Staying hard.

[Joe____21]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over 2 years now and im still madly in love with her. It seems like lately after i started my new job ive been more stressed out than usually and not able to keep a strong erection like i normally do. When i cant get hard it seems like im letting her down. Is there anything wrong with me? How do i get rid of the stress? Do i have to take some kind of suppliment? Im only 23.

[dancingdoc2]

welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums, Joe. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful as well as how-to information.

The condition you describe seems to me to be a case of Performance Anxiety. If so, the fix is to quite literally stop worrying about all the what ifs floating around in your head. (I know, easier said than done.) The more we worry, the worse the situation tends to become. This is a self fulfilling prophecy in which we are our own worst enemy.

Making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other in partnership. If you are trying to perform, my recommendation is to relax and just let your romantic evening unfold without pressure. So, instead of trying to get to the finish line, fall back and just work on the Necking, Petting, and Heavy Petting, before ever getting to the Foreplay stage. Arouse each other (and this means you, too) to a high degree before having her bringing yourself to the brink of an orgasm.

The "chemistry" between you should make your penis feel like it cannot grow any more and will burst. If you normally do lots and Lots and LOTS of stroking in order to reach the brink of an orgasm then you are going about things backwards. This is the reason for all the fooling around before getting to the h/j and b/j of foreplay. Proceed slowly and deliberately and build the passion, the excitement, the expectation, first and foremost.

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[dlb]

Hi Joe,
First off you have determined that you are having a stress related problem. As you become more adept at stress management the problem should subside. One of the worst things you can do is worry about this too much. If you begin to doubt your erectile ability or feel that there is a certain degree of hardness to be achieved then you are likely to exacerbate the problem.

I like doc's answer a lot, especially the third paragraph. For practical purposes all I can add to that is to orient your foreplay activities around the things that turn you on the most. In my case the surefire causes of erection are breasts pressed into my face, a face full of muff and fellatio.

There are going to be days or short spans in your life when this sort of incident occurs. It is temporary and you will get over it. Just remember, don't dwell on it and don't feel guilty about not attaining the quality of erection you are accustomed to; that will only feed the performance anxiety. If you go for a couple of months without ever achieving a satisfactory erection then you might need to consult a specialist.

For now, relax, have your girlfriend give you some special attention and get your mind off work and sexual performance.