Well I just met this girl and me and her started getting into it, but see the past girls I've been with, when it comes to fingering or having sex they like me to be easy and gentle and that basically how am. Matter affect they say I'm good at it but after I met this girl she kept asking for me to rub her rougher and rougher and I do(I guess) and in my mind I say "that’s not rough enough for you?" and she kept saying too gentle, and after she looked and asked you done this before? And I just felt like I didn't know what I was doing. I told her the past girls I've been with liked it gentle and well we stopped I guess because the mood just went a little bleak. Really I'm asking how you think I should please this girl the next time. I'm going to ask her when we talk about this kind of stuff, but I'm just seeing what anybody else has to say.
Sun, 06/22/2008 - 02:25
#1
she likes it rough
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You actually presented a great answer to your problem and the same I have recommended over and over: Ask her. She knows what she wants. She can take your fingers/hand and guide your movements until you learn to mimic her technique. Second to this is for her to provide feedback (verbal and/or non-verbal) on how she is responding to your caresses and for what she needs next. The same goes for her with you.
Making love is not what we do to each other; rather, it is what we do with and for each other and in partnership. Explore and learn together.
It is OK to let a girlfriend know that you have experience--or not; however, I caution anybody from talking about or comparing a previous person or persons to the current one. Don't go there.
Everyone is different. Every person who you will take on as a lover will have different likes and dislikes. Some will be similar to others, some will be drastically different, but that just means putting in a few extra hours of practice time to get your techniques in sync with her likes. Don't stress over it, just let her show you. Also, talk to her about it outside of the bedroom so that you can get a better idea for the next encounter. If you only talk about it in the moment, as you know, it can really kill the mood.
And yet - beware of going farther and handling her more roughly than you yourself want to. There are those who have issues with sex and they therefore want it rough so they can 'give themselves permission' to enjoy it - the "He/She made me." person. I am not talking of the pathological. I am talking keep your self-respect. If YOU ever fell uncomfortable with what is being requested from you, you do have the right to say No.
Don't take this the wrong way but what's the big deal? Communication is good since she's telling you what she wants. Maybe she doesn't want it that way all the time. Give it to her the way she wants and she'll give it to you the way you want.
The big deal is simply this: We usually get one shot at answering the o/p's original question or concern so we often will include background information or as with EEK, admonitions. The bigger deal is that others read these threads seeking information and if the responder provides a broad(er) reply, we hope the additional information will help frame their actions or thoughts.
The point is there is a LOT going on in people's heads that they will NOT tell you about. "Rough play, bdsm - call it what you will - there are always consequences and you will be held responsible for your actions so YES everyone has the right to say No. It isn't just about her.
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]I think it could be a sign of guilt around sex. There is nothing wrong with wanting to experiment with BDSM, Rough Sex, and things like that, but if that is all you like it could be a sign of a problem. As EEK said, it is used as a way to make sex in to something someone dose to you instead of something you do. In my opinion this can be very unhealthy, so be wary. [/SIZE][/FONT]