New here! also problems orgamsing during intercourse

[meg155]

Hi All,
I'm new to this forum and it seems like a great place.
I have some issues though...like most of us here, I imagine?
I am unable to have an orgasm during sex. I am thinking maybe I'm just not trying hard enough? I don't know...I can come from mastrubating, and also from oral sex. So, I know it's possible for me to orgasm. I just cannot seem to find the way to get there from sex.
My first orgasm was during sex, with my bf using his fingers to stimulate me, but that has always been a rare occurance.
Maybe someone has some advice for me on how to get there? I've asked a lot of friends for help, but they all seem to have no problems with this. Which seems weird to me, b/c from what I've read a lot of women seem to have this problem. I know that both my mother and my sister have never orgasmed from penetration, so maybe I'm just not built properly?
It's starting to become an issue with my and my current bf, as we're both placing the blame on ourselves and it's starting to depress to heck out of me...

Any advice/ help???

Thanks!

[monie]

Well your mother and sister are right, some women just dont orgasm from vaginal intercourse. Its not anything thats wrong with you physically or anything, its just that every woman is different. Maybe your guy could try a little extra stimulation before sex. That way you might be able to have an orgasm during intercourse, and if not, you still would have had fun beforehand.

Just dont feel bad about it. As any woman can tell you, we're all different, and there's nothing wrong with that

[Brandye]

Once again: 25% of women never experience orgasm; another 50% rarely or never experience orgasm from penile thrusting alone; that leaves about a quarter of us who actually experience orgasm from thrusting.

I happen to be in the middle group - I need oral or digital stimulation to help. You can figure out all sorts of ways to include this in your play and positions that allow you to experience orgasm with a penis in you.

Be happy that you are orgasmic. The rest gives you something to improve upon. The big problem emerging is your boyfriend assuming responsibility for your sexual satisfaction. He has a role but you are responsible.

[corkscrew]

I'm the same as you, very rarely climax through actual thrusting, but i do almost all the time through oral or finger stimulation. I would just enjoy what you have, be glad that you can orgasm. Just enjoy your sex life, if you want to continue to try new things to help you orgasm...great, but I wouldn't let it depress you. Good luck.

[msbunny]

Try a position where you might be able to stimulate yourself while he is thrusting...Doggy is good for this...and use your own knowledge of your body to get yourself to climax, and if you climax then there's a deffinate boost in his ego becase he feels like he did some of the work. This works for me!

[LoverGirl]

Ok, I know that many woman have this problem, and I've heard the suggestions, but I feel like my specific situation is different... I have always masturbated, for as long as I can remember, and have had no problem climaxing on my own, I can always make myself orgasm, many times in fact and in a short period of time.

However, this is not the case when I have sex. I have had a lot of sex, and a lot of really great, fun, exciting sex at that, with several partners, many of which definitely knew what they were doing, so I don't feel that it's my sex partners that are the problem. And, it's not that I feel performance anxiety, I am extremely comfortable with my body and my sexuality. I'm open and honest about sex, I like talking about it and I feel perfectly comfortable making suggestions.

I love having sex and it's not even that I'm dissapointed or feel unsatisfied afterwards because I don't come. It's hard to explain, but I'll try... during sex the problem isn't that I get close to climax, but just can't orgasm, I know my body and it's a different feeling, I'm not heading toward climax. Sex is immensely pleasurable for me and I enjoy every part of it, but the enjoyment I experience from a sex partner is pleasurable on another level, seperate from what I feel from masturbation.

I still fully enjoy sex, but I am curious as to why I cannot reach climax from a sexual partner. If anyone feels the same way or has some thoughts as to my situation, I would love to hear them, thanks.

[Brandye]

Look at my earlier post. You are with one-half of all women who are regular climaxers but do not have orgasms from penile thrusting. I am in that group. In a few decades of sexual activity, I have reached orgasm through purely penile stimulation a couple times.

I have no answer for you; I am pointing out that with half of us in that boat, sociologically we are "normal." Thank goodness for other forms of stimulation. In my case, I am most receptive (demanding of insertion) right as my climax ends. It seems more preparatory than the event. We women are quite capable of sexual enjoyment without orgasm. Some of the pleasantest sex I have had was with no ecpectation of climax. I thoroughly enjoyed having him in me and feeling his build up and release.

If you look at how we are built, comparatively, the man is totally encapsulated and totally stimulated leading to almost automatic ejaculation. That is necessary in nature - no ejaculation would mean the end of the species. Our little clitoris sits outside the main action gaining most stimulation from its own hood sliding over it (and we really do not want more stimulation in most cases). In nature, our orgasm is irrelevant. We get just as pregnant without coming as we do coming.

I have no problems with sex or my body but I do think the opposing anatomies could have evolved more conveniently for us. But then, we can reach orgasm any time in our cycle while most female mammalians can only get there during estrus. Trade-offs!!!