She had some cysts removed from her virginal area and the Doctor told her she would not be able to ever have an orgasm. She doesn’t want to discuss it whenever I bring it up. She refuses to get a second opinion because they will only “poke and prod her down there”
She has no sex drive and I feel like I'm the only one there when I beg her for sex. It as if it it’s chore for her. We have tried Vibrators, dildos, no luck either. She does not like pornographic movies.
She was brought up in the Midwest and was taught never to ever touch herself, not in the vaginal area but her breasts too. She feels it’s dirty, and she’s doing something wrong.
I’m done having her make an attempt at pleasing me, while I know she’s just thinking to herself…how much longer will I have to do this?
I Really Love her, and wish I could persuad her to see a Doctor. I even offered to pay.
Help anyone please?
About one-quarter of all women never, or rarely, experience orgasm. There are many reasons. It is likely that most of them are physiologically capable, but some are not. Without examination, no estimate can be made.
There is nothing you can do. If she chooses to follow up with other doctors or therapists, then there may be some hope. If it is not sufficiently important to her, that will not happen. If you consider a good sex life as part of your future in marriage, you will have to move on.
Don't you think a somewhat healthy sex life iin a marriage is important? I have seen many marriage fail because the man went elsewhere for sex because his Wife didn't want it or even try to fake it.
I don't want to be one of those men, and I wouldn't ever want to be with someone else. I really don't want to move on, thats why I'm here.
[QUOTE=Brandye;218055]About one-quarter of all women never, or rarely, experience orgasm. There are many reasons. It is likely that most of them are physiologically capable, but some are not. Without examination, no estimate can be made.
There is nothing you can do. If she chooses to follow up with other doctors or therapists, then there may be some hope. If it is not sufficiently important to her, that will not happen. If you consider a good sex life as part of your future in marriage, you will have to move on.[/QUOTE]
Understood. You asked for input and I gave you the best I can. You would be surprised how many marriages are sexless by age 40 or even before.
If she will not seek other help for herself, the two of you should be seeing a counselor.
Would you feel better if I lied and told everything will work out?
No I don't want you to lie to me. I just thought that there may be some one else (Male or Female) out there that has gone through what I am, and could offer some advise. If the question doesn't apply to you (I assume you have orgasms) I don't know why you feel the need to ask me if you'd like me to hear what you have to say.:confused:
QUOTE=Brandye;218062]Understood. You asked for input and I gave you the best I can. You would be surprised how many marriages are sexless by age 40 or even before.
If she will not seek other help for herself, the two of you should be seeing a counselor.
Would you feel better if I lied and told everything will work out?[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]I’m done having her make an attempt at pleasing me, while I know she’s just thinking to herself…how much longer will I have to do this?
I Really Love her, and wish I could persuad her to see a Doctor. I even offered to pay.
[/QUOTE]
I think the point is if she isn't willing to "attempt" to work on her mental attitude towards sex or go see a DR about the physical aspects she's suffering from... then the answer to how much longer... would be infinite! How much longer you plan on staying w/ her would be how long. If neither party does something different... then nothing will change :(
My gf has never had an orgasm either, but her sex drive is fairly high. Had she ever had one before the cysts?
Women can enjoy sex without orgasm, she needs to realise this and not focus on what she has lost but focus on the pleasure she can still get. I'm not sure where you are at, how much fooling around do you do with her? Do you give her pleasure in foreplay? She needs to get the idea that touching herself is dirty out of her head too.
It looks like with her upbringing and the cysts it is going to take a lot of work, and most likely professional help. If she is not open-minded enough to try, then Brandye is right and finding someone else is about your only option.
There are three areas that can be stimulated to induce orgasms: clitoris, G-Spot, and posterior fornix BUT if she thinks sex is dirty, and damn those who teach that, then NOTHING can be done. She has been psychologically castrated to keep her "pure" and her eventual hubby bored to tears and frustrated.
No orgasms are not required to enjoy sex but orgasms are GREAT so why wouldn't you want them? There is no law requiring a woman to have a difficult time reaching orgasm. In fact, if you relax and get into it you will find you are able to orgasm more easily and more quickly.
But it all begins in her mind.
Thus far, your woman-friend is mentally screaming No and there's not much you can do to stop that.
You're in a very difficult position. I feel for you.
I do not believe that two people can truly know each other until they've explored all of their subtleties, including each other's sexuality. From what you've said, she puts a barrier between herself and her sexuality, as well as you and her sexuality. I do not believe you will have a successful relationship with her if she is unable or unwilling to share that part of herself with you.
Voice your concern in a very nourishing, sincere way. If, after giving her time, she is still unwilling to work at it, then she is not ready, and you two should part ways.
I especially appreciate this part of your situation, because it's easy to think that leaving a relationship because a girl isn't giving out makes the guy a jackass. This is not true. A healthy sex life is extremely important, and the lack of one in a relationship is a very valid reason to break up.
I hope my reasoning helps in some way.
Thank you for all the advice everyone.
I have finally talked her into talking with an online group about touching herself.
I feel like this is a huge stride forward as it was "out of the question" before.
She still refuses to go to the Doctor and get as she says over and over "Poked and Prodded". She has not seen the Dr. once in the last 4 years.
Aren't you supposed to do that once a year? She is over 40.
[quote=bob1958;218138]Thank you for all the advice everyone.
I have finally talked her into talking with an online group about touching herself.
I feel like this is a huge stride forward as it was "out of the question" before.
She still refuses to go to the Doctor and get as she says over and over "Poked and Prodded". She has not seen the Dr. once in the last 4 years.
Aren't you supposed to do that once a year? She is over 40.[/quote]
Yes, annual exams are recommended. Sounds as if she does not care about her health, we all get prodded and poked, she is responsible for her well being. If she refuses, time to find a woman who cares about her health & you being of sound mind.