Boyfriend's total lack of libido

[mondeparfait]

I went on a three week trip, and when I got back, my boyfriend was totally down for sex. I gave him a blow job once and sex the other time. Suddenly, he stopped wanting to have sex. He insists it's not me...and often his first impulse when he sees me is to tell me I "look cute." He doesn't really exercise and he drinks (a lot), but this has been a pattern of his for a long, long time. He's also had a lot of anxiety because he's looking for a job. I love him, but it sucks that he can't have sex...what can I do without making him feel like all I'm after is ass?

[Brandye]

"can't" is not the right word. He is making a choice and alcohol is the most common sex substitute in the world. Do you really want to live with a drunk?

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by reading the FAQs, Posting Guidelines, and, the Index, all found at the top of the main screen.

This is an interesting problem that could be connected to drugs of which alcohol is a prime contributor. Your post seems to indicate that he has a long history of drinking and this would indicate that there was no problem with interest or enthusiasm before your trip. If true, what has changed?

Worry can affect his mood and interest, although, it is my opinion that it takes quite a big problem to squelch sexual interest or desire. How are his finances? Is he going through his savings, or, does he have any? What about unemployment checks? What else do you notice about his situation and circumstances that have changed?

As a cautionary note, think twice about being in a relationship with anybody who "drinks (a lot)". Drinking rarely provides a solid foundation for a happy successful relationship. And, if you are remaining in it because you believe "I can change him", you most likely cannot and will not. He has to want to for his own reasons and so far, the taste and payoff are better than dealing with the issues.

I don't know what else to tell you. If he isn't interested in sex, he isn't interested in you. If he is interested in you, then not so much as to make a difference.