Can't Get Wet...?

[DanishPie23]

My boyfriend and I have endless long foreplay which includes everything we can think of, even some really freaky stuff. He gives me oral and does so much to me as I do to him. When he is extremely horny is when we get ready to have sex, but I am never wet so he has to force it in me, which hurts a lot! Even when we start to have sex, I barely get wet so the friction is tremendous because we sometimes don't use condoms because neither of us like them. But we tried a lot of positions and just everytime I am barely wet at all. I rub my clit sometimes during doggy to try and orgasm to get wet or something, and it just hurts more. I have no idea what to do! I even tried masturbating with my dildo afterwards to see if that would get me wet, and again it didn't. What can I do to get me wet again? I used to get extremely horny and wet all the time, and now all of a sudden I can't.
Can anyone help me???

[dancingdoc2]

Yes, help is on the way.

Please read the articles listed in the Index found at the top of the main screen. Knowledge is empowering and the two of you will find much to help you. Whether you read the articles together or separately, please discuss what you have learned.

> My boyfriend and I have endless long foreplay which includes everything we can think of, even some really freaky stuff.

"Foreplay" are those activities that follow all the fooling around and making out we do beforehand. This like Necking, Petting, and Heavy Petting. These involve kissing, caressing, hugging, cuddling, whispering sweet nothings, in every progressing and intimate steps. Foreplay pertains to manual/hand stimulation, oral, and anal play. Altogether, they are done progressively as well as retro. What I mean is that when a couple begins making out, we begin with A, add B, add C, revisit A & B, add D and E, revisit the former and so on and on.

Etiquette suggest two courtesies:

1. That you enjoy the first and last orgasm, then anything in between can be however the two of you desire.
2. That you invite him to begin intercourse and not before you are darn good and ready, physically, and emotionally. The invitation can be either verbal or non-verbal.

So, if you have been masturbating and can achieve orgasms regularly and consistently, then take his fingers and guide them over the course of several sessions until he learns to mimic your unique and specific technique. (The same holds true in reverse.)

If you have not yet learned how to climax on your own, then do not expect that he will be able to make this happen for you. Each of us is responsible for our own orgasms. We do not give them away. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achive theirs.

> I am never wet so he has to force it in me, which hurts a lot!

Can and do you become wet when masturbating? If so, then this suggests to me that your methodology is way wrong. The two of you should be devoting no less than half an hour, more within reason if convenient, to turning you on by all the fooling around and making out as described in detail in a couple of those articles. "Foreplay", is not the same as Necking which is not the same as Petting. Each of these are stages and it seems from your description of events that you are not being adequately prepared. Either the two of you are rushing to have intercourse and his climax and enjoyment, or, you are doing all sorts of things as you mention, none of which are designed to turn you on specifically. This simply should not be!

Even when you do become wet, it is important to make sure your vaginal mucus is spread around the vaginal opening so that there is no rubbing of dry skin. Encourage him to do this as part of your preparation and arousal. If you are in fact turned on yet do not become adequately lubricated, then keep a bottle of lube handy in your nightstand. You can make sure your vaginal entrance is moist as well as his penis. Moistening his penis has great benefits because much less pressure is required while stroking and more often than not he can be turned on much easier and quicker.

> I rub my clit sometimes during doggy to try and orgasm to get wet or something, and it just hurts more.

This is what he should be doing because very few sexual positions place your pieces-parts in constant contact with his pubic mound enough to generate the required stimulation you need. What a knowledgeable, skilled, caring, lover will do is to reach around and finger his partner while stroking away. Here, again, communication is important for how you are responding to his caresses and for what you need now/next. This feedback is critically important because none of us is a mind reader.

Having your clitoris hurt can be the result of two things.
1. It is not moist. Moisten it using saliva or a commercial lube.
2. You are turned on considerably and as a result your clitoris has
become overly sensitive and too "hot to handle". This is normal.
The best fix is to stimulate it indirectly, either by folding the labia
over the clitoris and massaging it thru them, or--
3. Try tugging and rubbing your labia in order to transmit friction to
your clitoris indirectly.
4. Rub the shaft of your clitoris. Even though it is buried beneath
the folds of your upper Vulva, it is very responsive to stroking.

> Even when we start to have sex, I barely get wet so the friction is tremendous because we sometimes don't use condoms because neither of us like them.

Are you on the pill or shot or using some other highly reliable form of contraception? Are the two of you in your teens or older? I ask because teens are more apt to become pregnant than older people. This means that if you are going to engage in adult activities you have to be adult about it. If you do not want to become pregnant, then at east two forms of contraception are recommended; a third as back up is even better (yours/his/ours). Not liking condoms is no excuse. That said, at least use a spermicide, also.

> What can I do to get me wet again? I used to get extremely horny and wet all the time, and now all of a sudden I can't.

If you are on the pill, it might be that the particular brand you are using is preventing your arousal. You might want to discuss this with your doctor and perhaps make a change. If you were on this same pill in the past and able to become aroused, then something else is not right. Are you just not that into him as the ol' saying goes?

Hang in there and let's see what the women have to contribute.

[Brandye]

The "personal lubricant" industry thrives for a reason: they make penetration easier. Get some plain K-y or Surgilube (or, better, use vaginal jelly such as K-Y+ or Gynol II which adds spermicide) and use an applicator full with some around the entroitus.