Grinding with a girl, and just about fully had an orgasm and ejaculated FLACCID!

[DerickD]

I was grinding with a girl and she was completely naked but I couldn't get an erection... instead I almost came completely 100% flaccid!

WTF, lol I had to stop grinding because I was about to cum. Please anyone have any advice. Why this happened.. how even, what can I do to avoid that again, because that feels pathetic on my part ( a. not getting an erection and b. cumming without even getting hard!)

Thanks!!!

[dancingdoc2]

Hello Derick,

By "grinding" do you mean you were on top rubbing against her pubic area, or that she was on top rubbing against your genitals?

Originally Posted by DerickD

I was grinding with a girl and she was completely naked but I couldn't get an erection... instead I almost came completely 100% flaccid!

Performance Anxiety might very well be the cause, especially if this is your first time making out or doing so with this girl.

The "grinding" action may be the cause because doing so vigorously can affect the nerves in the root structure of the penis inside the body and cause a person to lose or never get an erection. Changing positions or tactics should fix the problem. As for PE, just becoming comfortable with each other should do the trick.

...I had to stop grinding because I was about to cum. Please anyone have any advice. Why this happened.. how even, what can I do to avoid that again, because that feels pathetic on my part ( a. not getting an erection and b. cumming without even getting hard!)

Thanks!!!

I understand your concern and embarrassment; however, there is nothing to be upset about. While this can be considered "serious business" no one should take it so serious that you cannot have fun.

A. Erections come and erections go. No big deal unless you fret and fume and make it a big deal. You can relax and try again several minutes later and probably regain an erection just as you'd do if trying for a second or third orgasm in a multiple series.

B. Experiencing a climax is not contingent upon having an erection. Until you are in your fifties or above, or have a medical condition, erections and ejaculations go together. Older men physically fit or not can have ejaculations without erections, and this is why we have the Erectile Dysfunction meds. available.

So, my recommendation is to relax and not be so hard on yourself. Proceed slowly, and if your erection begins to subside, pause the proceedings and return to making out in order to rebuild it.

Lastly, whether nude or not, I would not recommend grinding without wearing a condom. People in their teen years are the most apt to become pregnant. Consider that you are playing a version of Russian Roulette only with a fully loaded "cannon". Any time it fires in the general direction of a girls' vulva the "ammo" can run down and enter the vagina. Birth control is very important and both of your responsibilities. She must be on the pill or using some other form of highly reliable contraceptive, you must always use a condom, and together the two of you should have a third level of protection--using a spermicide. Do not rely upon one or the other of you for your protection. Look out for and protect A#1--you, both of you. Do not for a moment think you can fool Mother Nature by forgetting one, or thinking that you do not need all this protection. There are plenty of cases where Mother Nature has come back to smite a couple!

> I had to stop grinding because I was about to cum.

GOOD FOR YOU, although, please understand that precum can and does contain sperm, so even getting a little of this fluid on her can be a problem. As a guy who has been there done that before, I can tell you that there will come a time or two or more where you know you should stop, but because it feels sooooo gooood, you choose not to. Don't get caught with your pants down having made this choice in the heat and passion of the moment.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[DerickD]

Thanks DancingDoc! That was a great response to my problem. I just returned from a camping trip so I just read your response now. I can't remember if I was on top or bottom but the grinding was fairly aggressive.


"So, my recommendation is to relax and not be so hard on yourself. Proceed slowly, and if your erection begins to subside, pause the proceedings and return to making out in order to rebuild it."

Here's actually what I consider an annoying problem of mine. I am 21, but making out with a girl does not give me an erection! Even if she's naked... this drives me crazy, I find that I need the physical stimulation of grinding to go along with it to get hard, and when I am hard I require physical stimulation to keep it hard.

As a 21 year old I feel this should not at all be the case. Fooling around with a naked girl, yet I still am not hard for the large portion of us fooling around. lol they do find it surprising when I am not hard... any advice, or can anyone offer their opinions on this (be it good or bad)?

Thanks!!!

[dancingdoc2]

A definitive diagnosis is both impossible and inappropriate on this or any website. I recommend that you go for a physical, and, that you get a referral to a lab and have your hormone levels checked.

At 21 you are on the decline, yet this is way way too soon for such problems to be natural. Questions:

1. Do you get spontaneous erections?
2. Do you get erections prior to masturbating?
3. Do you masturbate successfully yet have to work up an erection as you proceed?
4. Is this the same for making out with a girl?
5. Erection or not, do certain women arouse you?
6. Does this woman arouse you?

One thought is that if you do not become erect when around her or when making out that "you are just not that into her". This is particularly true if being around other women causes you to have an erection.

Please get thee to a doctor and get all checked out.

[DerickD]

Thanks yet again for the reply.

1. Do you get spontaneous erections?
- Not often at all, they are few and far between, I am just wondering how often spontaneous erections do happen (does this mean when not doing anything sexual?)

2. Do you get erections prior to masturbating?
- When I masterbate I usually get turned on first and immediately start physically touching my penis before it is hard, in order to get it hard. *also if this is important I do masterbate quite a bit (around 3 times a week)

3. Do you masturbate successfully yet have to work up an erection as you proceed?
(I think I answered this in the answer above, but I might need some clarity on this question).

4. Is this the same for making out with a girl?
- as I said, making out with a girl does not give me an erection, and if I do get one, I do need physical stimulation to keep it up.

5. Erection or not, do certain women arouse you?
- yep

6. Does this woman arouse you?
- Ya


Also I'll throw in some of my background to see if this helps as well.
The first time I was with a girl was when I was 17, and because of performance anxiety I couldn't get hard (we tried 3 times, one of those times I got fully hard and even ejculated before I got in her... no stimulation needed that time lol), since I was so inxpereinced at that age I think that really got in my head, and has been lingering possibly since (at least I hope this is the case and not testosterone levels).

The next girl I was with was 2 years later and she would only make out and get naked, which again I wouldn't get hard or hard long enough to have sex.

My next 2 encounters I had sex successfully (different girls) but it was because of there physical stimulation they gave, not from making out with the women naked.

Then came this last girl where I told you the situation. So I am not sure if this is still performance anxiety or if its a low testosterone problem... but I sure know I need physical stimulation. The thing is though I was so in my head about getting an erection every time I was with a women. Every second Im thinking like I gotta get an erection or whens it gonna happen. The thing is though I don't know if I can stop that type of thinking...

As for getting checked out I wonder how to go about that here in Canada without my parents finding out (I'm under my parents insurance).

[DerickD]

Also if it is of any value, watching porn I get fully hard without needing to touch myself.

As well I am fairly well defined muscle-wise (athlete though, so I definitely put the time in the gym).

Thanks!

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by DerickD

Thanks yet again for the reply.

1. Do you get spontaneous erections?
- Not often at all, they are few and far between, I am just wondering how often spontaneous erections do happen (does this mean when not doing anything sexual?)

You're welcome. I appreciate the feedback, Derick. All too often someone will post a question that requires clarification or additional information and we never hear back or are ignored. Thanks for continuing the discussion.

Yes. Erections happen when walking down the street, sitting in class, sitting at home doing nothing or thinking nothing sexual, standing, walking the dog, petting the cat, cutting the lawn, fixing dinner...whatever.

Depending upon age and sex drive, spontaneous erections can happen anywhere from several times an hour to several times a day. Each magically appears, stays for awhile, then goes away. In the past I have recommended to boys who were bothered by them and the likelihood that people would notice that their pants had a bulge in them to stick a hand into their front pocket and move their penis to a vertical position under their fly so that the bulge would be less noticeable!

2. Do you get erections prior to masturbating?
- When I masterbate I usually get turned on first and immediately start physically touching my penis before it is hard, in order to get it hard. *also if this is important I do masterbate quite a bit (around 3 times a week)

3. Do you masturbate successfully yet have to work up an erection as you proceed?
(I think I answered this in the answer above, but I might need some clarity on this question).

4. Is this the same for making out with a girl?
- as I said, making out with a girl does not give me an erection, and if I do get one, I do need physical stimulation to keep it up.

This, the lack of spontaneous erections, and, not becoming erect around girls especially when aroused by them indicates to me that you have a hormonal imbalance--although, do not take this as gospel for two reasons; first, I am not a medical doctor; second, it is in appropriate or impossible to diagnose over the internet. That said, this is enough of a concern that I suggest seeing a specialist and getting some lab work done.

5. Erection or not, do certain women arouse you?
- yep

6. Does this woman arouse you?
- Ya

Both of those responses are positive and a good sign!

Also I'll throw in some of my background to see if this helps as well.
The first time I was with a girl was when I was 17, and because of performance anxiety I couldn't get hard (we tried 3 times, one of those times I got fully hard and even ejculated before I got in her... no stimulation needed that time lol), since I was so inxpereinced at that age I think that really got in my head, and has been lingering possibly since (at least I hope this is the case and not testosterone levels).

This is why you should have the lab work done; you need a baseline in order to learn what is or is not normal.

The next girl I was with was 2 years later and she would only make out and get naked, which again I wouldn't get hard or hard long enough to have sex.

I would not rule out the possibility of having experienced Performance Anxiety; however, most people do experience this at one time or another, and more than once. Much depends upon anxiety, self confidence and esteem at the time.

My next 2 encounters I had sex successfully (different girls) but it was because of there physical stimulation they gave, not from making out with the women naked.

Then came this last girl where I told you the situation. So I am not sure if this is still performance anxiety or if its a low testosterone problem... but I sure know I need physical stimulation. The thing is though I was so in my head about getting an erection every time I was with a women. Every second Im thinking like I gotta get an erection or whens it gonna happen. The thing is though I don't know if I can stop that type of thinking...

As for getting checked out I wonder how to go about that here in Canada without my parents finding out (I'm under my parents insurance).

Perhaps Brandye will provide some insight on the last part.

Regardless of where a person lives, all a parent needs to know is that you want a yearly physical. Begin with this information. It may be all that is necessary.

My last question is about how you typically go about making out with a girl. My point being, how much time do you usually devote to each of the stages:
* Necking:

* Petting:

* Heavy Petting:

* Foreplay:

I'll tell you why I am asking next time.

-doc

[DerickD]

Thank you.

"Depending upon age and sex drive, spontaneous erections can happen anywhere from several times an hour to several times a day. Each magically appears, stays for awhile, then goes away"

- that quote worries me a bit, since as I said these do not happen often for me.

It's shard to say how much time I give to each stage.

I would say I make out for 5 minutes, then move on to taking her clothes off. If i am not hard we will be grinding also.

What drives me mad though is that this entire time if I am not hard, I'm thinking "get hard".

DD2 thanks for putting your time into these issues.

[dancingdoc2]

Thank you for the additional information, Derick.

For more information on the why's and why not's of Spontaneous Erections, please see a doctor and get a referral to a specialist.

Part two- is that when a guy fails to become erect it can often be attributed to simply not being turned on by a particular partner. That said, these two conditions are completely separate.

> It's hard to say how much time I give to each stage.

I would say I make out for 5 minutes, then move on to taking her clothes off. If i am not hard we will be grinding also.

Your answer is the why behind my question in the first place. All too often nowadays teens and young adults operate under the misguided misconception that the best way to an orgasm is from lots and Lots and LOTS of stroking. Foreplay {oral and manual genital stimulation) is often not given enough time and attention unless this activity is the end, not intercourse.

As for fooling around and making out, five (5) minutes is an absolutely inadequate amount of time. It is important to understand two fundamental differences between the genders:
1. Females DO NOT as a rule become turned on, highly aroused, and ready for an orgasm at the mere thought. Each requires much more time and attention to this important and necessary aspect of sex. If you read thru the forums and especially the articles listed in the Index on all this you will see where we recommend no less than half an hour be devoted to Necking, then Petting, then Heavy Petting, all before ever getting to the Foreplay stage.** Enjoying an occasional "Quickie" is the exception to the rule.

2. Having a sense and feeling of intimacy is much more critical to a woman's arousal than it is for a man's. Sex has much to do with arousing and satisfying the female emotions and psyche, first, as a precursor to having orgasms. Not so much for the male of the species. It is the failure to understand these facts that are at the heart of why guys are poor lovers.

** If you do not understand the importance of and the general boundaries of each stage and why we generally begin with a kiss, limiting our caresses to the shoulders and above (Necking), then progressively moving on and increasing the level of intimacy, then I strongly urge that you read all of the articles listed in the Index, and more than once. If you have read some or all, then do so, again. Back in the olden days when having premarital sex frowned upon and might have a young man looking down the barrel of a shotgun, kids regularly fooled around on the swing or in the back of a Ford, etc., for an hour or more. It was not at all unusual for both to be on pins and needles having the feeling of tingling and muscle shaking from all the kissing and caressing being done. It is this degree of arousal, excitement, and anticipation, that goes missing in much of today's societies.

So, Derick, my recommendation is that the next time you and a girl want to make out, you devote no less than half an hour to N, P, HP, all before getting to F--and then at least five minutes or more to these activities, all before getting to intercourse. Learn how by reading the articles, and if appropriate discussing what you have learned with your partner. We wrote them for a reason and part of your situation is that reason. Then, put all this into practice.

-doc

[DerickD]

Thanks. Yet again another post with time vested into it. Im still on the fence about getting tested though. I guess next step is to start researching the process and how to do it secretly.