Does anyone else have this problem?

[little_peaches]

I've been in a relationship w/the same guy for a while now, going on about a year, and just recently we've decided we're "more than just friends". We've had sex multiple times but I haven't been able to achieve an orgasm. He always asks what he can do to help me out, and here is where I have a problem. I know what gets me going, but in past expierences, after I tell my partner "what gets me going" it almost spoils it for me, almost like I know what's coming. It kills my excitement right on the spot after I tell them what to do. How do I overcome this or what's another way to show him what I like w/out actually coming out and saying it?

[dancingdoc2]

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Originally Posted by little_peaches

I've been in a relationship w/the same guy for a while now, going on about a year, and just recently we've decided we're "more than just friends". We've had sex multiple times but I haven't been able to achieve an orgasm. He always asks what he can do to help me out, and here is where I have a problem. I know what gets me going, but in past expierences, after I tell my partner "what gets me going" it almost spoils it for me, almost like I know what's coming.

Making love is not what we do to each other, rather, what we do with and for each other in partnership. This subject has been discussed over and over and has multiple facets.

* First, is that each person is responsible for his/her orgasms. We do not give them away. All any of can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achieve them.
* Second, you must be able to climax regularly and consistently on your own. If you are unable to climax using your fingers, it is nearly impossible to expect that a partner will be able to. Each person must learn to connect the proverbial dots. Mother Nature has given us a pleasure center in the brain and very sensitive nerve ending in the skin along with an autonomic nervous system for the transmittal of sensations, yet played a trick on us by not connecting everything together. This is a major reason for learning to masturbate.
* Third, when a person masturbates, s/he benefits from an internal feedback that lets us adjust what we are doing and to modulate our movements in response to what we feel. This is missing when we turn the reins over to someone else. So, what is a person to do? Give verbal and/or non-verbal feedback and cues for how they are responding to their partner's kisses and caresses and for what is needed now/next.

It kills my excitement right on the spot after I tell them what to do. How do I overcome this or what's another way to show him what I like w/out actually coming out and saying it?

Show him. Guide his movements over several sessions until he learns to mimic your unique and specific technique; and, provide the necessary feedback.

As for positions, very few place your pieces-parts in constant contact with his pubic mound sufficient to generate the required friction. What a knowledgeable, skilled, caring, lover will do is to reach around and finger his partner while stroking away.

If you do not work together then you have the blind leading the blind with a less than 50/50 batting average and chance of doing what is needed.

Please read the articles. Feedback is discussed in a couple of them. Predictability? I suppose so if there is no imagination and exploration; however, I do not believe you can know what is going to happen next when someone else is providing the mechanical input--even when being guided. My recommendation is to not be so critical, to relax, to explore and learn together.

[Brandye]

While you are in the heat of the moment, direct him either by words or movement. It is less clinical that way compared to talking about it afterwards. If you know what is needed you are frustrating him and denying yourself pleasure by not showing him.

We women are so different from woman to woman and from time to time that all men need this feedback.