Just About Ready To Give Up *sigh*

[MissCarmen]

Hi, I am a 25 yr old female. I have been in a relationship almost five years and I cannot achieve an orgasm from penetration or rather the g-spot. We have tried to find it and it hurts when he tells me of women he has been with who are multi orgasmic or can cum from penis in their vagina. He has even told me how cool it is to have an orgasm together at the same time. I can have them from oral sex but this problem makes me feel less than a woman. I have even read that women who cannot cum from penetration are closeted lesbians. Any thoughts on this?

[Brandye]

Yes, I have rather strong feelings about this. You are with one-half of all women who do not reach orgasm through penetration and thrusting but, rather, need additional stimulation. We are better off than that quarter of all women who never, or rarely, achieve orgasm by any means whatever.

I would say he is being cruel and you are buying into the false assumption that having orgasms with a penis pumping away is some ideal. I would also point out that simultaneous orgasm is not much more than a coincidence that does not happen regularly with any couple.

We are not closeted lesbians. Though I am actively bi-, certainly the majority of us who need the additional stimulation are straight as can be. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! He is not the authority on what your body can or should do.

As I re-read your post, there appears to also be a question on the G-Spot. Read around, especially the sticky on G-Spot: What we do and do not know. Within the medical community there is doubt that the G-Spot actually exists. There are, however, explanations of what causes stimulation of that area to result in orgasm. I doubt that more than ten percent of us have had our G-Spot manipulated to orgasm. And two of us worked a long time, with success, to locate ours and we are both professionals with pretty good knowledge of that part of the body.

We women are all capable of multiple orgasms. Some really enjoy that; some of us are happy with one grand result. I am more likely to be multi-orgasmic with another woman as partner than with a man. There is less pressure to perform and it is more relaxing. Besides, most women know more than any man about what is happening in a female partner's body. Not advocacy; simply fact.

Your sexual response is yours and yours alone. If he wants a screamer or thrasher who comes ten times an hour, that is up to him. It is not up to you to meet his idealized demands. YOU ARE NORMAL! Relax, and some of the other stuff may happen.

[MissCarmen]

Originally Posted by Brandye

Yes, I have rather strong feelings about this. You are with one-half of all women who do not reach orgasm through penetration and thrusting but, rather, need additional stimulation. We are better off than that quarter of all women who never, or rarely, achieve orgasm by any means whatever.

I would say he is being cruel and you are buying into the false assumption that having orgasms with a penis pumping away is some ideal. I would also point out that simultaneous orgasm is not much more than a coincidence that does not happen regularly with any couple.

We are not closeted lesbians. Though I am actively bi-, certainly the majority of us who need the additional stimulation are straight as can be. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! He is not the authority on what your body can or should do.

As I re-read your post, there appears to also be a question on the G-Spot. Read around, especially the sticky on G-Spot: What we do and do not know. Within the medical community there is doubt that the G-Spot actually exists. There are, however, explanations of what causes stimulation of that area to result in orgasm. I doubt that more than ten percent of us have had our G-Spot manipulated to orgasm. And two of us worked a long time, with success, to locate ours and we are both professionals with pretty good knowledge of that part of the body.

We women are all capable of multiple orgasms. Some really enjoy that; some of us are happy with one grand result. I am more likely to be multi-orgasmic with another woman as partner than with a man. There is less pressure to perform and it is more relaxing. Besides, most women know more than any man about what is happening in a female partner's body. Not advocacy; simply fact.

Your sexual response is yours and yours alone. If he wants a screamer or thrasher who comes ten times an hour, that is up to him. It is not up to you to meet his idealized demands. YOU ARE NORMAL! Relax, and some of the other stuff may happen.

Thank you so much. It hurts when he says those things and I have been reading about the g-spot. I enjoy sex but I do feel pressure to perform. I just feel like I am not up to par sexually, especially when he has told me its not him its me and about women crying or passing out from having an orgasm from penetration.

[wet_suit_one]

I agree with Brandeye. You're boyfriend's an ignoramus. Get him a book and get the moron educated.

Sheesh, some of us can be so insensitive!!!!

[Buck Naked]

You boyfriend is obviously very ignorant about the opposite sex. I doubt most of his claims as it sounds like boasting to make himself feel better. Also, don't pressure yourself too much. You are still very young and are most likely still waiting to reach your sexual peak. Personally, I would find a more giving and understanding partner. No one should have to feel bad because they are who they are. My wife does not orgasm through sex alone. Do I feel bad? No, because I bust my ass to make sure she is as satisfied as me each and every time. She is 28 now and really our sex life is just kicking into gear. Her drive is increasing with each passing year and her orgasms are coming quicker and more frequent. To me it is more important that she has them rather then how.

[MissCarmen]

Thank you all!

[oaktree]

Originally Posted by MissCarmen

Hi, I am a 25 yr old female. I have been in a relationship almost five years and I cannot achieve an orgasm from penetration or rather the g-spot. We have tried to find it and it hurts when he tells me of women he has been with who are multi orgasmic or can cum from penis in their vagina. He has even told me how cool it is to have an orgasm together at the same time. I can have them from oral sex but this problem makes me feel less than a woman. I have even read that women who cannot cum from penetration are closeted lesbians. Any thoughts on this?

My wife has never had a orgasm. We try a lot of thing and she is finally using toys, that dose help her climax but still can get a orgasm. Even with penetration by me and simulation for her by the toy, still no orgasm. I do sometimes wonder if it is me?
Sorry to say, women are really complex that it is far to much for men to understand.

[Gibson52]

MissCarmen: Your BF is not being fair or kind to "you" by comparing you to someone else. Everybody is different, maybe he is stressing you, expecting you to be like a previous sex partner, and you can't have an orgasm. And maybe he is telling a good story.
How about some more foreplay first, before he penetrates you, so your a little closer to orgasm already. Then you both might have an orgasm about the same time or at least you first.

[FoxyLady345]

Just jack hammering the vagina does not necessarily mean you would automatically cum. I went through the same situation you did, where me and my former boyfriend would have sex and I would not orgasm or anything, unless we were upright sometimes. Only difference is that I would constantly have problems down there sex, so it was not pretty enjoyable for me. What you need to do is communicate with your man, tell him that when he brings up about his previous flames its not cool. You don't even want to hear that mess.

Tell him what makes you feel good, look up some foreplay and have your man surprise you with new ideas. I mean like get chocolate boy paint, or grab the Kama Sutra. A man's greatest achievement is when he can please a woman right.

[dancingdoc2]

> It hurts when he says those things and I have been reading about the g-spot. I enjoy sex but I do feel pressure to perform. I just feel like I am not up to par sexually, especially when he has told me its not him its me and about women crying or passing out from having an orgasm from penetration.

Next time he opens his mouth and spews such nonsense tell him "you really know how to hurt me" and then let him feel your hand reaching for his scrotum. As you wrap your hand around it, inform him that "I really know how to hurt you, too!" as you give a gentle squeeze.

EEK has a favorite expression about teaching the "lout" a lesson or words to that effect. This guy is full of himself, and worse, puts you down with his uncalled for comments.

> > Get him a book and get the moron educated.

I recommend that the two of you read every article listed in the Index found at the top of the main screen. It contains helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles. Knowledge is empowering whether any of it sinks in or not at least you will feel better about you.

Perhaps his intentions are good; however, you should never compare past lovers with present ones. This is just insensitive.

> I cannot achieve an orgasm from penetration

Very few sexual positions place a woman's pieces-parts in close constant contact with a man's pubic mound sufficient to generate the required friction. What a knowledgeable, skilled, caring, lover will do is to reach around and stimulate his partner with his fingers while stroking away.

If you want to experiment and try to climax from intercourse, use the Woman Superior (Cowgirl) position. You can see it and the variations by going to the site's Home page and looking at the animated illustrations.

> I can have them from oral sex but this problem makes me feel less than a woman.

Why? Man or woman, we should enjoy our orgasms any way we can bring them about. Making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other.

> I have even read that women who cannot cum from penetration are closeted lesbians. Any thoughts on this?

This conclusion is just so much hooey. Brandye gave you one perspective, I have given you another, above. Being Gay (or Lesbian) has nothing to do with methodology, technique, or, what positions a person enjoy, or, what practices we like. There is an article on this subject listed in the Index.

In addition to reading the articles with your boyfriend and discussing what you have learned with each other, I further recommend that you tell him to stop with the insensitive comparisons and to work together to bolster your self esteem with positive and kind words that come from really caring about you and your happiness.