more, saying that they are comfortable with it, or they want to for that matter. So she's feeling horny and wants to get off so she just plays with your dick a little. And you just willingly EVERY time go ahead and start getting her off with your hands. And even though you said you wouldn't all she does is play with your dick and everytime it seems to work like a charm, she gets off and she's happy, no need to get you off, nope. And as for saying that "someone's a little hard" and then riding you till she gets off I don't think that means anything good on your part, think about it. She gets horny and rides you to get off herself and then she's content and goes right back to whatever the hell she was doing before. Thats pretty meager in my opinion.
Look, I'm sorry to be so harsh but the way your saying it, it honestly seems like she doesn't want to have sex with you at all Synthetic. She has the oppurtunity to have birth control and she refuses. Even though she said she was waiting to get on it before having sex with you... She doesn't mind you getting her off every time but with you it's just nothing. And the way this relationship is working it looks like she can get plenty of satisfaction without giving you shit back. And you don't really talk to her about it either, you try to talk to her, and then you apoligize getting no where by the way and then you finish by getting her off again. It looks extremely one sided to me.
You say you love her and if you really mean it then I have to qualms that you really do, unless your just trying to get sex again or having her get you off, but thats probably not the case. Either way even if you love her I think you need to draw the point somewhere and FIND OUT what the hell is going on for real this time, all these things don't add up as the other more experienced people on these forums have already told you. You really need to just put your foot down, if she bitches then take it but don't relent, stop giving her pleasure when she gives you none because no matter what you think if she's going to get something for nothing then it looks like she's going to take it (("Only fools try the same thing the same way expecting to get different results")). And you can say your putting you foot down all you want but last time i read about it you failed at that really fast. If you want to get to the bottom of things then you need to draw the line and stand strong, take her flying shit and speak back, letting her know it's important to you and you arn't backing down. You think apoligizing and then getting her off will change her then I seriously believe you are wrong.
You say this is an issue you want resolve then god damn it go and resolve it, don't you see that what your doing now is a circle? it's basically the same thing with the same results everytime!
Again sorry for being so harsh on it, not trying to make fun of you as i said before. I just reread your posts and everyone elses so many times if feels like your basically saying the same thing with the same results and buttercup, rawbob and the others keep trying to tell you something but you seem to listen for a little while and then crumble your attempt.
You say this is an issue you want resolve then god damn it go and resolve it, don't you see that what your doing now is a circle? it's basically the same thing with the same results everytime!
Stand up and push back.
cum is gross and dicks are gross but they are ok if they are inside her?
i dunno man
i dunno what to say to help anymore. i said the thing about the condom and you said you tried that and she still wouldn't have anything to do w/ it. which doesn't make sense since the condom would keep you from having to "clean up".
i mean how would she feel if you were always vaginas are gross. i mean you probably get a little messy just from playing w/ her... but thats ok i guess huh?
I am 19 she is 18 both freshman in college. today we layed next to each other started makin out.. when she started to play with my dick. she started stroking me and i then was getting her off.. then after i get her off. she is like oh i dont want to we have nothing to clean it up with etc. and i was like whats the problem you wouldnt do it even if there was a stack of paper towels sitting here. she was like cum is gross and dicks are gross... then we kinda chilled and i brought it up again. she got pretty mad etc, and when she didnt get me off she was like oh there you going being mad again the rest of the day.
by the way im not getting her off in hopes of getting sex i will NOT have sex till she is on bc.
[QUOTE=Quote (Synthetic @ April 17 2004,10:19)]She says somebody is a little hard and hops on top of me and dry fucks me until she came. Then she went back to watching the movie. I don't really want the relationship to have no intimacy and that is what is happening.[/QUOTE]
thats an odd thing to do...how do you stand it? her to tease you like that?
that wasn't very intimate of her...sounds like she just wanted to get her rocks off and after that...back to whatever she was doing before hand.
yeah i don't think exactly its the "lack of sex" thats causing the problems... like it you its the lack of intimacy.
you can please eachother and be intimate in lots of different way but she isn't willing to open up and try anything else. her lack of compromise to me sounds like the main issue. relationships are all about compromise. by the way, how old are you and your g/f? just curious.
I am going to stop getting her off. Me made up and it wasnt because I got her off. That happened like an hour afterwards. She says somebody is a little hard and hops on top of me and dry fucks me until she came. Then she went back to watching the movie. I don't really want the relationship to have no intimacy and that is what is happening. I feel that it isnt the most important part but if it is missing then the relationship is worse off than if it is there.
your right you can have a relationship w/out sex but her motives and reasons for not doing it aren't very viable.
she either says "your gross" or wait till i get on BC pills but doesn't make any effort to get on them.
if you truly love her and don't want this to be an issue you either have 2 choices.... please her and try not to feel left out when she doesn't want to do anything to you...which is kinda hard to do, or just stop giving her pleasure and then you'll both be left out. then maybe she'll come around and decide to get on BC and things will go back to the way they were before the "break".
It is not about sex. We have been together for like 8 months and it is NOT about sex. This is just an issue that I want resolved because I find it very strange. Well last night she was REALLY pissed and said she hated me etc when I really brought the subject up. I tried to be nice about it. Well she was the one who ended up sayin she was sorry etc. I don't know where we are right now. Then we ended up dry f***ing and I got her off again.... yea i sound like a pussy. Shes been playing with my dick a lot more lately. I happened to have seen a page of her journal i read one line it said i think cum is gross and i will not jack him off NO MATTER WHAT...
i get that synthetic
its just confusing b/c one day you two are having great sex then after that she just does a 180 on you.
yeah i do think you give into her a little too easy. i mean its like she doesn't think she's done anything wrong or that you don't have the right to question her motives? you guys argue and then getting her off seems to be the only way you make up.
she never gives you a straight answer.
and whats her hang up? she definetly needs to lighten up on the cum issue. its not that big of a deal. i don't love it so much that i let my guy cum in my mouth/face...but otherwise he can cum on me just about anywhere else. doesn't bother me i kinda like it.
otherwise, i don't know what to advise...talking doesn't seem to help and you haven't even attempted to not get her off. you have no willpower? playing w/ your dick is just more of a tease if you know she's not going to finish anything.
To all that's been said, I can only add one observation.
It is possible for two people to have a very satisfying relationship without sex.
This relationship seems to be only about sex (and mostly the lack of it).
For whatever reason, she's decided no sex. (Frankly, I suspect you're "fingering" her in the hopes she'll give in. She's not asking you for release, but she also isn't stopping you.) In her defense, that's her right.
If the relationship has no value other than the sex, move on. At this point, your only other option is "no sex" and you should excercise your right to the same rule and stop fingering her.
Wally
well then maybe it goes back to what Rawbob said
Sounds like she dosn't want to have sex with YOU! Sorry to be harsh, but, unless she can come up with a real STRONG reason why she's shut off the sex, won't equally participate in some basic intimacy (j/o and oral) something's going on with HER!
i mean if she isn't going to be mature and have a reasonable talk w/ you then i don't know what to say.
if she upsets you and doesn't seem to care that goes back to my statement of her being selfish. are you the one who always has to iniate the "make up" and say you are sorry?
i know you love her but this isn't healthy or fair to you.
you seem like a really caring giving person and its wrong that she's treating you like that.
Ok I tried to talk with her about it. She avoided me. I was like why wont you have sex with me. She says cuz i dont wanan cuz your disgusting (in a joking manner). I keep asking her and she says cuz I dont want to get pregnant. Then Im like then get on bc. And she keeps avoiding it. And then she gets up and leaves because she is mad. Naturally this leads to the normal cycle of her getting mad and then not talking to me. Last night we had a little fight where I was obviously upset and she did not seem to care until i went over there.
i dunno
seems like you are working way to hard to please this chick. i mean buying her perfume after she's the one whose really causing the problems.
you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting pleasure in return.
if i were you, it would hurt my feelings for her to constantly tell me my genitals were gross and that giving me pleasure was gross. but thats just me
i mean like i said w/ the condom, if you are wearing one then whats gross? she won't get cum on her hand or anything.
does she think its funny to give you blue balls then laugh and make fun that you have to go masturbate?
you don't have to completely cut her off but if you would feel guilty about that... then at least stop getting her off 3 times a day.
its smart that you want to wait to get on BC pills, but in the mean time whats wrong w/ condoms and a spermicide or something.
it seems from what you said she's in no rush to get on BC pills.
plus, once you get started on those, they advise you go thru the first month using a back up method. so theres another month you'd have to wait to have sex. when will the madness end???
i don't think the issue at hand is unimportant to the relationship. being selfish in the bedroom leads to other areas of the relationship and can tell you a lot about a person.
its apparent you are a very giving person, and to me she's taking advantage of your generosity and givingness.
Also, I must add that while we were sexually active she liked to play with my dick quite a bit. And then when we stopped having sex I started wantign her to jack me off. I cum a lot and she its grossed out by it and so she stopped playing with my dick probably thinking it would lead to me wanting a hand job. A few days ago I got her off and then I was so horny and I wanted her to get me off. And then she was like no thats gross. I said if you dont get me off Im gonna go jack off in the bathroom and then go to class. She ew she was thinking it was funny or something. I kind of went off on her I was like I always get you off and get nothing in return. All I wanted was a f***ing hand job. Well I felt really bad and still do about that. I wrote her a love letter saying Im sorry that something so unimportant to the relationship became a problem and I bought her a bottle of perfume.
Thanks for the input. Ok she wanted to break from sex because we had a lot of sex and also she is very scared of getting pregnant. She said no sex until she gets on bc. Then I was like ok and then we ended up having sex like 3 more times after she said this. Then I said no sex till you are on bc and that is final. She had an opportunity to get on it and didn't when her sister offered it to her a few weeks ago.
Ok I feel bad if I stop getting her off which would mean me pressuring her to do things she doesnt want to do. When I talked to her last night I asked her if she would jack me off if I wore a condom and she said no thats gross. And I was like ok a non-lubricated condom there would be no cum she said no that is gross. And then I was like want me to eat you out she was like no that would be unfair to you. So now apparently she cares? I really don't get it. I ended up fingering her and getting her off again that night when we were kinda mad at each other.
I love this woman a lot and she loves me and she has her issues. I don't know what to do.
Ok yeah, something odd is going on here. And now that four people have said it, you can pretty much assume that someting odd is definitely going on. I keep on re-reading what your saying and it just doesn't make sense at all. She doesn't mind you getting her off, not one bit but when it comes to getting you off she's adamantly refusing to do so completely.
First, definitely take buttercups advice, why are you continuously giving her sensual pleasure when she refuses to give you any at all. If she is so high on not giving you any pleasure then treat her just the same. Although I can't see how a person on either side could be happy with a one sided relationship. I mean, if my girls getting me off w/o intercourse then I WANT to make her feel great as well and get her off, it's a good feeling and I love it, and I'm sure alot of people share the same view as well... Somethings wrong.
Second, I don't know if you've done this already but sit her down and talk to her. This is going to be a serious problem... ok, it already is a serious problem which is more the reason that you should sit her down and talk to her. Ask her why she won't give you a hand job, she says it's disgusting then ask her why you giving her a hand job isn't disgusting, etc etc. As for cumming I quote Butter "what does she expect you to do?".
Make your point across loud and clear.
Hope things turn out ok, keep us posted.
i agree w/ rawbob... something just doesn't add up.
what was her reasons for taking a break.
if i were you, i wouldn't be so forth coming w/ giving her pleasure. let her know if this "break" continues and she's not willing to help you out any, then you aren't going to help her out either.
and whats up w/ not helping you out and when you try to help yourself she seems mad and grossed out by that too
i mean what else does she expect you to do?
maybe you could suggest her giving you H/J or oral while wearing a condom so then the cum won't gross her out. i can see the hesitation of BJs but of HJs? whats so gross about a penis? i love stroking my guy, even just during foreplay.
id definetly sit her down and have a talk. let her know this one sided relationship isn't gonna work. and like i said hold off on being so eager to please her. i mean if she's getting 3 orgasms a day , im sure she's happy w/ the arrangement how it is.
Holy moley....i felt like i was on a roller coaster ride there.
Let me get this right..you and your GF used to have sex...we're talking intercourse, right? Now you DON'T have sex anymore because she wants to take a BREAK from sex?
Sorry buddy, but this just dosn't add up. Why all of a sudden the desire to take a "break"....but still lets you get her off?
Sounds like she dosn't want to have sex with YOU! Sorry to be harsh, but, unless she can come up with a real STRONG reason why she's shut off the sex, won't equally participate in some basic intimacy (j/o and oral) something's going on with HER!
Now, you also need a smack upside the head for holding off in cumming in hopes she'll get you off. I'm 42, and i masturbated 4-5 times a week, and still have alot of sex with my partner! Oh, and don't give me that old line: "Why should i jack off when i can get laid?" .....um....you're not getting laid, she's not jacking you off, she's not sucking you....and u have not cum in a month.
Time to either get the truth from her or just break it off. Either way, you best get upstairs, whip out your willy and toss one off quick!
ok it sounds like there's a huge problem w/ HER. If you guys are in a healthy relationship, it means that each partner gives and takes. you obviously give and she never gives back. thats bad. you need to talk to her, its not right that you're pleasing her and she's doing nothing in return. and why did she want to take a "break" from sex? did she say why? did you ask her why? you really need to talk to her about it. and you really should masturbate as frequently as you want to b/c there's nothing wrong with it. If she thinks its gross, and isn't interested in doing anything for you, then there's something going on w/ her. talk to her.