You sound a lot like my boyfriend. Also sounds like you're a pleaser. There's obviously no step-by-step handbook on how to have sex. You just have to explore, and I know it's not easy. How long have you been with her?

The first thing is that you want your girlfriend to desire you more. To start with, the very best thing is for you to feel at ease and comfortable- that will make her feel comfortable too, and seeing your confidence will be a real turn on for her. It is so, so, so, so, so important that you enjoy your sexual experiences- if you don't, I advise you to back right off, otherwise it will ultimately end in embarrassment and akwardness, and from experience, this can stay with you for a long time. The only thing holding you back from being a sex god is your nerves (although- who knows... your partner maybe already thinks that you are, despite what you think!)

Secondly, I would LOVE to know the way you have found to practice kissing- but feel no obligation to tell me! A dedicated make-out sessions sounds amazing! It's certainly not a bad idea!

I doubt that you're such a bad kisser! Go into it with confidence, have a good brush and floss so you have are able to approach the 'task' (!) with confidence. The only bad snog I ever had was in a night-club when I was 17 when I boy shoved his tongue in and out of my mouth in time to the music!

A good idea is to start with little kisses on the lips, around the mouth, the eyes, behind the ears, the neck, all over really, and then back to the mouth. If your girlfriend starts to explore your mouth, gently return the movement, and go back to the little kisses. Continue this for a while, and her kisses may become more passionate and urgent and you can continue to match her intensity. You might want to gently suck her tongue, her lips etc. If you take it gently and slowly, returning frequently to little kisses you will avoid the worry of the unpleasant 'tonsil tennis' sensation, and you'll be driving her mad with desire!

So, onto the foreplay. 5 minutes of kissing? 10? An hour? There's no answer. If you're out to please your lady, then 'listenout' for the signs that she gives you. While kissing, you can gently and loving start to run your hands over her body- up and down her arms, down her sides- getting progressively closer to her breasts and between her legs. I love gentle but firm movements. As you continue to kiss she will hopefully begin to slightly tense her body as you get close to her sensitive spots, press closer to you, raise her hips, or turn into your strokes which is an indication that she wants you to start touching her more sensitive areas. If you're not getting these cues, it's probably better to stay with the kissing. And don't just give in to her first cue...leaving it a few moments until her desire seems more urgent will be so much more pleasurable for her in the long term! Girls respond VERY well to a bit of teasing- but I can get quite moody if it goes on for too long!

It is SO important that you don't approach it as an exercise...see it as an exploration. Ask her for verbal feedback (harder, further down, faster etc) if she's happy to do that, or moans when you're doing something she's enjoying.

When a girl masturbates she knows exactly what to do- when she wants a slow, gentle stroke or a fast, hard one. Don't forget that she has a very big responsibility when it comes to pleasing her- how are you meant to know what she likes and when, if she doesn't communicate this to you in some way? Watching her pleasure herself might be a turn on for you and a very useful teaching tool at the same time! You need to try your best to listen and learn!

As for talking dirty, I personally don't think you should say it if you're not comfortable. I think you're better off focuusing on the above to start with before you start on what can be quite a difficult and embarrassing thing for some people.

If you are happy to talk dirty, and think you would enjoy doing it, then do it when the words come into your head- be it a whisper while walking down the street, on the phone, while kissing, or on the point of climax. I love it when my boyfriend talks dirty to me, although he does it only rarely. When he does do it, it is so powerful and fast-tracks my orgasm!

For your fourth point- how do you keep her wanting more? The answer, I believe is by being confident. Don't even CONSIDER trying to be cocky if that's not who you are!

You seem like a great guy, and I very much hope that she appreciates you. If she doesn't, please don't think that becoming a sex god will fix this. She needs to take responsibility as you learn to please each other too, inspire you with confidence, build you up, compliment you, teach you, learn to please you... don't forget that your happiness is JUST as important as hers!

Take care, and happy practicing!

Do you live together? If not...next time you go over to her place (or vise versa), and shes sitting on the couch, or on the bed, distracted with tv/book/etc...curl up next to her really tight with your arms around her, and gently tilt her head towards yours, then just start kissing and teasing like NorthernPixie said. Its nice being spontaneous when shes not expecting, especially since you're shy/nervous normally. That should give you some practice, and if she's in the mood you'll surely move to the bedroom. ;)

1. You can be an amazing lover even if you're a virgin. A very experienced sh+gger who is selfish can't hold a torch to someone who is keen to please.

2 Sometimes it can become really frustrating for a girl if a guy is focussing all his attention on her. You may find it strange, but it's true! I saw you were reading my thread 'What is sex like for a man', and it was really helpful for me, and hopefully was able to offer some insight to you too. Sex is different for us girls- we don't need to come even ONCE for it to feel sincerely, genuinely, incredibly amazing. Sometimes I get a kind of 'stage-fright' when I know my boyfriend is focussing so much on making me come, and I find it almost impossible to reach that peak. The most satisfying thing for me is seeing my boyfriend come. It is so sexy and I love seeing the results of our efforts! Do not underestimate how sexy and satisfying it is for a woman to see her man come. Also- she may be a bit tired of sex after a while, and be eager to have a bit of cuddle time. Sometimes during sex I really look forward to lying in my boyfriend's arms at the end.

Conclusion- in your quest to please your woman, don't forget that pleasing her may not mean entail getting her to climax even ONCE, and giving her the gift of seeing you really enjoying the experience yourself.

3 You can go 2-3 times back to back?! That pretty much classifies you as a sex god in most girls' book!

4 Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen- there's a lot to be said for that! Now, I'm not suggesting you start to act like a right idiot, but do remember that confidence is SO incredibly attractive to women. Protect your woman, look after her needs, but make sure your OWN needs are met too.

The MOST IMPORTANT thing that you address is your confidence. Experience means nothing. Attitude is everything. Here's an idea- while your girlfriend is away, why don't you spend your time really enjoying your masturbating sessions, without guilt. Think about the pleasure you're giving to yourself, and think about how you will soon be able to pleasure you girlfriend in a similar way. Think about some things you want her do do/try on you, so you can fantasize about them. When she comes back, she'll probably find it really sexy if you can confidently and decisively ask her to do some particular things. She'll sense you're more in control, confident and in charge of yourself, and this will have fantastic effects when you come to please her.

A girl does NOT want a tool for a boyfriend. Absolutely not. If she wants a vibrator, she'll buy one in Ann Summers. If she has a boyfriend, she wants a MAN, a RELATIONSHIP (a two way thing)

5 It's so frustrating that our pasts can affect our sexual relationships so much. Perhaps having a real, proper sit down and think about the belief system you grew up with, and your current ideas would be helpful. Writing it down might be helpful too. Think about what elements you now agree or disagree with and why. What are you still unsure about? Do you have residual feelings of guilt, frustration, anger, shame from this? Why are they irrational?

Like I said, a make-out party sounds like a great idea. You could plan it as an evening where hands stay firmly outside of clothes, you could make an effort, cook a nice meal, romance your lady and buy some DVDs of shows from the era of your high-school days. I imagine she'll find it really sexy if you confidently lay out the ground rules at the start of the evening. HOWEVER, do NOT at ANY TIME refer to it as a PRACTICE SESSION. This is subconsciously highlighting your feelings of inadequecy and feelings of inexperience, and is NOT sexy. 'Advertise' it as something you want to do for YOUR pleasure and for her pleasure.

You are not training for a sexual relationship. You are HAVING a sexual relationship. Enjoy it!

Confidence is the key. The best way to BE confident is to ACT confident. That's all there is to it! During physically intimate times, you should aim not to apologise for failings etc. Leave that to another time.

I've really enjoyed thinking about these things. Sorry if I've bored you, but I'd really love to hear how things go on her return!

I like husband to be himself. I don't want him to forever putting on an act. I want to know and feel the real him.

I also think passion is a good teacher! Do what comes naturally. Enjoy the moment. Tecnique needs to be learnt so you need practice. Forever!

Excuse me, you have been with several women before this and yet were never playful with them? For shame! Here are a few playfulness exercises for you:

1. Get a kitten, in your case female, and learn to play with her - learn to laugh. This works because kittens are undeniably CUTE and their antics are legendary - from ambushing you, to climbing the drapes, and scampering through he house at Mach 2 for no reason at all. In many ways, most women are very feline. If for some reason you cannot get live kitten, a stuffed kitten animal will work - tell Build-A-Bear you're buying it for your niece. Roleplay with the toy. Become confident enough to scratch your gf behind her ears. Do you see? (Women can use the same idea in reverse only use a teddybear whose fur matches your man's hair color.)

2. Have your gf buy a large quantity of cosmetic mud - the kind you smear on, wait a bit, and then wash off. Take turns besmearing eachother all over your bodies - it helps if its green or purple - and pretend to be horrible monsters from outer space or creatures from the black lagoon. Then into the shower to scrub eachother down. Make sure you get it ALL off.

3. Take dancing lesons together. Looking foolish is part of the deal - the idea is to laugh! Roller-skating is also good. Iceskating as well. Any new skill that results in you two hanging onto eachother and laughing.

For those ready for advanced lessons = play Tigers and do Naked Painting.

Tigers

Both of you get down on your hands and knees fully clothed, growling fiercely, attempt by pushing and mild horseplay without hands, to roll the other person onto his or her back and to blow raspberries on the other person's bare tummy. (Yes of course it is silly that's the point!)

Naked Painting

Select a room, do the prep work, get all the materials and literally both of you paint the room while naked - have the music blaring - and just go for it. Try not to step in the paint tray for the paint roller! *sigh* Keep the kitten, see above, out of the paint. *another sigh* Then it is into the shower to scrub eachother down!

Please note the non-competitive nature of these exercises. Also note the child-like quality to them - this is disarming and charming - child-like not childish.

(All exercises developed from personal experience. Void where prohibited by law.)

Dirty Talking can be daunting for some people I have had difficulties in the past with it. One good thing to do is if you and her are watching TV alone or sitting and reading, and start telling her all the things you want her to do to you, or you want to do to her, just keep watching the TV/doing what ever and keep whispering these things to her.

**depending on how comfortable you are you can get more graphic with the details**
"If i could have you right now id have you get nude, bend over my knee and spank you for being a naughty girl"

or

"If i could have your right now id like every inch of your body teasing every nerve, having them all long to be touched".

or

"I want to be F***ing you / inside you (depending on how she wants the dirty talk) thrusting, i want to look into to you eyes as you cum/orgasm, i want you to scream my name when you do"

Then go from there, she might say something along the lines of "Oh yeah?!" or "what else would you do?". Describe everything to the super most minute detail. make her picture everything. and depending on how its going and who is doing what to whom when you are describing you can tease her more by just looking at the TV or Book, while trying to drive her wild.

Well, the FIRST thing you have to do then is to decide what you want. What kind of life do you want to have? Next - get out there and LIVE it.
Sit down, think, plan it out - step by step if you must, and DO it.
You cannot ask someone to share your life if you do not have one.

Hey rail, about the joke part, forget the cocky part if you can't do it. just joke... and laugh at her jokes... i really like when my crush laughs at my jokes...

This is a good thread for several reasons. First, because the concerns were voiced; second, because it has so many great answers.

Speaking of "mud", I am concerned that there is some muddying of terms. Making out and Foreplay are different activities. A make out session includes but is not limited to Necking (kissing and caressing above the shoulders), Petting (everywhere else excluding emphasis on the breasts and genitals), Heavy petting (all of the above with more emphasis on the breasts and genitals and now begging to undress); Foreplay, concentrated kissing and caressing of the breasts and genitals--and follows all the making out. A make out session, therefore, can contain any level of making out a couple is comfortable with (mostly the woman as she sets the boundaries), and moving onto Foreplay--all of which are inclusive activities. For more on this read:

KISSING & CARESSING--a young person's guide to EXPLORATION

...and:

INTERCOURSE / ORGASMS/ and the gentle art of Making Out, FIRST
This is the Third Chapter in a series. Scroll down until it appears.

As for one or the other person having more experience, here is what has been written about that:

HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:
This is actually Chapter Five in the series, although it has a separate link. You can scroll down to this, also.

[quote]I have made some mistakes in this relationship already; like showing how unconfident I am with her. I don't know what she expects, and I don't know what I expect. [/quote]

What she expects is confidence, regardless of your skill (notice I did not say: 'experience'). What you have to be willing to accept is that your "Fragile Male Ego" is getting in the way. It is the inner voice that says, "I'm not going to do this or that because I don't know how", or, "I can't do it well so why try", or, "since I don't know what to do, I won't try out anything for fear of doing it wrong or badly". I've related many times in many a thread two facts of life: One, that past experiences equate to knowledge, not skill; two, that each new pairing {relationship) will be somewhat different from a previous one because of a person's likes, dislikes, preferences, expectations, and so on.

[quote] Ive never had a girl that actually cared enough about me to just let me experiment with her, or show her how I like to be pleased. I still feel bad that I am making my current girlfriend go through any of this, which is why I came here for help. [/quote]

This is your FME talking to you. You were asking if a dedicated make out session was a good idea--in a word: [COLOR="Lime">YES[/COLOR]! Of course this is a good idea. Sit with her, snuggle, cuddle, and then begin Necking after awhile and see where all this leads. Making love, is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other. This is a cooperative partnership. Do not be so self critical. Instead, just relax, go with the flow, shower her with attention and purpose, and learn from all the feedback and cues you give each other. Your level of confidence will come from the little successes and pleasures you bestow.

For more on all this, please click here for the INDEX.

OK, Rail, after having read and digested all of the above, do you have any questions or concerns? If so, start typing!

-doc