Sexual performance anxiety

[Sirene]

Hi all,

I have a huge problem, & I'm desperate for it to be resolved.
I'm suffering from what people call "sexual performance anxiety".
I have been with my girlfriend for about 5 months now.
We started sleeping together after about 2 weeks & we regularly had sex, every night... most mornings
and we'd stay in bed on the weekend to have sex.
Recently I just started seizing up with sexual contact. I don't know why.
I think it started off when I lost my errection half way through sex. Now I panic everytime there's sexual contact.
She's feeling rejected & hurt by it all as she doesn't understand.
The worst thing is though, she's a nymph and is completely addicted to sex, & needs it
all the time. She's been patient so far, but I feel that she will get rid of me soon to have a normal sex life.
I love her so very much & I think to myself "this girl is the one who I can carry out all of my sexual
fantasies because she's up for doing anything sexually", but I'm wasting it all.
I'm ruining our relationship with my anxiety. We don't feel close anymore & there's always
an atmosphere. We live with each other & she's 30 & I'm 24.
I need help because I really don't want our relationship to end & I want to sort this out.
She said last night that everyone has a breaking point & that she's sick of not having sex
& it just seems like we're friends.

[Brandye]

Allowing for the fact that "nymph" and "nymphomania" are terms that are thrown around with little meaning, except in psychiatric evaluation, your sexual system is simply being overwhelmed. The male requires recovery time and the frequency and constancy you describe appears to be more performance than you can sustain. Feeding into this is your anxiety that builds upon itself and makes it worse.

You need not use your penis for every contact. You need not ejaculate each time. If you want to spend some of your time in adulation and pleasing her, do so. That will be repaid many times over. At thirty, she is at her peak of sexual desire or receptivity. We women are insatiable and when we release controls, we are can be sex machines. BadCat and I have pointed out over and over that men simply cannot keep up. Sometimes we do this in jest and sometimes we are completely serious. You are in the serious category.

Long talk. Any reasonable woman, otherwise satisfied with the relationship, will hear your concerns and the two of you can reach a mutually satisfying stride. Sounds to me like the last line is saying she is ready to move on. That needs to be clarified between you.

[Sirene]

It was only a few years ago when I was able to have sex 10 times a day & still want more.
I think this whole thing is down to my performance anxiety. We have spoken, & it seems that she is indeed a sex addict. She said she feel unloved, unwanted & depressed unless she's making me cum & having sexual contact. She meets all of the points of a sex addict. She said that she feels good about herself if she makes me cum, & she just wants to make me cum over & over & that's all she needs & she feels crap if I'm not & if she's not making me. I'm really lucky to have a girl like that, but not lucky to be like this myself. Before my current girlfriend, I was seeing a girl who never wanted sex.
I felt depressed when I couldn't get sex as well, but I was forced to change to be with my previous partner & it feels as though it's stuck. I got used to going without & changing the way i think. Now I want to go back & get into sex again. I want sex, & i feel the need for it, but I seize up when it comes to it. My girlfriend has said we can do other stuff to build myself up. But I feel so guilty for making her feel crap & depressed just because of me being like this, & I HATE feeling like this.
I just want some good sex without my inhibitions getting in the way.
I'm gonna try suff tonight, will try going down on her & rimming her & see what happens.
Wish me luck, I hope I don't seize up.

[Brandye]

When you were active here a couple years ago, with other g/f's, you were always good at asking questions and then coming up with your own alternatives irrespective of the input. This woman is abusing you. If she has hangups, she needs to deal with those. You have your own to deal with. We all do.

G'luck.

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by Brandye

When you were active here a couple years ago, with other g/f's, you were always good at asking questions and then coming up with your own alternatives irrespective of the input. This woman is abusing you. If she has hangups, she needs to deal with those. You have your own to deal with. We all do.

G'luck.

Yeah, I took your ideas & got other ideas of my own.
She has hangups alright, but I think they're to do with what happened to her when she was young...
I'll let you use your imagination to work that one out. I don't blame her for the way she is after she went through that.