Penetration (even manually) is horribly painful! Advice?

[kate_luana]

So I believe I mentioned in my previous post that I'm in a very serious and committed relationship with my boyfriend, with whom I regularly have manual and oral sex. However, we have never attempted intercourse, despite the fact that we don't have any moral dilemmas with intercourse and we both want to share the experience.

My problem is that penetration, of any kind, HURTS. I admit, I've never used tampons before, nor have I ever inserted my fingers into my vagina. However, my boyfriend and I, to try to "ease our way" into the intercourse process, have attempted manual penetration... But no matter how much foreplay was involved and how private and comfortable we both were, the moment his fingers are in me just a little bit, I feel like I'm being stabbed with a knife and I say "OW, OW, STOP!", ending up emotionally distraught (sobbing and shaking) afterwards. I have found that I can tolerate having his tongue penetrate me, but only if I am consciously doing deep breathing exercises and trying my hardest to relax.

I don't have any kind of traumatic experience to make me wary of penetration. My boyfriend is the most sensitive and laid-back guy I can imagine; never has he pressured me to move farther than I was comfortable with, even when we were living together over the summer. I trust him completely, but that is not the issue. When I seize up, I don't think about anything other than the pain.

Having this happen all the time makes me feel awful. I want to be able to share more sexual experiences with him, and I feel like this pain is denying the both of us a really wonderful bonding experience.

Is this a common problem, to this intensity? What can I do to correct this? Have any of you had a similar problem?

Thanks very much for your time and advice!

[thedeparted00]

Seems to be you are not relaxing due to anticipation of pain & it may be some technique's while stimulation you are not triggering the correct spots which induce pleasure. Read through this together:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new_...t_humping.html

[dancingdoc2]

I gather that you are a virgin. Do you know if your hymen is intact? Have you looked at it and learned how it is constructed? It may very well be that you are poking or prodding it and this is the source of the discomfort. If you know where the opening is between the hymen and wall of the vagina, this is the best place to attempt penetration. Some hymens have one or more internal openings in the membrane. If one is large enough, you can attempt penetration there.

Until the hymen is ruptured, you will likely continue to experience some discomfort. Rupturing it may be painful.

There is also a condition that causes a person to clamp down effectively preventing penetration. You can go see your doctor about this.

There is an exercise that you can do that will help make the hymen and the vaginal opening more compliant. Just sit in a bathtub of very warm water and tug on the hymen holding the pressure for a few moments. The same thing can be done for the vagina. Hold the pressure for a few moments, then move on to the next quadrant. Do these daily and over the course of a couple of weeks you should be able to insert two fingers, especially if the hymen in absent or has a large opening. Two fingers can be used in opposition to continue the stretching exercise.

[thedeparted00]

This is why Brandye and others suggest a gyn exam prior to any sex. No exam? I will not go near a woman.

[Sexless Loser]

I experience the same problem. Tho I have yet to see a gyn, I suggest that you do. It's good for your overall health and not just the issue you are having.

[thedeparted00]

Sexless:

Perhaps you should take your own advice and seek medical attention. After all, its in your best female health interest. Please make the appointment.

[Sexless Loser]

I plan to make an appointment as soon as possible but as for now I can't.

[JustAGirl]

Sexless, you are not a loser. I know where you are coming from- right up to the point where I lay shaking, tensed, and sobbing in my boyfriend's arms, saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" because he wanted to have sex just as much as I did and I felt like a complete failure for not being able to please him.

Definitely schedule a gynecological exam, but in the meantime, lock yourself in your room, grab a mirror, and take a look at yourself. You say that you have never used a tampon; have you tried? Regardless, what does your hymen look like? Here are some pictures of various hymens; in addition, there is the microperforate hymen, which has a hole even smaller than the narrow opening.



If you feel like your hymen looks fairly normal, then you definitely want to talk to your gynecologist because this may be a more involved problem. However, if you are pretty sure that you have a narrow, cribriform, microperforate, or septate hymen, take a deep breath because this is resolvable. There's a minor surgical procedure that will open up your hymen and all of a sudden, things (like inserting a tampon) become possible that were not before. You may want to explain to the gynecologist in your initial appointment that you are concerned that your hymen may be abnormally perforated, and if so, that you want a hymenectomy. Explain the symptoms that you are having.

There's a thread somewhere around here called "Hymenoplasty- from the patient's side" that I started about my experiences with a microperforate hymen, a few gynecologists, and finally surgery. Unfortunately the boyfriend and I split up for entirely different reasons before I had a chance to use my newfound ability to have sex without screaming, but hey.

Good luck, and feel free to PM me with questions about the procedure. I'm not an expert at anything but being a patient, but I'd be glad to help if I can.