Okay so me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 yrs or so and we have been having sex regularly during that time.
She recently told me that she is not sure if she is really having an orgasm or not.
She says that she feels a sensation like she has to pee and when she feels that she sometimes stops herself from going any further.
She tells me that she feels somehting but she isn't sure if it is an orgasm or not.
So I am wondering how can she tell if she's really having an orgasm or not and what she can do to find out or what we can do to get her to have a real orgasm.
Tue, 01/17/2006 - 08:47
#1
Is she having an orgasm?
Have you tried gently pressing her perinium at the time she may be having an orgasm? because if you do and she IS having an orgasm you can feel the muscles contracting...
I also think shed know if shed had one...because you do wonder before youve felt it but once you HAVE felt it you know !!
I was a very late bloomer in experiencing orgasm but no going back now !
I'm assuming by alternative stimulation you mean sex toys or masturbation.
She's really not into that.
One time when we we're having sex I got her to mastrubate for a little while and she said she loved it, but we we're both kinda drunk and the next day when she tried it again she said she didn't like it anymore, that it didn't feel as good as the last time.
She is not very sexually outgoing when it comes to sex toys and stuff.
I always sort of assumed she was just having a mild orgasm because after she has one of her "maybe orgasms" she get's very sensitive.
As far as the peeing sensation goes she once told me she sometimes stops herself because she is afraid she will actually pee on me.
I told her to just relax and let whatever is going to happen happen, if she has to pee on me to have an orgasm it would still be worth it lol.
But I think she would be super embarassed if that actually happened so I'm wondering if she actually could pee while we're having sex?
Thanks for the book recommendation brandye I'll try to find it, but I'm not sure how open she is to masturbation, I wouldn't say she has a low sex drive really but she says she doesn't think about it much at all when she's alone.
So is it that 1/4 of women are not able to have orgasms? or that they are just never stimulated the right way to get one?
This may sound a bit daft and obvious but in my personal experience I think she would know if she did have an orgasm, it is unmistakeable. If she feels like she is about to pee she may either be close to orgasm (often a lot of g spot stimluation can cause that feeling of needing to pee) or maybe it's just got a bit too rough (if you bump against the wall of her vagina that the g spot is on the bladder is on the other side) or possibly she actually needs to pee.
Not necessarily toys. Perhaps simply rubbing or licking or her doing some digital stimulation. I, personally, am not into toys but it requires oral or digital stimulatio, after proper preparation, to set me off.
For women, this stuff takes practice and is not automatic as in most males.
See the recent thread started by lying awake on this forum. The need for urination is not uncommon among women nearing and learning orgasm. It is likelt that she is coming close but withdraws because of the bladder pressure or perceived bladder pressure. In men, orgasm is nearly an automatis thing. No learning involved. In women, the orgasm is not necessary for continuation of the species so nature would consider our orgasm as unnecessary. One-quarter of all women never have an orgasm.
There is certainly the possibility that your girlfriend will reach the promised land. I have had patients in their thirties with multiple children who experience their first orgasms - sometimes with their husbands, sometimes alone, sometimes with a visiting partner.
You two should read Our Bodies Our Selves to learn how the body works and the the Joy of Sex (recently reissued but available in used book stores) to get some ideas. Your g/f probably needs some alternative stimulation (most of us do).
YOU are not going to solve this problem; SHE is, if it gets solved. There is nothing you can do that will not add to the pressure she feels. If she chooses to seek help, fine; otherwise, what you see is what you get.
She should know if she has had an orgasm, though the sensitivity afterwards does make it seem like she has. I know this seems like a dumb suggestion but make sure she pee's before sex, then when she thinks she might be orgasming she will know that it is unlikley that she will actually urinate on you. If she does, it will be way less embarassing because it will likely be only a few drops. If you try this she might be able to let herself get past the 'point of no return' and have a true 'WOW' orgasm.
I hope this helps.
Brandye -
I won't go as far as to say I Have tried everything humanly possible as far as oral and digital stimulation goes, But I have given her oral sex for like an hour straight, litterally and according to her it feels great but she sitll only has her "maybe orgasms".
I mean we're both only 19 so I can't say we've had as much experiance as most, but we've been having sex for 3 yrs and we've had alot of practice.
I just sorta think if I haven't stumbled across a way to do it by now I won't any time soon.
What I'd like to do is just put aside a while day for me to do whatever she wants for me to stimulate her and see what we can do.
But I think she feels almost guilty, like there is something wrong with her and I don't want to make her feel that way because #1 it wouldn't feel great and #2 she may feel like she has to lie to me about having an orgasm.
girlysexnerd and tatiana -
Ya she has pee'd before sex and tried with no luck and she has also stopped after feeling the pee sensation and gone to the bathroom and not been able to pee.
As far as the idea that she should know if she's having an orgasm she says she thinks she is but she's not sure.