orgasm question

[wantingmore01]

i am 37 and can not have a orgasm. i can when masterbating and have 1 time from oral about 14 yrs ago. could it be a mental thing due to being sexually abused as a child?

[dancingdoc2]

...............

[Brandye]

GODAMMIT, DOC, THIS IS CHICK CHAT! Every time you violate, two or three teen boys think it is open to their trivia.

Wantingmore,

I apologize for the male intrusion but fortuantely Doc is one of very few males here with some sensiticity and knowledge. 25 % of all women NEVER have orgasms. 50% of us (myself included) require some stimulation other than simple penile thrusting. So you certainly have plenty of company. Step 1 is wanting to overcome this and you can check that off. Step 2 is successful masturbation and you can check that off. Then, another statistic: 20% of all women have been sexually abused. I have not seen the data but limited studies do indicate that this has a significant effect on later sexual functioning - as you have surmised. You should begin with a complete gyn exam. Contrary to Doc's statement, I do believe that all women without organisc problems are capable of orgasm. The rest is psychological and we women are more attuned to the emotional aspects than the physical aspects of sex.

I have had several patients who have experienced their first orgasms in their thirties and one was 54 when she first reached climax. There is always hope. With a cooperative partner who understands the situation, talk him through what you really feel you need. If you end up masturbating, so be it; you have to start somewhere. Your aim should be, initially at least, to reach orgasm with a partner through digital or oral (which seems to have worked before). You may never reach that ideal where you climax with your partner stroking in and out of you. I think I have had maybe half a dozen orgasms that way. Orally and digitally, I always make it. So you and your partner need to discuss technique. Whatever you want is what you should get. The male orgasm is relatively automatic but nature sees no real need for ours and we have more difficulty Learning to get there.

There are gyn's who can help you through this learnig and those who do not can refer you to a therapist who specializes in sexual issues. Sex therpists can be quite helpful and many mental health clinics will have one on staff.

The other place to look is in your present relationship. Are there issues other than the physical that could be getting in the way? Insecurity of the relationship added to your past history could be a hurdle.

It is possible and I would encourage you to work on overcoming this. We may net reach our ideals (I never have) but we can get this into the realm of the acceptable.