When people begin having sex with each other they're obviously not 100% on the same vibe, i.e., it takes getting used to with every new person.
I've also heard that many people are disappointed with sex the first ten or so times they have it. How many of you have experienced this?
I'm asking because I've only had sex five times, and it's been great, but not as earth shattering as some people have made it out to be. Hm. I hope good things come in time.
I guess, after so much build up, I'm just not satisfied with what sex is now.
Im experienceing the same problem ephemera. I think it is because sex is so built up in a teens mind that they expect it to be amazing. but in reality they put such high expectations and so much stress on it feeling good that it numbs the feeling. its just something you have to get used to, and the more you do it the better it feels. I remember when oral wasnt too great to me and now that ive gotten used to it its like OMG :eek:
Wonder how your g/f feels about it.
Ducy, I suppose a lot of it is just getting used to being a sexual person, and not focusing on that.
Brandye, I wonder how you feel about it.
The vast majority of people have no idea what great sex is and/or how amazingly overwhelming it can be. I am talking "two tigers rolling around together with Vaseline" sex. This is why I wrote a book on it. This is also what my men learn - they become dangerously good at it.
Essentials = liking yourself, accepting your sexuality, generally loving your target gender (I, for example, absolutely adore men - in general), being willing to spend time and effort, and finally, being OPEN to your partner(s).
After that, and within the presence of 'chemistry', all else is mechanics tailored to fit your particular partner with the occasional variances in style to keep things interesting.
the first time i had sex i wasnt disappointed because i went into having no expections cause you cant expect your first time to be all eath-shattering like in the movies. we have pretty good chemistry so after a few times it was easy to pick up on what the other one liked and how to make each other feel good
My first time was terrible. I had no idea what I was doing and the woman that I was with wasn't much help either, even though she had a lot of experience. But I'm not really complaining, I ended up learning so much. The second time I had sex was much better, not great but good. It's gotten better ever sense.
As they say practice makes perfect and perfect pratice makes for perfection...or something like that!
Yes, it gets better in time, I'm discovering.
Having sex regularly is a strange thing! I like it.
Don't act like I haven't been telling you this for months now!
[QUOTE=sera300;193362]As they say practice makes perfect and perfect practice makes for perfection...or something like that![/QUOTE]
In the world of dance, the saying goes: "practices makes permanent." This means that if you practice a pattern incorrectly, it will be permanently wrong.
[quote=Ephemera]I've also heard that many people are disappointed with sex the first ten or so times they have it. How many of you have experienced this?
I'm asking because I've only had sex five times, and it's been great, but not as earth shattering as some people have made it out to be. Hm. I hope good things come in time.
I guess, after so much build up, I'm just not satisfied with what sex is now. [/quote]
As I have stated many times, with each new relationship there is a new Square One from which the couple begins. This is true regardless of how much experience one or both have. Experience equates to knowledge not skill. If both individuals are experienced, there will still be a period of adjustment while each learns to become attuned to the other. A couple having no experience will encounter this, also, with the added complication and angst of acquiring the basic skills. So, yes, I believe you are correct in that there will be a period of adjustment as well as a learning period that we have to go through.
After several weeks to months, if making love and/or intercourse is still not satisfying, then I believe it is fair to say that you have to look at methods and techniques. This is the major purpose the self-help articles were written that are listed in the Index. This is a major reason this site (Board and Forums) exists.
[quote=EvilEvilKitten] Essentials = liking yourself, accepting your sexuality, generally loving your target gender (I, for example, absolutely adore men - in general), being willing to spend time and effort, and finally, being OPEN to your partner(s).
After that, and within the presence of 'chemistry', all else is mechanics tailored to fit your particular partner with the occasional variances in style to keep things interesting. [/quote]
Now there is a nutshell that should be picked up, run with, and opened, for those "hungry" for answers.
If all else is mechanics, why then is it so difficult to "train" better mechanics?
Yes, of course you have EEK. But I, like every other stupid schmo that comes on this board, rarely listen and seek reassurance.
Sex is one of those things you really can't know anything about until you try, though; especially after seeing how movies and t.v. portray it.
Dancin' Doc - because both men and women both have incorrect 'programming' when it comes to sex.
When my partner and I first had sex it wasn't earth shattering but I wasn't the slightest disappointed, it was amazingly fulfilling and emotional. After a while, when we knew each others bodies it BECAME earth-shattering. ;)
[quote=EvilEvilKitten;193441]Dancin' Doc - because both men and women both have incorrect 'programming' when it comes to sex.[/quote]
We do not have autonomic programming in all areas; much is learned through out life. Much like a child knows to eat but the food ends up all over the mouth. We know to satisfy a need but lack the "how to" properly. Same w/sex. We know we have an urge but do not know how to get there on our own!
Yes, sera, but I am only one woman and there are only so many hours in a day.
*grinning*