Ideas for Discussion

[Brandye]

Neither your boyfriend nor anyone else can cause you to have an orgasm. They can do some interesting things but you have your own orgasm. Changing your thinking can help.

Masturbation is the best way to learn what an orgasm is and what sets you off. What fantasy? What touching? What pressure? and so on.

Many women have their first orgasms with a vibrator. Though I rarely use one, my girlfriend does. I suspect that most women at this board own one or at least use one from time to time. They are great aids. I prefer my own fingers.

[I.D.]

Hello Brandye, I'm, 25 and a new born to the site. Take heed for my mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it's gone. I apologize if this is the wrong thread. I'm still viewing the site.

My question is, well, it's more of a phobia I suppose. I don't like semen. I can't stand it. It bothers me to see it, taste it or have it on me. My boyfriend, of five years, knows this and has been very patient with me. But I feel bad that I'm not like "other women" who are into that sort of thing. Giving oral sex to him isn't that bad but I just don't like doing it. I do give it to him on occasion and I do read sex guides and I try to get over it but I can't bring myself to *cringe* swallow, or have it on my face.
It's to the point where I have a neck down policy. As long as stays from the neck down I'm all right, for a minute, but if not I freak out and immediately grab a towel cleaning myself off. It's like kyrptonite to superman.

This is frustrating to both me and him. He has no problems pleasing me orally. When I asked he said he liked it. I've even told him that since I don't give him oral pleasure that he didn't have to give me any. I want to please him, I want to make him happy but I feel like a failure at being a woman. I had a molar pregnancy at 22 and was told by the doctors that having a child later maybe risky. So I feel that I have a big scarlet letter of 4F on me for that fiasco and then I add on my semen phobia. Am I in the wrong for having this phobia? oO I am I the only one? Is there anything I can do about it?

Thank you, Identicalsnow. aka I.D.

I apologize for this I just found my answer I believe in the Pleasing Him section. If you would be so kind you may delete this post. Thank you ever so much. Identicalsnow

[Brandye]

You would not believe some of the descriptions of "that yukky stuff" I hear in my office! First, I, personally, do not like the taste, smell or consisteny of semen. Second, an active sex life, with male partners, means we need to deal with it. I always keep finger towels on the bedside table and have learned that the benefits of performing oral outweight the short term terrible taste.


I do not know whether a sex therapist or a therapist who deals with phobias would help more. There are some wild phobias out there and you need not be apologetic for this. With proper guidance, you can overcome the phobic response. Once I learned what pleasure I was giving and what I got in return, I learned to tolerate it. Not an acquired taste so much as a quid pro quo. Like most women, I have had it end up just about everywhere - that is part of our being the ones responsible for extracting it from the male body.

I suggest you talk with someone - therapist, girlfriend, whomever. The stuff is really nothing to be afraid of and it washes easily.

[Revirginated]

QUOTE: The stuff is really nothing to be afraid of and it washes easily.[/QUOTE]


But it WILL stain clothing, sheets, and mattresses.

[Lackadaisical]

If you leave it there...just like anything else.

[ShadesRuda]

I haven't seen it on here (unless it has a name I'm not familiar with) but is it possible, Brandye to address the topic of endometriosis? I'm lucky that my spouse is very supportive of mine and everything I'm going through with it, but some others aren't so lucky. And as I've experienced, it's very difficult to detect and diagnose. Perhaps your expertise will help others with this issue.

Also menopause can't be overlooked.

[Revirginated]

While I've heard that it can prevent implantation of a fertilized ovum, especially if the woman who has it is over 30, I've never heard that it affects sexual desire/experience. Menopause seems to affect sexual desire/experience either physically or psychologically or both. The hormonal changes seem to make some women desire sex more, but causes others to desire it less.

I remember a friend telling me about her mother (who had birthed 5 children): Her mother reputedly said that she had always enjoyed sex during her marriage but after menopause "felt nothing, wanted none of it". It became a big issue in her parents marriage. Since the kids were all out of the house, her Dad was ready to rock n' roll, while her mother moved out of their bedroom into one of the kids old rooms and fixed it up to suit herself. Then she started going out with friends and enjoying activities she hadn't had time for while bringing up 5 kids. At that time there weren't any of these "boost your libido" medications that are popular now. I don't know if she would have taken them anyway. Some of it sounded psychological to me. I think she wanted to live a different kind of life after 40 odd years of meeting the needs of husband and children.

The body to mind equation can be enigmatic. And certainly different from woman to woman.

[sakura]

Ovarian Cancer is something that a lot of women assume is looked for with their yearly Pap, But what many dont know is that it is not!

I'm from Canada and am involved with the Run for Ovarian Cancer in London Ontario, where many of the women involved have been diagnosed with this disease, and some have tragically passed since the run's inception.

This is somethign i think alot of peopel are ignorant about. It's called the disease that wispers, becasue by the time its detected, its already too late.

some things every woman should know....


Canadian Facts about Ovarian Cancer

* Every year 2,500 women will be diagnosed in Canada with Ovarian Cancer.
* Each year 1,500 women die from ovarian cancer in Canada
* Ovarian cancer is a serious disease with no early detection test, most women are unfortunately diagnosed in the later stages of the disease and 60% of them will not survive past four years.
* Even though the statistics surrounding the disease are bleak, the good news is that when it is diagnosed in the earliest stages, the long-term survival rate is 90%. Education and awareness are the best tools we have for improving survival by alerting women to the signs and symptoms of the disease.

Symptoms:

* Vague but persistent gas, nausea, indigestion, constipation, or diarrhea
* Abdominal bloating, feeling of fullness, or pain
* Frequen or urgent urination
* Menstrual disorders, pain during intercourse
* Fatique, backaches
* Weight gain or loss
* Abdominal distention

Risk Factors:

Some of the risk factors linked to Ovarian Cancer include:

* Personal or family history of breast, ovarian, endometrial, prostate, or colon cancer.
* Hereditary nonpolyposis colorectal cancer or syndrome.
* Increasing age
* Unexplained infertility, no pregnancies, and no history of birth control pill usage
* Use of high-dose estrogen for long periods without progesterone may be a risk factor
* North American or Northern European heritage and/or Ashkenazi Jewish population
* Living in an industrialized country.

TAKE ACTION If any symptom lasts more than 2 weeks!

Screening for ovarian cancer includes a combination pelvic/rectal exam, a CA-125 blood test, and a transvaginal sonogram.

Note: Pap smears DO NOT detect ovarian cancer.

Info taken from www.runforovariancancer.ca

[Brandye]

Wonderful post!!! This is to bump it up and make it more noticeable.

[KMB]

I looked around and I was wondering if there is a good way to start talking about sex and the future with my best guy friend who will hopefully be more soon.