Please help.. i don't wanna lose the love of my life

[derukuriku]

right now im hopeless. I'm 21 years old and i have a beautiful girlfriend. everything is great. I just can't stay hard. I had this problem when i lost my virginity. but after that was i like a wild animal. I'm scared to go see a doctor its embarrassing. She is convinced that its her, but she is the most beautiful woman i have ever met. Please help me. she just left my place and she didn't even want me to walk her to the car. She deserves so much better and i know i can give her that but i just shrink when we are about to do it. or i want get hard to start.

[Brandye]

See your doctor. I do not care how embarrassing. Doctors are paid to deal with this stuff and there is nothing anyone can send you over the net that will help.

[Wrave]

I highly recommend you look at your diet. I remember that back when my highschool had skittles, shockers, starburst, etc. After about a month of eating that during lunch, I couldn't get an erection to save my life.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by rankavls

Weak erection or any sexual problem is mostly due to hormone imbalance.

Weak? Any? Mostly? This statement is simply irresponsible. What about experiencing the common condition known as "Performance Anxiety"? He has already stated the most common circumstances for it--those being nervousness and worry.


You should take healthy diet. I can tell you another option for treatment.

Of course eating a healthy diet is important.

You can try Levitra pill. It help to maintain erection and stay hard.

Taking any prescription medication without a doctor's approval is irresponsible; moreover, I rather doubt a doctor would prescribe any of the three drugs designed for erection problems due to age and/or physical conditions without getting a patient's history, first.

Before making any medical recommendation (which is irresponsible over the internet or telephone, etc.) I would want to know if derukuriku has any difficulties while masturbating. If not, then suggesting a pill is wrong, assuming no other medical or physical conditions.

Originally Posted by derukuriku

I just can't stay hard. I had this problem when i lost my virginity. but after that was i like a wild animal.

If you have no erection problems when masturbating then you may very well be suffering from the condition known as Performance Anxiety. This is a very common condition that affects young people and people of all ages in circumstances like this when a man is nervous, is worrying about this, that, or, the other; and, has a very high anxiety level.

If this is your situation, the cure is to quite literally stop worrying. I know, easier said than done, yet because this is such a common occurrence in similar situations, we know the solution works.

I'm scared to go see a doctor its embarrassing.

I agree with Brandye, our resident M.D., however, before visiting your doctor, try this recommendation, first, and see if this does not fix the problem.

She is convinced that its her.... Please help me. she just left my place and she didn't even want me to walk her to the car.

More than likely this is all it is, and the cure is easy. Just get your confidence back and stop worrying about whatever it is that is bugging you.

Her behavior may stem from embarrassment, or it may be that she was mad. Only she knows, however, walking away from you was not her best move.

She deserves so much better and i know i can give her that but i just shrink when we are about to do it. or i want get hard to start.

Explain to her what you have learned and tell her that this most likely can be quickly fixed, or, it may take a little longer if you have trouble relaxing and getting your mind to cooperate. Enlist her cooperation. She can do much to reduce your angst and bolster your confidence. Above all, let her know that your erection problem is not her doing unless she is complaining and making adverse comments about all this at the time.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

Welcome to both of you. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles on all manner of common concerns. Clicking on the site's Home page will take you to more information. Please read the articles, and, this includes girlfriends, also. Knowledge is empowering.

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[dcman1980]

I agree with the Dancing Doc. It may really be all about 'performance anxiety'. I'd take a few steps back in your relationship, go on romantic dinners, treat her well, and get up your confidence. Eat right in the meantime, stop doing drugs (if you do them) and give it a go again.

You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself and that only builds the anxiety. Hold off on masterbating a bit and when its time, you'll be hard as a rock.

go get em tiger.

[dancingdoc2]

> I'd take a few steps back in your relationship, go on romantic dinners, treat her well, and get up your confidence. Eat right in the meantime, stop doing drugs (if you do them) and give it a go again.

Excellent recommendations.

Taking a few steps back in your relationship might be recommended if you two are rushing into this without much "history" with each other. In other words, if you just began dating and are already attempting to have intercourse, then, YES, back up and--

SLOW DOWN. It takes time to get to know one another and build sufficient levels of intimacy and trust. It also takes time to mature into a relationship sufficiently in order to feel comfortable with each other and with yourselves.

SLOW DOWN. Please tell us how long the two of you fool around and make out before attempting intercourse. This is an extremely important question.

SLOW DOWN and devote no less than half an hour to forty five minutes (longer if convenient and time permits) to just making out. If you are attempting intercourse within the first thirty minutes, you are rushing and not giving either of you sufficient time to become relaxed and aroused.

If this is what your game plan has been then I recommend you go to the Index and read all about how to make out--Necking, Petting, Heavy Petting, all before ever getting to Foreplay, and beyond. There are at least two articles on all this, not to mention others on the art of kissing, and other useful information. Here is why this is so important:

* First, women require much more time and attention in order to become highly aroused than do men. Guys can be willing, up and ready, within minutes; not so the gentler gender. This is why you should devote no less than half an hour to kissing, cuddling, fooling around and making out in all of its various and progressive steps. All this is covered in great detail in the multi-chapter article in the Index.

* While this is very necessary for women, it is also beneficial for men as well. A benefit of spending time becoming very highly aroused is that we tend to relax emotionally.

* Second, a lot of fellas nowadays operate under the misguided misconception that the best way to an orgasm is via lots and Lots and LOTS of stroking. WRONG. This is the purpose of Foreplay and all the stuff that precedes this.

* Intercourse should begin after the couple has achieved a very high state of arousal--and, are invited to enter, verbally or non-verbally. Intercourse should begin after the man has gotten to a state of pins and needles and tingling just before the peak of his arousal curve when he is about to lose control.

If you are at this stage, it is not uncommon for your penis to feel like it cannot expand any more and is about to burst. Get to this point and I'm willing to bet that with a mind focused on the inevitable, you will succeed.

Do some reading, give this a try, enlist your girlfriend's participation, and have at it. Please get back to us with a follow-up.

I hope this is of help.

[derukuriku]

thanks for the advice. It's getting better. tonight i relapsed and got soft. we started over and everything was fine. It may be a confidence, diet, excercise issue. But I have never had this problem before and i went to see a doctor and she wouldn't perscribe me anything. She asked me was i a virgin, that was sorta funny, but she said that i needed a to excercise and eat healthier foods. I'm trying but i gotta admit its hard.

[VanellaSchnella]

Originally Posted by derukuriku

thanks for the advice. It's getting better. tonight i relapsed and got soft. we started over and everything was fine. It may be a confidence, diet, excercise issue. But I have never had this problem before and i went to see a doctor and she wouldn't perscribe me anything. She asked me was i a virgin, that was sorta funny, but she said that i needed a to excercise and eat healthier foods. I'm trying but i gotta admit its hard.

I thought that was the point

[lnt1103]

Originally Posted by derukuriku

we started over and everything was fine.

This leads me to believe it's the 'not enough time to get fully aroused' issue, in combination with the anxiety issue. Once you two spent enough time on each other, you had no choice but to be relaxed enough, and to want it bad enough, that your anxiety flew out the window and it happened.

So. Now you know there's nothing 'wrong' that's keeping it from happening. You know you're capable of being successful at this.

Put the anxiety away now, and just play. Play and explore and tempt and tease each other (ie making out and foreplay) until you both want it so bad that politeness flies out the window, because you simply need it NOW. I just gave T the first successful hand-only-job in the two years I've known him by teasing at each stage until he couldn't take it anymore and moved us to the next stage(as in, outside his clothes until HE decided they needed to come off, etc). Although he never said it, I'm sure at some point he wondered to himself if I was ever going to actually touch his penis forgodsake. Which was, to be totally honest, the point (fine, call me evil, but it worked, didn't it? ). If you and your partner make each other want it SO bad, that the only thing that exists is that need, it's guaranteed to happen.

[ASCW]

It seems that you suffer greatly from a deficit of sexual confidence. This normally happens to men who suffer from premature ejaculation. The previous posters are right, you're anxiety is absolutely killing you. A pretty interesting thing happens in the brain when a man feels like he's threatened when he's about to get it on. Men have an evolutionary trigger to do 1 of 2 things whenever they perceive they are in danger while being intimate.
When intimate if a man thinks he is in danger he will do 1 of 2 things either:
1) ejaculate very quickly, so he can be better prepared to deal with the threat.
or
2) Lose his erection very quickly, so he can be better prepared to deal with the threat.
Now here's the kicker. Your brain does not differentiate between physical threats (like a bear coming into your cave) and psychological threats (fearing that you will lose your girlfriend due to bad sex). Both will trigger one of the two responses. So it is very likely that you fear and anxiety of not obtaining an erection or not performing well in bed is ACTUALLY CAUSING YOU TO LOSE YOUR ERECTION AND BE LOUSY IN BED! I actually have an entire blog post dedicated to this (although mainly discussing problem with PE and penal fears). You can find that by clicking here. Check out that blog post there are some gems in there that will help you out. Then reply here or pm me with any questions.