GF complains about pain during sex

[calipirate]

Hey everyone,

So, my girlfriend and I have been sexually active with each other monogamiously (I mention in order to rule out stds) for nearly 5 years now. Yet still, when we actually have intercourse, she says that she is often sore afterwards, even if we take it easy.

She seems to enjoy sex (although I don't think she can orgasm from intercourse), but why would it be hurting her after all these years still? I think she complains of a tightness, what can be done? (unfortunately, she does not have med insurance right now, and so seeing a dr. is out of the question)

[dancingdoc2]

> when we actually have intercourse, she says that she is often sore afterwards, even if we take it easy.

> why would it be hurting her after all these years still?

There are clinics around that are either free or that charge on a patient's ability to pay. She should go and have an exam and discuss this specific matter with the doctor.

There could be multiple reasons why it hurts after all this time. My first thought is about the way the two of you make love. How much time do the two of you devote to fooling around and making out {Necking, Petting, Heavy Petting) all before getting to the Foreplay stage? Your answer is important.

* If she is not becoming wet enough, then this could very likely be a cause.
* If her mucus is not adequately distributed around the vaginal opening this could cause painful friction from two dry surfaces rubbing against each other.
* Do you lubricate your penis from tip to stern, before entering?

Yes or no, I would run a little test and use plenty of lubrication in and around the vaginal opening as well as on your penis in order to learn if this improves the situation. Let us know.

> (although I don't think she can orgasm from intercourse)

After five years you do not know the answer to this????

I recommend that you both read all of the articles listed in the Index and as part of your sex ed., learn about verbal and non-verbal communication and feedback.

Not all women climax, and of those who do, not each and every time. Does she masturbate and can she climax regularly and consistently on her own? If no, then both of you must understand that each of us, male and female, is responsible for our own orgasms. All any of us can do is to help our partner achieve them. There is at least one article that discusses how to help make this happen.

Of all the sexual positions, very few place a woman's pieces parts in close constant contact with her man's pubic mound sufficient to produce the friction required. Knowing this, what a knowledgeable, skilled, caring, lover will do is to reach around and finger her clitoris and labia while stroking away.

For the next few times you make love, I recommend using the Woman Superior/Cowgirl position. Why? Because it places her in control.

* She knows where P and V are and can deftly bring the two together saving you possible anxiety doing this yourself.
* She can determine the angle of penetration, the depth, the speed
* She can set the rate of stroking as well as the depth
* She can position herself for the most stimulation against your body

I'm surprised that in the many months you've been a member that you have not yet availed yourself of the tremendous resources we have to offer that are already in place--like the Index, and the many discussion threads among the Forums. So, please do some reading, discuss what you have learned, and then do some evaluating.

Do not hesitate to ask questions if more come to mind. I hope this is of help.

-doc

[Brandye]

Seeing a doctor is out of the question. I do not understand Yanks and your health care non-system.

She should not have waited five years and it is past time for this to be checked out. May be as simple as adding lubrication; may be something more serious. Only an exam can tell.

[funinthesun]

Doesn't Planned Parenthood offer services for low income patients or those without insurance?

[DirtDriver]

Originally Posted by calipirate

(although I don't think she can orgasm from intercourse with me)

There. Fixed it for ya.

Sounds to me like you aren't really taking care of her, but rather just yourself. You hint at this in your topic too - "GF complains about pain during sex". God forbid it is uncomfortable for her. You sound like you are complaining that she is complaining.

The pain during sex could be because you are causing it, or she may have another issue going on. You should support her and suggest she see the doctor before causing her anymore pain.

Also, maybe you want to do some research on love making and the art of the female orgasm. Many women can not orgasm with penetration alone, I've been with a few. I have never dated a girl that could not orgasm during sex, but each one of them required different things to get there.

So first, she needs to see a doctor to address the pain issue. Second, you need to address the issue of her not having an orgasm during sex. Because what's the point of having sex repeatedly if she is not having an orgasm?

[calipirate]

Hey everyone, thanks for the responses, sorry it took so long to get back to you all (it's difficult for me to access a computer outside of work sometimes).

Anyways, health insurance doesn't kick in for her for another few months (go usa... ugh). And to answer some of your questions, I'll use the other night as an example.

We starting with foreplay for a good half hour or so, where I performed oral on her, etc. She was incredibly wet, and she pursued actually having intercourse. When we started, I made sure to put plenty of lube on myself and on (and in) her as well. I kept it really shallow, and let her guide the depth/speed/etc..

Still, she was in pain so we stopped and she got really upset with herself because it hurts her. I tried comforting her letting her know that we can be sexual other ways without intercourse, but she's really upset about it. I guess the only thing to do is wait until her health insurance kicks in

[Brandye]

SHE MUST SEE A DOCTOR. Without an exam, no one knows what is happening. This is not normal.

[calipirate]

I was afraid of that. I guess we'll have to wait until the insurance kicks in. I looked up some stuff online, and her symptoms seem pretty much in line with something called vaginimus

[Brandye]

Vaginismus has been discussed, or at least touched up, here many times. Five years of the same symptoms but stiil able to accept penetration would be unusual. Now, another caution: Do not even consider the self-help stuff you will find posted many places. Vaginismus is a serious condition that can last women's entire lives without proper diagnosis and treatment. It is not amenable to a do it yourself treatment.

If her doctor has a familiarity with treatment, fine; otherwise have a referral to a doctor or therapist who is familiar with the condition.